guilt was never an emotion that dallas was well acquainted with, but that was the only way he could describe the feeling he felt when he looked at petter and listened to them speak. there was an unfamiliar ache in his chest as he was forced to come to terms with the complications that were bound to unfold as their relationship ( if you could call it that ) progressed. a shaky breath fell from his lips as he nodded his head in acknowledgement of the otherâs words, fingers carding through his hair in frustration. âi know itâs not fair to you. i know how it feels to only feel needed when itâs convenient. i never wanted to make you feel that way⌠itâs just⌠itâs easier.â he was a coward, it was as simple as that. he was always one to take the easy route, even if it hurt others in the process or compromised what he truly desired. but maybe this was his chance to break that toxic cycle. the question on petterâs end gave him pause, his heart thudding against his chest as allowed his gaze to drop toward the ground. âi do.â his voice cracked slightly at the confession. âwhich just leads to more drinking and panicking, honestly. itâs a cycle that always leads me back to your door or sending you a âyou up?â text.â he wet his lips, his mouth feeling incredibly dry. âiâve never⌠youâre the first person to make me doubt things to the point iâd risk being open about my sexuality. but, iâm so fucking scared.â
his heart broke and healed in the same moment. at least dallas knew that what he was doing was shitty, wasnât oblivious to the pain he was causingâbut petter fucking hated that it was easier. that the world wouldnât just let dallas be himself, do what he wanted. he wanted to hold him, comfort him, but was far too aware of the party behind them. âi know,â they said softly, because they did. not in the same way, but theyâd lived through what dallas was trying to avoid. and they couldnât entirely blame him. petterâs wondered, every time he texted them or ended up drunk at their door, what led him there. and as much as they wanted to love the fact that dallas thought about them, it was tainted by his ever-present fear. âi donât need you to be...open,â petter said, daring to take a half step closer. âi donât want to make this even harder for you. i know itâs scary but...iâm scared too." he regreted the words as soon as they were out, because this should be about dallas, not petter and his stupid little fears. âi donât know how to help. i donât know how to make this easier for you.â wanted to wrap dallas up in their arms, let him use them however he wanted, do whatever they could to comfort him. but they couldnât and they shouldnât.