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@oliviaxwestons

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Gotta say, I really don't get more frequent reminders that I'm probably not ready to have kids than I do when I go to the grocery. I was there today just grabbing a few things and I see this kid just bawling their eyes out and, even though I know it's probably just a tantrum because they're not getting their way, my heart starts hurting and it genuinely upsets me. And if that's how a child crying makes me feel when it's not even mine then, phew... yeah, definitely not ready. Not that I'm in a rush or anything, for the record, but still. The curse of being a softie, I guess.
Honestly, I don't think that's a sign you're not ready for kids. I think it's a sign you're a decent person. The fact that your first reaction was concern instead of annoyance says a lot. And for what it's worth, most of those grocery store meltdowns aren't nearly as serious as they sound. Sometimes they're tired, sometimes they're overwhelmed, and sometimes they're crying because the universe cruelly refuses to let them bring home seventeen boxes of cereal. If anything, I'd say it's a good sign that your heart goes out to them. The world could use a few more softies.
Why do people think that it’s ok to bring food into a library? This is a place for studying and reading, not for you to eat your lunch!
If I have to clean soda and pizza sauce off one more Wimpy Kid book I'm going to lose it!
See, this is exactly why I could never work in a library long-term because I’d eventually snap and start handing out citations like parking tickets. That or I'd just start banning people from the library altogether, which...you know, defeats the purpose of a library. There are approximately eight million places to eat lunch. A library is one of the very few places specifically designed to keep sticky fingers away from books. But also, pizza sauce on a Wimpy Kid book feels like the most aggressively middle school crime imaginable.
Music - what’s been on repeat lately?
Fine Place to Die by Alex Warren
🌸🌼 SPRING ASKS 🌼🌸
I've got to think that even if it wasn't recently cleaned, it's gotta have at least some off-taste to it. Especially if it wasn't recently cleaned, like either it's cleaned and then will have that chemical, maybe chlorine kind of taste, or it's not and then some lingering residue even if it was flushed and nothing in the bowl besides the water. Man, I'm shuddering just thinking about it. Dude's probably lucky he didn't end up with e. coli or something.
I feel like you're right. Logically that makes sense. But I just don't know how he wouldn't have been able to taste the difference, especially with how many cups he drank. I mean...what does his normal water taste like? How much water does he drink? Does he drink water? I have so many questions.

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You wound me!! I'm so sad now.
By the way, guess what.... IT'S MAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'd say I'm sorry, but we both know I'm not.
Would free coffee make up for it? Happy May, though? How was your first?
This now, this us, we can cope with that. We can do this together you and I.
It´s that one day of the year, April 30th, and our whole generation has one song stuck in their mind. Or at least that one sentence from that song. You know the one I´m talking about. And I know you wanna say it, so let me hear you finish this... 🎼 IT`S GONNA BE...🎤...
Absolutely not. I have been hearing that all over campus today. Not a chance in hell.
Oh shit.
Here I thought she was giving him dog water!
See, that somehow wouldn't be as bad to me as drinking toilet water. It would still be disgusting, but something about drinking toilet water just...nope. I'd never be able to drink water again. Or look at my kid the same.
The little voice in my head that sounds weirdly like my mother is horrified -- horrified -- at the very idea of that, and I think that's probably why it's best that I stick with canine kiddos for the foreseeable future. Not that Pepper wouldn't stick his snout in the toilet for a drink if he could, but fortunately my little old man is at least a foot too short for that, and hasn't figured out how to drag over a step stool. YET.
Believe me, I get that. This whole situation made me realize just how lucky I got with Phoibe in that department. She's had her moments where she is unmistakably my daughter, but she's pretty much perfect. I kind of hit the jackpot with her; I feel like it was karma's way of being like 'my bad' after all the other shit I went through lol. I'm glad Mal is too short to get into anything like that, but that doesn't stop her from causing her own chaos.

