v e n t

First of, i want to present my deepest most genuine apology to anyone who relates to this. You're not alone.

lately and by lately i mean for the last *almost* 2 years, life has been unbearable, unlivable even. The huge resentment i hold for my dad and the sympathy i have for my mom are eating me alive. I feel as if i were the bearer of all emotion known to mankind, i feel so deeply it hurts. My dad is an asshole and i wish there was a word more specific to depict how bad of a person he is. And as much as i love my mom, im angry with her. She is too loving, too caring.

i am going to give you an example of a typical normal day: my mom's "good morning" isn't answered, he doesn't even glance her way. lunch time comes and she calls him for lunch, and of course he can't give an answer a normal human can give, he screams with the most absurd, aggressive yell "no, i don't want to eat" or any other answer that i do not care to mention. if something falls or gets broken on its own the glances of blame and hatred are always thrown at my mom. He is such a distasteful horrible person i hate the way he acts, he behaves, he speaks, i hate every aspect of him.

when he was younger, he was "normal" they did of course fight but they were normal fights that any married couple would have, and they had normal daily conversations.

Now they don't speak. My mom tries to conversate or ask about his day, but its as if she's talking to a wall, for a wall might be a better listener than the person i am obliged to call "dad". He does not answer her, and if i dare and tell to answer her, he'll look at me with the most horrid, red vesseled eyes telling me to "mind my own business". At that moment my mind starts to spiral, thinking about different ways how this burden of a person can disappear forever from our lives.

My mom lives in constant grieve, sadness, distress, because of him. Making me feel like i'm being eaten alive by rage, it's slowly consuming every aspect of my life. i hate him so much, i don't think i'll ever come across a person that would make me hate them the way i hate this man.

and i feel like a ticking bone, i can feel it in my bones that i'm going to lash out on him, i don't know what reckless thing i might do at that state of mind, but it's no good. And i fear showing weakness in front of my mom, because she's going to be more bothered, and there's no need for her to suffer more. i wish that she attains peace within herself, a level of peace where she does not care for a narcissist like him.