actual trash for four australian boys

luke:

Michael:

Calum:

Ashton:

my dear luke hemmings,

its hard to believe that today is the day i offically say goodbye to you. the day everyone offically says goodbye to you. everyone who has come close enough to you to know the curled up nose on your face usually means you’re irritated and how you can’t live without at least 8 hours of sleep, have told me a million times how much you loved me. how much you spent your time chattering on about our future together and where you wanted to take me. it seems we’ve only been to one of those places: your home. ironically, im here again, except not in the way you expected. not in the way anyone expected.

my question to you luke, is why did you do it? why did you get into that car when you knew something was bound to happen? did you know that right before you crashed i had texted you a photo of the invitations we were going to send out for our wedding? did you know that when you were being pushed into the ambulance i fell so hard on the concrete that i skinned both my knees because my heels broke as i ran to you? did you know that you spent your last minute with your hand on my wet cheek, and i sung the song that was your favorite for me to sing to you. it’s like all the nights we spent together, me singing you to sleep. but those nights didn’t smell like sickness with blinding white light. those nights didn’t end in me crawling in the hospital bed after your chest rose and fell for the last time, and i became numb. i couldn’t even feel the nurses tear me off you.

your fans miss you, my love. more than anything in this world. but ill miss you more. ill miss everything about you. your mother braided my hair back for me today. we didn’t exchange a word. it’s funny, the faded hickey that you left on my collar bone is still there. it’s almost gone. she didn’t have much to say about it. not about anything. i hope you are there, waiting for me. ive always been afraid to die. maybe now i won’t be.

with all the love in the world,

your wife.

Luke: quick forehead kisses, sweaty hand holding, him borrowing a lot of your shit (and never giving it back), many late night showers together, “babe look what i sent you on Instagram”, calling each other funny nick names, him sticking his cold ass feet between your calves and you shrieking, he’s never warm enough and hogs the blankets, “hey butt munchkin” “hey ass wizard” , petunia cuddling with you more

Ashton: sweaty hugs, late night movie marathons but ashton talks the whole time, every time you go get a cookie the package is always left open, cupboard half open as well as the fridge, home made dinners, hot chocolate in the mornings, he’s always warm no matter what, big paragraphs when he misses you, texts in multiple bubbles, him tracing his fingers on your skin, gentle kisses on your shoulder

Calum: snoring in the middle of the night but not too loud, random ass smacks and grabs in the store, him buying you stuff you didn’t ask for but he knows you like it, back rubs with scented lotion, messy duvet covers kicked over his feet always, loud karaoke sessions in the car, fights over who Duke loves more, goodnight makeout sessions which quickly turn into something else

Michael: dark hickies that are clearly visible, him playing with your hair and getting it tangled, him always trying to get in your pants in public, him buying you food ALL THE TIME, taking pictures of him when he’s sleeping, taking pictures of you when you’re eating, decorating hardcore for Halloween, well planned out birthday celebrations, always kissing you, always touching you, whispered I love yous no matter where you are