the fact that i’m not on a balcony in italy watching the sun set eating fresh fruit with my lover is offensive

hot bitches still use their hands to determine right from left

do u ever feel like every single person you care about cares about someone else more

Imagine being able to detach your titties before bed.. so you could actually sleep on your stomach. Lol

My dumb ass gon over sleep and forget my tiddies in the morning..

americans think ABSOLUTELY NOTHIN of driving 7 hours. they’ll drive 7 hours just for dinner. they’ll drive 7 hours just for chips and dip

My friend in the UK told me that they only see their father like 2-3 times a year because they live so far away. When I asked how far do they live, they said that it’s a 45 minute drive……. my commute to work, five days a week is an hour.

woman seeking woman. i’m six feet tall, fashionable, and enjoy long walks through brackish estuary water off the coast of virginia

She’s our most famous cryptid 

The bae in the bay

The Chesapeake Bae

Lemonade with no alcohol in it? I think you mean Mike’s Flaccid

I know I just called you dude but I’m trying to flirt with you