Old Commie Bacon

Are you mentally ill?

Are you physically ill?

What is the most expensive thing you have bought?

Do you have a job?

Are you in school?

Are you a dropout?

Are you in college?

Introvert or extrovert?

What do you think when you look at your body?

What have others said when they look at your body?

Do you have a particular song that you feel deeply?

Talk about a time in your life where you have felt most alive?

Are you confident wearing a bikini?

Can you look people in the eyes while talking?

Has anything terrible happened to you?

Has anything wonderful happened to you?

Favorite part of your personality?

Least favorite part of your personality?

Favorite part of your body?

Least favorite part of your body?

Favorite quote?

Do you have friendships with all genders?

Do you have a good relationship with your father?

Do you have a good relationship with your mother?

Do you have a good relationship with your siblings?

Have you ever been hurt physically or mentally by a family member?

Have you ever had a near death experience?

Do you know anyone who has taken their own life?

Have you ever tried to take your own life?

Biggest lie you have told?

Do you follow any conspiracies?

Do you believe in a New World Order?

Do you respect your government and the way your country is run?

Is there currently any strife in your country?

Have you ever been displaced within your country?

Are your friendships healthy?

Are you currently fighting with a friend?

Are you jealous of a friend? Why?

Do you believe in the Illuminati?

Do you think any celebrities are associated with the Illuminati? Who?

How can people tell you are nervous?

How can people tell you are sad?

Do you ever express your true feelings?

Regrets in your life?

Achievements in your life?

What did people say about you in school?

What did you say about people in school?

Is there something you have never told anyone?

Have you committed an illegal act?

If you had two days to spend one million dollars how would you spend it?

What were your aspirations at age 5, 10, 15, 18?

Describe your first kiss? Was it how you imagined?

Growing up were you in a wealthy, average, or low income household?

Are you from a broken marriage?

Have you been raised by a solo parent?

Do you know both your parents?

What colour eyes, hair and skin do you have?

Have you abused drugs or alcohol?

What languages can you speak?

Do you conform to your societies standards?

Do you cry often?

Do you tell people what you think of them?

Are you comfortable accepting compliments?

Are you comfortable giving compliments?

Is any mental illness hindering your life?

Is any physical illness hindering your life?

Do you keep up with current events?

What’s the latest news in the world you have heard/read?

What have you done today?

Do you sleep well?

Do you sleep badly?

Have you ever hurt anyone because you were hurting?

Has anyone ever hurt you because they were hurting?

Have you ever had to end a friendship/relationship? Why?

Have you ever stopped someone from hurting themselves?

Has anyone ever stopped you from hurting yourself?

Do you like your laugh?

Are you preparing for an apocalypse? And what kind?

Do you have any funny family stories?

Are you religious?

Do you like to watch true crime shows or movies?

Are you interested in cults?

Would you like to raise a family in your country?

List some things you wanted in your childhood but never got?

Is there a large age gap between you and a sibling?

Are you from a blended family?

Do you believe in marriage? Why/Why not?

What is the nicest thing anyone has said to you?

Do you keep a journal?

Would anyone be hurt by reading it?

Do you have children?

Have you been pregnant?

List your favorite movies?

List your favorite people?

Talk about the birthmarks and scars on your body?

Do you look after yourself?

Do you put yourself or others first?

Are you happy today?

Zoom in on: @mop-2016

Critics have called Mop’s campaign lacklustre and feeble, while Mop’s supporter has called Mop “relatable and reliable.” Mop’s history undoubtedly lends credibility to their positions on initiatives, although many have found Mop to be unclear on the specifics of these positions.

Despite being a polarizing figure, Mop has yet to inspire passion among undecided voters, which will be crucial if Mop wants to edge ahead in this race.

Preliminary Wikipedia-level research tells us that the Zodiac Killer’s period of activity is confirmed to have extended from 1968-1969, but speculation places the first murders as early as 1963. Excluding that 1963 murder (which occurred while Sanders was still enrolled in college in Chicago) every Zodiac murder fits on a timeline that does not preclude Sanders as a suspect. 

However, we can still account for that unconfirmed 1963 murder when we consider that Sanders was actively traveling at the time - he participated in the March on Washington for Jobs and Freedom on August 28, 1963, but his whereabouts were unaccounted for on June 4, 1963 when Robert Domingos and Laura Edwards were murdered (presumably by the Zodiac Killer) in Gaviota, California. The University of Chicago does not have record of Sanders participating in any summer enrollment at that time, and summer break was well underway - Sanders had ample opportunity to travel to Gaviota and commit the crime.

Following his graduation from the University of Chicago in 1964, there is a period of time in which it is difficult to track Sanders’ movements throughout the country. Vermont news source ‘The VT Digger’ even notes specifically that 

“One period of his life, the years from 1964 to 1971, however, has been left unexplained.”

It wasn’t until the mid-to-late 70s that Sanders became recognizable as the politician we know now. In the intervening years, verbal record puts him at some point on a kibbutz ‘somewhere in Israel’, though a reporter with Forward has been unable to uncover exactly which kibbutz - and when questioned, his campaign did not provide clarification.

