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watching a video on brewing Mesopotamian beer and look at this orange man (his ass cannot guard the barley)

I think Dick is 13-ish when he meets Bruce in this AU.

technically, battinson does have a guitar!

So the AU part is really that I gave him a couple more guitars. and an acrobat. :)

I think Dick is 13-ish when he meets Bruce in this AU.

like dick, we already know man’s is gorgeous beyond belief.

jason is more handsome than pretty, but he looks just like his mom when she was younger and perhaps kinder, with long lashes and flush cheeks and plump lips, and looking like an angel when he wasn't about to shoot.

tim is the scary type of beauty. like janet drake, who was ready to cut someones throat in a second, ready to negotiate and ruin someones life with that cold cold smile. like the devil, with beauty that makes everyone around him envious. skinny, pale with blood red lips plump lips, high cheekbones, and a cold smile that makes you fall inlove and know that you're making a great mistake at the same time.

He didn't know her when she was younger,  kinder. He met a woman with tired,  faked smile and scared eyes.

And whenever Jason look at a mirror, his face always hold different expressions, learn from different parent figures he had.

Kind, concerning looks come straight from Alfred;  knowing-better smirk with a raising eyebrow, looks surprisingly like Talia; sad little smile reminded him of Catherine; and an angry,  stubborn face,  mirroring Bruce when they fight.

However, Jason do looks just like his mom, when he deeply regrets about something.

Continued under cut

All I could think of

She's not your savior... She's NOT and she sounds like a politician from my country

Edit: Tiffany apparently working as a technical support for government organization

I made a meme. feel free to use as you like

Jason: How many murders did you refrain from committing today?

Damian: Thirty two.

Jason: Good for you.

Jason: *hands him a second cookie*

Bruce:

Okay I so very much want criminals thinking Red Hood is not killing then because Batman offered him cookies. And what if they think Red Hood started working with the bats because of cookies in the first place?

I now want this

as some criminal trying to explain how red hood ended up working with the bats

And then I want my beloved thug named Jeff to, as Dan is putting together the PowerPoint, go recruiting and find a baker to bring into the fold because they need all the enticements they can get their hands on if they’re going to get their boss back

Murder Child devours appeasing offerings on the streets of Gotham

Batman gives Murder Child a GINGERSNAP COOKIE???

Criminal reaction - the Murder Child has rejected the appeasing offering!

Jason: I kinda hate you guys right now, not gonna lie.

Jason: Except you, Alfred, of course.

Alfred: Of course, sir.

Jason: And you, Duke. You’re cool.

Duke: Thanks man.

Jason: And Steph, platonic love of my life, you’re great.

Steph: Aww, thanks.

Jason: Cass? You are a perfect angel who occasionally incites unbelievable amounts of chaos and I love you.

Cass: Love you too.

Jason: Babs? Thanks for that thing you did.

Babs: No problem.

*a few concerned looks*

Jason: Damian, you’re fine.

Damian: You are acceptable as well.

Steph, stage whispering: It’s how they show love.

Jason: Bruce, go to hell.

Bruce, sighing: You can’t patrol in a zombie Easter bunny costume.

Jason: It would be hilarious and you know it.

Jason: Anyway, Tim? You are a menace to society but most importantly to Lex Luthor and I appreciate your contribution to his continued suffering.

Tim: Thanks.

Jason: And as for YOU!

Dick: *nervous giggle*

Jason: YOU.

Dick: Heh-eh, yeah, that’s me. I’m me, I mean, I-

Jason: Just what do you have to say for yourself, young man?

Dick: Young man? I’m older than you!

Jason: Fine. Old man. Whatever.

Dick: I’m not old!

Tim, under his breath: Oh my word.

Jason: Well?

Dick: Uh-Huh, so, funny story, but-

Steph: *loud crunching sounds from popcorn*

Everyone: *looks at Steph*

Steph: What?

Bruce: Where did you get popcorn?

Steph: It’s my superpower. Continue.

Jason: Gladly. YOU!

Dick: I feel like we did this part already.

Jason: Well?

Duke: Can we skip to the part where we find out what he did?

Jason: What he did! Do you know what he did?

Damian: No, and at this rate we never will.

Jason, ignoring that: He got me banned from 14 countries and 8 different airlines.

Cass: Well at least that’s not going to stop you.

Dick: And I said I was sorry.

Steph: Wait, back up. How did HE get YOU banned?

Jason: *gesturing for Dick to explain*

Dick: I, uh, panicked and pretended to be Jason?

Everyone:

Tim: Okay I feel like that needs some explaining.

Bruce: *loud, drawn out sigh*

Alfred: Knowledge is a burden, Master Bruce.

Bruce: Ignorance is bliss? *goes to stand up*

Alfred: Nice try.

Dick: Bruce, this is ridiculous. You can't just treat all of Gotham like they're helpless infants. Next you'll be trying to adopt every Gothamite!

Bruce:

Dick:

Jason: Now look what you did. You gave him an idea!

Bruce: I do have the money for it-

Dick and Jason: NO!

(Inspired by ThePandaRedd's "Alfred call the guy" skits)

Barbara yelling at Bruce over the phone: STOP TRYING TO ADOPT ME

Bruce: It’ll work eventually.

Bruce: And I respect that. Also, please sign here.

Dick, holding the keys to the batmobile hostage: Don’t you dare adopt my girlfriend’s dad!

Bruce: You two aren’t even dating anymore!

Bruce: But did they sign the papers?

Bruce, compiling the adoption papers for Billy to sign: What does that have to do with anything?

Jason, a little in shock: Was I outmaneuvered? Was this a trick all along? Have I been bamboozled!?

Dick: Wow Jason, you really took after Bruce.

Babs chooses sister because it’s the option Bruce likes the least. Gordon has been trying to dad Bruce since Bruce was 8. He teams up with Alfred.

Bruce: Hey so Alfred said I didn’t have to go to the justice league mixer.

Jim: I know for a fact that he has already picked out what you are going to wear. I’ll be giving you a ride.

….

Bruce: Alfred, Jim told me to ask you if I could-

Alfred: I already know that he said no, so you can trick me with this strategy.

Bruce: How?! You’re never in the same room!

…..

Jim: Bruce I know that you’re not supposed to be out tonight. Alfred and I are both very disappointed in you. Alfred is waiting up for you, he’s expecting you back in 15 minutes.

Bruce: I didn’t even see you pull out a phone to contact him, how do you both do that?!

…..

Bonus:

Barbara: Who keeps spamming my computer?!

Alfred’s voice from the computer speaker: I know you haven’t been feeling well and that you have been told to get some rest. I’ve sent over some soup.