Shipping People, Overanalyzing Things

So here goes: I think Jensen Ackles is attracted to men, and his anxiety about Dean being queer is actually directly related to his own unresolved sexual anxieties. I think he is attracted to Misha Collins and part of the reason he is so resistant to Destiel is because he is afraid of how ‘visible’ his feelings have become. And he doesn’t want to be put in a situation where he will be forced to confront them. 

There. I said it. And I’m pretty sure I mean it. 

(For the record, I also thinks he loves his wife, and is attracted to women. I don’t think his marriage is a sham or a put on. I just think he has unresolved issues that he really does need to deal with)

OKAY. This is my poem about watermelon. 

It’s titled: 

“Nice Melons.”

You are so wet

So pink

I want to bury my face in you.

And swallow

Ah, yes. Not sure how long you've been in fandom, but, I've been present for the Jensen renaissance -- saw it play out over the years in real time, and boy is it glorious.

...

Jensen and Shipping

As Destiel amped up through s15, the Jensen x Bi!Dean/Destiel discussion had new life breathed into it because Jensen's post-2016 relative silence on it broke into... Shippiness. There was (and still is) a lot of old hurt to reconcile even with the understanding that his attitude has evolved, but the reason for an originally unfriendly attitude is pretty clear to me.

Jensen had the misfortune of having wincest be his first introduction to shipping culture. Very early on on the show, long before he'd really gotten comfortable in his identity, he was confronted with aggressive fans not only pressing him for thoughts on Sam/Dean, but confronting him with suspicions about his personal life. Buckle up, as this gets a bit real.

Things have gotten better, but the 90's and 00's saw a spiking trend in gossip mags going to any lengths to forcibly out suspectedly closeted celebrities. Jensen was... A target. For most of his early career. He spent over a decade being hounded by paparazzi looking for incriminating evidence on his sexuality, and had to grapple with rather disgusting invasions of privacy and articles published citing his "lifestyle" and perpetuating rumors with malicious intent.

When Supernatural started, speculation about his relationship with Jared started popping up in the same places wincest was popular, and "J2" became the new angle paparrazzi and gossip columnists used to try to out Jensen. Shit got ugly. There wasn't any attempt to even appear respectful of boundaries-- Jensen and Jared were harassed and confronted and investigated and all manner of crap, embarrasing and sometimes straight up dangerous press started popping up everywhere. The fervor of it died down when they married Danneel and Gen, but it's still very much a thing. The boys get stalked.

Now, my own impression of it is that Jensen was more greatly traumatized. Could be a difference in personality. Could be that Jensen had already been dealing with this for forever. Could be genuine fear for safety and security. Its probably all of it.

It's my understanding that because his introduction to shipping culture and secret relationship conspiracies occurred simultaneously, he associates the two. He has reason to expect speculation about fictional romance to spill over into speculation of real life romance and result in aggression, harrassment, and attempts to destroy his career. And all of this is that much scarier when the speculation hits close to home.

Destiel and bi!Dean began their lives as fan interptretation. There was little to no conscious intent to tell those stories either in how they were written or how they were acted. The queerness we identified was chemistry, delivery, and body language. It's almost certain that Jensen didn't mean to play it that way.

I truly think he just felt /seen/.

Obviously, the man has evolved. Over the last few years he's sortof come out of his shell. Danneel is a very different character and opens his horizons. Much less performative masculinity, decreased defensiveness, unashamed displays of his interest in fashion. More emotional vulnerability. Learning new skills. Becoming serious about his music, writing and recording songs and performing with much less shyness. He's raised his kids, grown closer with Misha, allowed himself to express himself more freely.

And, with it has come a great change in his approach to queer reads of Dean and his relationship with Cas. He understands and supports it, and wanted more for Dean, and for us. I believe that with every fiber of my being.

He was rude and reactive in the past, and having reason to be so isn't an excuse for the harm it caused -- I just hope this provides some insight into what might have been behind it.

So for him to pose with bi flags and Pride flags in photo ops and say he’s “holding up the rainbow” on Dee’s Pride post?

Gabriel: “This character suffers from crippling issues with his own self-worth due to a lifetime spent religiously obeying his abusive father!”