Property records place him back in the United States at some point in 1964, but those are far from definitive proof of location. He was in the United States between 1966 and 1971, the Zodiac Killer’s speculated period of activity after the initial (suspected) activity in 1963.

What years are unaccounted for in Sanders’ publicly available history? Of course, 1964-1971 - after which he aligned himself with the Liberty Union Party and made a number of attempts at public office. Why the sudden foray into the public sphere?

It seems simple enough: Sanders is the Zodiac Killer, and he knew he was close to being caught. Where better to retreat to than Vermont? How better to establish his alibi than as an anti-war public figure? Even so, he continued to taunt the police well into the early 1970s, finally going silent in 1974 as he made his first bid for a Senate seat and succumbed to the pressure of greater public scrutiny.

Why is it more likely that Sanders was the zodiac killer? The timeline makes sense. The opportunity was there. The motive? Who can say.

Is it really so impossible?

Oh, and as to why it’s more likely that Bernie Sanders was the Zodiac Killer as opposed to Ted Cruz, keeping in mind our 1963-1974 timeline during which the perpetrator would have had to possess significant physical strength (Sanders was a basketball star in high school) and reasonable mental acuity…

First, it’s necessary to prove that Ted Cruz had the physical and mental capabilities to perform these heinous murders. This is, admittedly, an obstacle, as his official birth certificate lists Cruz’s birth as being after all murders generally attributed to the Zodiac Killer, and it would be rather challenging for Cruz to conduct murders if he was not yet born.

However, there is a simple explanation: his birth certificate is inaccurate. There has already been significant controversy regarding Canadian documents related to Cruz and his family. Though Cruz’s campaign has consistently claimed that his mother was only a citizen of the United States, recent documents have revealed that both his parents were on a list of eligible voters in Calgary at the time of his birth. The Cruz backstory is fascinating and, at some points, defies belief. It is not much of a stretch to say that the year listed on his birth certificate is also a forgery. Modern software tools can provide the level of forensic analysis that was absent in 1970, to reveal Cruz’s age. Some suggest that Cruz is actually much older than documents state.

Assuming that Cruz is actually 64, he would have been 18 at the time of the murders, giving him the physical and mental ability to have carried them out. Notably, this alternative timeline would also place him as being a freshman in college at the time. Cruz was well-known for his college debate career — yet could murder have been one of his other extracurriculars?

Let’s review the facts of Ted Cruz’s college life. With the demanding schedule of Princeton’s parliamentary debate league, he would have had plenty of weekends and other days with legitimate alibis, as well as breaks and other time off from school, and with his father a noted oilman, he would have had plenty of money to finance trips to California. Cruz likely selected the San Francisco Bay area for its size and distance, a place where a young college student could easily blend in but one far enough away from Princeton that he would never be suspected. This freedom of anonymity allowed Ted to hint at his own name in his taunting letters to local press and police, repeatedly misspelling “cruise” as “cruse”, using a symbol combining a stylized TED (pictured below)

and even inserting his own name into his cryptograms.

Diving deeper into his college days, one adjective that stands out is “creepy.” Four independent witnesses volunteered that adjective for Cruz, describing his habit of lurking outside the women’s bathroom in a paisley bathrobe. Others described him as “intense,” “abrasive,” and a “crank.” His former college roommate has been one of his most strident critics:

Now, just because someone’s creepy doesn’t mean they’re the infamous Zodiac Killer. But 99 percent is a level that’s not just a normal level of creepy - that’s murdered-several-people-in-northern-California-in-the-late-1960s creepy. Ted Cruz’s lust for power has been long-running and well-documented, and the idea that there is something wrong with Ted Cruz’s soul is one that continues to pop up on the campaign trail today.

Now, none of this is definitive proof that Ted Cruz committed a string of murders in Northern California and sent taunting letters to the local press bragging about his exploits. But it does establish that he had the means and opportunity to commit these crimes, and while his motive may be lost to history, the testimony of those close to him at the time suggest that he was morally capable of carrying out such heinous acts. Though this case remains unsolved, it is clear that Ted Cruz should remain the primary suspect.

While it’s clear on offset that the majority of the conclusions tying Cruz to Zodiac are patently false, I’ll pretend for a moment that facial recognition software is a viable tool for determining the authenticity of legal documents. Even if Ted Cruz was 64 today, having been born in 1952, he could not be the Zodiac Killer.

There are two reasons why: because he didn’t commit those crimes, and because Bernie Sanders did.

Here’s how we know that Ted Cruz is not the Zodiac Killer.

Even if we accept the claim that Cruz is as old as @thefaultinouroranges believes he is, that version of events doesn’t take the suspected Zodiac killing of Domingos and Edwards in 1963 into account. While the Sanders timeline places Bernie squarely at the scene of the crime, even if Cruz wasn’t little more than a twinkle in his mother’s eye in 1963, he could not have been committing those crimes. Why?

