my obsessions

I don’t cook! I’m a scary and powerful fire demon!

Yesterday he asked me to help him with a problem with a program we use but wasn’t actually listening to me when I tried to help, so it wasn’t working. He asked who the expert on this program was in our office and I told him it was me. He asked who the expert was within the organisation and I told him it was me. He sent me out of his office saying he would call IT to fix it. So I very patiently went back to my desk, where my phone rang a minute later, with IT asking me to help someone who had a problem with the program.

Imagine you spent basically a third of your life hating this one person, blaming him for ever terrible thing that’s happened to you

And then you meet him, and he refuses to touch Nicaise— beautiful, ‘willing’ child Nicaise— despite it being offered. He trades the only thing he has to give— his obediance— to protect slaves he doesn’t even know. He is given the perfect chance to see you killed— vengence for every awful thing you put him through— and instead he saves your life, not because he realizes the crime would be pinned on him, but simply because it is the right thing to do.

Damen talks his way into coming to the border, and Laurent is expecting it to be 100% a ploy to escape, but instead Damen works as hard as his own men, spends sleepless nights teaching him strategy, and offers his advice unbidden. He is the first person to tell Laurent ‘You don’t have to do this alone’, and he proves those words, shows his trustworthiness and acts in partnership all the way through Nesson, even though he has absolutely no reason to help— doesn’t even know what Laurent is there to do! Doesn’t even bother to ask!

Not to mention, he’s charming while doing it! Defending Laurent’s honor when the men gossip about them! Casually ripping bars from windows! Bringing Laurent dinner when he realizes he didn’t eat!

‘That wasn’t a play against my uncle. That was a play against Nicaise. Boys are easy. At thirteen,’ said Laurent, ‘you could have led me around by the nose.’     ‘I can’t believe you were ever easy.’     ‘Think of the greenest innocent you’ve ever tumbled,’ said Laurent.

Underlying meaning Laurent would never articulate out loud: Please imagine me as young.

‘I wouldn’t have to tell them you were a prince to sell you to that troop.’     Laurent held his ground. ‘Not really? I would have thought twenty was a little grown up for that.’

I’m too old to be desirable.

‘I forgot, you don’t fuck boys.’

I don’t understand why you would prefer a man to a boy.

Damen said, ‘Men, sometimes.’    ‘In the absence of women?’

You couldn’t really want me. It must just be that you can’t have what you really want.

‘Your inclination appears to be much as it was last night.’

You’ve fucked me already. Surely you got what you wanted. Why would you still want me now?

‘I want you,’ said Damen.    ‘You’ve had me,’ said Laurent. ‘Twice.’

Why would you still want me.

‘You’ve been thinking about it since Ravenel. Since Nesson.’ …    'You’re right,’ said Damen. 'I’ve been thinking about it since Ravenel. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it.’    'Why?’

Why would you still want me.

‘I’ll stay,’ said Damen. ‘You know I’ll stay for as long as you—’     ‘Don’t,’ said Laurent. ‘Don’t lie to me. Not you.’

You won’t stay with me.

'As if being fucked into the mattress by the King of Akielos could be anything other than demeaning…How did you think it would be?’ said Laurent. ‘You’d take me to your bed for the public consummation?’

This wasn’t real, and now it’s is over and I accept it, I don’t know why you’re acting as though things are otherwise. (Also it’s a bit like he’s talking to himself here.)