Dean: “Oh come on…”

Gabriel: “Final answer?”

Dean: “No uh…Dean. Who is Dean? Me. Whatever.”

Gabriel: “Correct! Nnnnnext category!”

Dean: “…C-character flaws for 200.”

Gabriel: “This character used to consider himself the better of two brothers, but after several years of reckless decisions and huge failings that left hundreds perhaps thousands dead he’s since spiraled into a perpetual state of self-hatred and depression!”

Dean: *side-eyes Sam* “C-can I choose another category?”

Gabriel: “Nope!”

Dean: “But I—“

Gabriel: “Oh come on this one is EASSSYY! I’ll even give you a hint.”

Dean: “No I—“

Gabriel: “It’s the same brother who got your mom kille—”

Dean: “SAM ALRIGHT? SAM. WHO IS SAM?”

Gabriel: “CCCOOOORREECCTTT! AND DEAN IS BLAZING UP THE LEADER BOARD. NNNNEXT QUESTION!”

Dean: *smirks at Sam* Ok, let’s get out of this fucking category.  Sexual Humiliation for 500.

Gabriel: If you’re sure.  “This character tried on panties and he liked it.”

Sam: *buzz* “Who is Dean?”

Gabriel: Right you are my boy. 

Dean: Dammit Sam, how did you know that??

Sam: It was an educated guess.  I’ll take sexual humiliation for 300.

Gabriel: “This character is in love with a certain rebel angel named Castiel and he won’t admit it.“

Castiel: *buzz* “Who is Dean?”

Gabriel: Correctomundo!  I’m surprised you got that, you always were a bit dense bro.

Dean:  CAS?!

Castiel: *squints at board* .. uh.. Betrayal for $100.

(laser beam noises)

Castiel: What-

Gabriel: WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT IT’S THE DAILY DOUBLE! 

Sam and Dean: *groaning*

Gabriel: How much you wanna wager?

Castiel: Wager? Gambling really isn’t a good habit, and I’m not sure-

Gabriel: All right, the whole $500 it is! “This character betrayed his family for the Winchesters, then betrayed the Winchesters for Crowley, and then, in proper assbutt fashion, betrayed Crowley for himself. And then kind of fucked the world over a few times too, in the meanwhile.”

Castiel: … *heavy sigh* I promised I would redeem myself-

Gabriel: OOPS WRONG ANSWER. We’ll open it to the other contestants. 

Sam: *buzz* Who is Castiel?

Dean: Sammy, come on..

Gabriel: Answer: “While never explained, this fear of Sam Winchester’s has personified multiple times and has caused him to swear off multiple Steven King novels.”

Castiel: *buzz* What is Coulrophobia?

Gabriel: Can I get that in layman’s terms?

Dean: *buzz* What is Sammy’s stupid fear of Clowns?

Gabriel: That is correct, Dean and you have the lead!

Dean: HA! I’ll take Worst Nightmares for Two Hundred!

Gabriel: Answer: “This nearly caused Dean Winchester to run screaming and crying from a wood mill.”

Dean: Oh that’s bull sh-

Sam: *buzz* What is a kitten?

Gabriel: Judges? *Pause* Yes! We’d also have accepted Cat or Feline!

Dean: Oh, Screw you! You wanna play that way, Fine! Sexual humiliation for $400!

Gabriel: Okay! Answer: “Apart from Castiel and Busty Asian Beauties, this has dominated Dean Winchester’s sexual fantasies!”

Dean: “Dude! Come on, what-

Sam: What is the Impala?

Gabriel: Sure thing, Deano, here ya go! “The illegitimate son of John Winchester and Kate Milligan, this twice-dead half-brother of Sam and Dean hasn’t been seen in a hell of a long time.”

Cas: …

Sam: …

Gabriel: You sure baby bro?

Cas: ?–

Gabriel: Alrighty then! Sexual Humiliation for four hundred! He has dreamt many times about Castiel slapping his ass–and doing, ahem, other things–while pretending to do a medical examination on him.

Cas:

Dean: 

Sam:

Cas: Who is Dean Winchester–

Also me:

This love was meant to be