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Alright, that's all terrible and most definitely a great anecdote to use as birth control for anyone even vaguely traipsing into the baby fever territory... But I've gotta ask, how could anyone not even taste like a hint of something off, I mean toilet water has to have some kind of chemical taste to it, right?
I genuinely have no idea how it never occurred to him to wonder where she was getting the water from. Like...I feel like that should have been common sense, but apparently not. Logistically, I don't know if toilet water tastes different than other water. If the toilet is clean, I feel like it'd just be the same water that comes from the sink or dishwasher or something like that. I'm not an architect so I have no idea how that works, but I would think if your toilet had one of those freshener things in the bowl then it would definitely have a chemical taste.
Storytime — I was bringing Fi over to a friend’s house for a sleepover on Friday, and I stuck around for just a little while to have some actual adult conversation with her dad. So Lexie and Fi ran upstairs, and I saw their family’s youngest (she’s about 3) coming down the hall with a cup of tea from a tea set she got for Christmas. She gives this cup to him, and he drinks it then gives her the cup back, and she wanders away again. He was just so proud. I mean, beaming. It was kind of adorable in and of itself. He works a lot of nights so he wasn’t around a lot for Lexie when she was that age, and he’s just so happy that he gets to spend the time with Callie (since in true pre-teen form, Lexie wants nothing to do with him currently). So we got to talking, primarily me reminiscing about those days with Fi, and I asked what kind of tea or juice he had given her to use. He said no tea. No juice. It was just water. Which was fine. But then he said he was so proud of her because she put it all together by herself. Cue my horror as this little girl comes back into the room, offers him another cup, offers me a cup (which I politely declined), and then wanders off again. A couple seconds pass, and I am honestly a little stunned at this point that this man hasn’t stopped to think where she’s getting the water from. Long story short — he spent Friday night at the ER freaking out, and I have had all three girls all weekend to give him time to recover (mentally primarily) from the fact that he spent all day drinking cup after cup of toilet water his daughter had been giving him. Quick tip from a single mom? If your kid wants to have a tea party (with you or with their stuffed animals) and they are under roughly 3 feet tall — you probably should make all the refreshments yourself if they want to use actual drinks…
"There were things I wanted to pass on like maybe my eyes or my smile, and there were things I hoped would end with me. Like the dark voice in my mind which whispered, 'you are not enough,' "
Dracula or Frankenstein
Dracula. For sure. And despite the fact that Dracula was a literal monster (being a vampire) while Frankenstein was human, Frankenstein was the bigger monster in my mind. He created his monster, then promptly abandoned him because of how he looked. Even though he's the one who created him and knew what he was going to look like. I also prefer vampires regardless, but still.
PM: You’re right. All of it. I left. I made a choice, and you both lived with the consequences of that choice every single day while I didn’t. That’s on me, entirely. I’m not here expecting forgiveness, or access, or some kind of retroactive claim to being a parent. I know I don’t get to step back in and pretend time didn’t pass or damage wasn’t done. I don’t think I deserve anything from you — not trust, not patience, not even a reply, honestly. I’m not looking for redemption on demand. I don’t think I’m owed a second chance, or any chance at all. I just didn’t want to keep being the person who never even tried to acknowledge the harm he caused. If the only thing I ever get to do is take responsibility without being welcomed back into your lives, then… that’s fair. I can live with that.
PRIVATE:
Taking responsibility is the bare minimum here, Elijah. It doesn’t undo anything, and it certainly doesn’t earn you access to mine or Fi's lives. But it does matter more than pretending nothing happened. I’m not interested in punishing you, and I’m not interested in reopening doors that were closed for a reason. Phoibe and I built a life on our own — one that’s steady and safe because I made hard choices when I had no other choice. That life and her comfort isn’t something I’m willing to put at risk. You can acknowledge the harm you caused, and you can sit with that. But you also need to understand that taking responsibility and saying sorry for your part in the hell we've been through? It doesn’t automatically translate into being part of her world now. We can be cordial, I can try at least, but you're not part of her life. She doesn't know who you are, and that isn't going to change any time soon.

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I don’t know, Liv—if something floats around in a tattered cloak, sucks out souls, and makes everyone relive their worst trauma, I’m gonna go ahead and slap the “bad vibes” label on it and move on with my life. “Born from despair” sounds like the PR spin their lawyer came up with.
Born from despair does seem like a company line, I'll give you that, but it's the truth; they were created from the heinous shit that dark wizards did on the island. But see it's the truth, which leaves the question of if they don't have souls or a conscience then can they actually be considered evil?
dearest gentle reader—