'Cause shade never made anybody less gay 🌈

I wish I could have found

“What if I told you I want to see you one more time and end things differently. I regret yelling at you and telling you that everything between us didn’t mean anything. I regret telling you that you make my heart feel like it’s burning in a field of fire. I was just mad that night and I wanted to end things with you because I thought it was going to let peace grow inside my mind. But the minute I knew we ended everything in bad terms, my mind turned into a movie screen that played the best memories we had. I know we turned into ghost around each other too often, but I swear we had too many days where we dived into sadness, but somehow we managed to save one another, and that is something I shouldn’t have taken for granted when I ended everything with you.”

“I hope one day, my heart isn’t wrapped in paper memories of what we were because I’m so tired of my thoughts creating thunder and hurting my heart. I don’t want my heart to be a battleground for my suffering anymore. I’m going to try and put these memories of us to rest. and hopefully one day they wouldn’t make a sound.”

my hurricane

“Unfortunately, I still hear you in my mind telling me how much you love me and I like to imagine that you still do. There are days I’m at the coffee shop we used to go to, and I start to think about your favorite drink. The other day I ordered your drink and mine hoping you would be at my door when I got home telling me how sorry you were for kidnapping my sanity. There are days I look at the blue sweater you left on my bed and I want to burn it, but then I put it on and I go to sleep with it. There are days I realize that it’s been a long time since you left, and I should turn your sweet words to ash. I should forget about your favorite things, and I should burn that sweater, but sometimes I can’t help but wonder what it’ll feel like to burn myself in it.”

Too often you sink me in words                                                                  dripping with vodka, and you don’t                                                                realize how much this affects me.                                                                          I think I should probably cleanse                                                                      your fingerprints from my heart                                                                        before they become too permanent.                                                                  But how can I find the courage to                                                                        erase something that was once so precious?                                                        I keep believing that we can time travel                                                                  to the past, and bring the old you back.                                                          How delusional am I?

““You tell me to be careful when I go into the ocean because it’s deep and I could drown. But why the hell did you let me jump into your heart without warning me I was going to fall deep into it? At least if someone sees me drowning in an ocean they’ll try to rescue me. But what if one day you realize you don’t want me anymore. Who the hell is going to save me from not drowning in a heart that doesn’t want me?” she said as she tried to breathe.”

“It was 5 AM and we still hadn’t slept. You started crying. I couldn’t comprehend. I thought you were the type of person who didn’t swim in sadness, but it took being awake until 5 AM for you to to cut your mind in half and squeeze your sadness out. Your eyes were red like an apple. You were trying to hide your face from me, but somehow I found beauty in your sadness. When you finally found the courage to stare at me in the eye, I started crying. We were both crying all of a sudden. We started kissing with our tears, and this is when I knew that you and I were meant to be. This is when I knew that you and I had collided into real love. We poured the blood that we had in our mind from thoughts that had been cut open into each other’s hand, and we ended up laughing after 30 minutes of pure sadness, and since then I think you’re the one I’ll want to go to the moon with if I ever have the chance,“ I said.”

“I think people shouldn’t let me fall in love with them because when they decide that they don’t want my love anymore, I’m going to be 30 feet deep inside a pool of love, and my mind is going to be drenched with lilac memories of what we were. And after they leave me all alone and the sky is dressed in blue, I’m going to send them a million text messages saying things like, “I miss you,” "I still love you,“ "I hate you because you’re heartless,” or “I’m sorry I promise I’ll change for you.” I’ll send too many long paragraphs in between those texts that sound like some type of suicide note. I think people shouldn’t let me fall in love with them because I’m a wineglass filled with red wine that’s at the corner of a table.”

“I didn’t know you were going to stay with me for this long” she said. “Why did you think that?” I asked. “After a while people tend to realize that I’m like a huge hurricane that’s about to hit so they run away before I start a mess” her eyes shifted to the ground and I wanted to reassure her that I wasn’t going to go anywhere, but I knew words weren’t going to mean much to her.

“How am I supposed to forget about you when your eyes drugged me with ideas about love, and since you’ve left I’ve been addicted to finding that same soothing sensation in someone else’s eyes, but it’s nowhere to be found, and now I feel like my senses are about to explode”

“I hope one day, you find someone who wants to rescue you from the gray thoughts you’re drowning in,“ she said. “I don’t want to find anyone to save me, I want to rescue myself. Looking for someone to save me is like having them dig up my grave, and then eventually giving them the opportunity to throw me in, and burying me while I scream,” I said.”