we'll use the force

i saw both birds of prey and the witcher with my bff, who is a straight cis man, and in both cases he enjoyed them because i enjoyed them so much, and god bless him for that, but when i asked him what HE thought of them, he said he didn’t particularly like them. and we had a long discussion about how the plot comes secondary to the characters “so it’s like the story doesn’t even matter” he said. and i told him, do you know that’s how most fanfic is too? and character-driven stories where the plot and stakes are less important than the growth of the protagonist are often the kinds of stories women are drawn to??

and i asked him, who is the audience? he didn’t know. i asked, do you think this is a story made for you? and he said, i guess not. (i should pause here and say we have these kinds of discussions a lot; i’m not like baselessly interrogating him. he made it clear he wanted to be having this conversation.) and then i said, if it’s not made for you, how can you enjoy it? he said he didn’t know.

and then i told him this is what it’s like to be a woman watching media made by men, that “ehh, it was alright but it obviously wasn’t for me” feeling he had while watching birds of prey and the witcher is threaded through every second of our lives. and so we’ve had to develop the tools to find ourselves in stories, to empathize with people who aren’t like us. this is true for queer people, people of color, and disabled people too. 

i told my bff he would like these things if he watched them through a woman’s mind. he said he didn’t know how to do that. and i told him that i have to watch everything to a man’s mind all the time. i know how to see through a man’s eyes in order to enjoy stories that are by and for men, but men have never been tasked with seeing something through a woman’s eyes in order to make it for them.

interviewer: let’s talk about reyIo