Okay, my old header seemed a bit aggressive.

Doug Jones and Danny DeVito in a buddy comedy about a couple of elderly former henchmen unwillingly dragged out of retirement for one last caper. There's a running gag where they claim to be the original duo that the "one of them is short and fat and the other is tall and thin" trope is based on.

Playing against the trope's conventions (but to the actors' respective strengths), DeVito's character is the talkative one while Jones' character hardly says a word. The former argues that popular media usually has it the other way 'round due to prejudice against short people.

I am mere centimeters away from writing a full on essay about how the “goblins are inherently antisemitic” myth spawned by this website propagates misinformation, displays a huge misunderstanding of what folklore is and does, and contributes to an environment that distracts people from how antisemitism actually operates and the ways in which it’s dangerously on the rise in our current climate–something which, surprise surprise, has almost nothing to do with little green fairy men

There are antisemitic iterations of the goblin! There are also antisemitic iterations of basically everything in European folklore, because if there was one thing people in Europe loved it was hating Jews! But those aren’t definitive and the problem there didn’t originate with the invention of the goblin–which was an evolution of other existing fairy myths, overlaps with them, and isn’t nearly as distinct, differentiated, or universally codified as people seem to think. It originated with people hating Jews, and using pre-existing stories and myths to express that hatred. Most of the time, though, they just wrote about Jews, because they didn’t need a secret magical creature code to be terrible to us. They could just do that! The way that people on this website are obsessed with a single, “original” version of a story, which can then be deemed morally acceptable or unacceptable, goes fundamentally against the way folklore is created, propagated, modified, and used to fit different locations at different times. There isn’t a single “problematic” goblin canon you can point to! They aren’t defined that simply! And no, A Certain Popular Fantasy Series doesn’t count! By focusing on the goblin as the problematic thing, and not the stories about Jews that the antisemitic goblin myths–which are rarer than people seem to think–draw off of, the Discourse™ focuses on a single pass/fail signifier of wokeness instead of actually educating people on the complex narratives that have built different iterations of antisemitism over the centuries. It is also, and I cannot stress this enough, not how folklore works. Learn about blood libel, learn about the myth of the Protocols, learn about how antisemitism uses Jews as the powerful other to justify other forms of prejudice and oppression, and don’t write stories about money-obsessed people with hooked noses. Goblins themselves don’t factor into that as anything other than a footnote.   

the differences between alcohol, tobacco, and anything else in america is kind of absurd and it’s hard to wrap your head around without going kinda insane

you can drink alcoholic drinks in public if you want BUT ☝️ only in some places. you can smoke cigarettes almost fucking anywhere though, even though that makes the environment way worse for everyone around you. however you cannot smoke cannabis anywhere. you can’t even have it at all in a lot of places. having open containers (i.e. a bottle of liquor you’ve drank from before) of alcohol in your vehicle is illegal EVEN IF you’re sober as a nun. you can smoke in your car. everything has so much caffeine in it that sometimes a drink just hospitalizes or kills you. you can buy caffeine pills to stay awake at drugstores and gas stations. you need a drivers license to get decongestants and you have to jump through hoops and bark like a trained seal to get any kind of hrt or psychiatric medication. they sell cigs literally everywhere. they wreck your life and finances and make you smell horrid and give you cancer but a bunch of rich people are dumping so much money into keeping them legal that seemingly the only thing the government can do is “ehhh they give you cancer but we can’t BAN them.” cannabis has well-documented medical properties but old white people think smoking it makes you a satanist because of racist government propaganda. hell world

Geological horror. You find a geode and crack it open and the crystal lining its walls is human blood that can't be genetically matched to anyone. You find a human skeleton but every one of the bones is made from rock, a rock that you know can't be whittled into those shapes. You find layers of clay and loam that sport ancient fossils at the top and the still-rotting corpses of modern animals at the bottom.

This reminds me of the blood river in Antarctica. For like a century scientists had no clue why this river looked like, acted like, and felt exactly like blood. Turns out it’s just really high in iron.

Blood Falls isn't just high in iron, it's the byproducts of extremophile bacteria that have been isolated under a glacier in a iron- and sulfur-rich anoxic brine for the past 5 million years.

getting an update on my phone that says "you can now upload a photo to gemini and it'll create a full song with lyrics based on your photo!" and i just. why? why would i want that? why would anyone want that? it sounds like the type of thing that'd be funny to do once but. is this really what it's all for?

The first ever YTP was made by Jesus and was of a speech by Pontius Pilate. They crucified him because his copy of Sony Vegas, which was strictly controlled by Rome at the time, was pirated

every tree grabbed my ass and beat me senseless. so much so that my allergist scribbled more trees! and yet the lovely elm cradled and comforted me

It's extremely funny that there have been multiple writers in multiple mediums who've been allowed to write Wolverine from the X-men who clearly had no idea what a wolverine is and assumed it was a fancy word for "wolf", and at no point did any of the literally dozens of other people involved in bringing their writing to life see fit to challenge this assumption.

aaaah i’m dead and i’m a baby ahhhhh