✨chaengyoung✨

- You support recovery.

- You support those in recovery.

- You support seeking help.

- You want  people to seek help.

- You think everyone is beautiful, regardless of their weight.

♡Cute Pink Thinspo♡

- Simultaneously eating like a normal person and mentally lashing yourself for it.

- Not eating when you feel angry or sad, but then a few hours later you eat a bag of chocolate marshmallows because you somehow convince yourself it doesn’t count.

- “I shouldn’t have done that”

- Looking at thinspo at night and crying because you feel ugly

- The 5th grader pitch screaming in your head as you take another bite of food.

- a week of super healthy eating and working out followed by two weeks of unhealthy eating 

- constantly shifting of wanting to look like a toned fitness model, to a thicc slim, to a skeleton fairy 

- *eating something* *someone comments on the thing you are eating* *stops eating thing* *50/50 chance you may eat it later*

- oh yeah, random moments of eating something before spontaneously destroying the food or tossing it 

- “Okay, after this weekend, I’m fasting”

- wishing you were anorexic knowing you shouldn't 

- body dysmorphia 

500 calorie maximum

no more than 50% carbs

15-20% protein

4 water bottles

no candy

no cookies

no junk food

Do you think this is a pretty sight? This is the reality of having anorexia for 12+ years. The reality of what eating disorders can do to your body.

When I was in high school and then in college getting my bachelors degree, I spent more time in hospitals and treatment centers than I did out of them.

And then I found out

My organs failed. Permanently.

Last year, I needed major surgery that took about 4 HOURS, and after that I was admitted to the hospital for a week on heavy pain medications, being wheeled around because I couldn’t walk.

I had tubes everywhere.

I had to medically withdraw from graduate school because I had to spend that time in doctors offices, infusion centers for IVs, in the ER, or admitted into the hospital.

Now I have a 6 inch scar across my abdomen and will be on medications for the rest of my life to help my heart and stomach function enough to keep me alive.

I’ve nearly died multiple times from the ED, but I had never believed that my organs could shut down and leave me to deal with that reality for the rest of my life.

That is not a way anyone should have to live life.