@thefaultinouroranges would have us believe that ‘he was roughly college aged when some of the murders took place’ as a theory ties up every loose end. However, if Cruz is 64 today, when Domingos and Edwards were killed, he was twelve.

That’s a picture of Ted Cruz in high school - at least two years older than he was at the time of the 1963 murders, even under the most generous timeline possible. Time, for contrast, dates this picture in the late 1980s.

Could this man, as a twelve year old, physically overpower and murder a man and a woman in their late teens? The answer is ‘no’. The timeline we’re being presented with simply doesn’t make sense.

Further, even if we abide by the assumption that Ted Cruz is about seventeen years older than he claims to be, certain papers don’t lie - among them, a U.S. passport issued for the first time in 1986. In 1974, at a time by which Cruz would have needed to have spent an excessive amount of time in the United States in order to commit anywhere from five to nine murders, both Cruz’s mother and father appeared on a list of Calgary’s registered voters.

Even ignoring the inconsistencies between @thefaultinouroranges‘s account and literally any sort of record kept, by Princeton, by Calgary, or by any U.S. source whatsoever, the Canadian Citizenship Act of 1947 precludes the sort of duel citizenship that could have made the necessary border-hopping easier for Cruz - housing records place him definitively in Calgary when he needed to be in Gaviota, California, and either a bundle of protein in his mother’s ovaries or twelve years old and too small to pick up a handgun without falling over.

Is Ted Cruz the Zodiac Killer?

No.

Bernie Sanders is.

Perhaps the most compelling evidence as to his guilt, beyond the entire (thus far uncontested) set of assertions I detailed initially, is his association with the Liberty Union Party. Previously, it’s been difficult to tie Sanders to anything further west than Chicago. However

The Liberty Union Party ran on values parallel to those of the Peace and Freedom Party in California, and both the LUP and PFP were part of the People’s Party. In the years leading up to 1972, the Zodiac killer remained active - if only in the form of taunting letters to the police. How better to get those letters from Vermont to California than on business - through the Liberty Union party?

The most damning evidence, however, comes from that acronym - LUP.

It’s clear that something symbolic is motivating the actions of the Zodiac. Something in which Zodiac fervently believes. But wait - look at that symbol again.

Now, @thefaultinouroranges can see Ted Cruz’s name in anything from Zodiac cyphers to pizza crust if he wants, but facts are facts.

What makes more sense - twelve year old Ted Cruz getting upset over too few people wearing his monogrammed buttons, or Bernie Sanders, an increasingly disillusioned man in his thirties, trying to call out the establishment for their failure to heed minority voices like that of the LUP?

Was the LUP involved? The evidence is inconclusive.

But Sanders’ involvement is readily apparent and impossible to ignore. Whether or not he acted alone, Bernie Sanders is and was the Zodiac Killer.

Primarily, while the crimes do bear some similarities to the Zodiac attack at Lake Berryessa, they also differ in several major ways. The murder of Cheri Jo Bates is chronologically the closest to the D&E killings, and that’s a gap of over three years. All his other killings are much closer spaced. Moreover, the D&E killings differ from the others in certain signatures. The D&E killer posed the bodies after he killed them and also tried to obscure the crime scene through setting fire to a tarp, something not present in any of the other known or suspected Zodiac cases (in which he generally avoided doing anything with the bodies, including attempts at concealment). This case is also notable for an absence of communication with police or media, an element common to every other case. It just doesn’t match his MO.

Moreover, the passport issue presents less of a barrier than it appears. Cruz, as a U.S. citizen, cannot be arrested for simply being present in America. And as a Canadian citizen, he is of course free to live in his own country as well. The only time he would need a passport is when it comes to the actual act of crossing the border. Fortunately for Cruz, the US-Canada border is near-entirely unguarded.

Cruz could just walk right through today. Pre-Reagan, pre-War on Drugs, pre-War on Terror? It’s not a challenge at all.

On the People’s Party, there is little evidence of any cooperation between the PFP and the LUP before 1971, when the party would have begun to think seriously about fielding a candidate for the presidency. While that would place Sanders in California, it would place him there nearly a year too late to fit within the timeframe of the murders. He certainly wouldn’t have been there in 1968-69 - when all the confirmed Zodiac killings happened - as the LUP wasn’t formed until 1970. The Zodiac’s symbol may symbolize a host of things - but it’s unlikely that it symbolizes the initialism of a party that did not yet exist.

Now, the main argument in favor of the ‘Sandy’ explanation is the different characteristics of the body disposal - however, as Marisa Mauro in Psychology Today (and literally every serial detective show ever, come on man I know you’ve watched Hannibal) writes:

“The MO may evolve over time as the criminal gets better, more efficient, or suffers set backs because of a particular method. The evolution of an MO is textbook operant conditioning, a form of learning.”

What’s more likely - a random killer just happens to duplicate some key components of a future Zodiac crime six years in advance, or a young college student and a nearly-thirty soon-to-be politician have slightly different ideas about how to deal with a crime scene, with an intervening period of a few years to think it out and come back and execute the plan a little more efficiently? The ‘Sandy’ alternative proves nothing, and unnecessarily complicates the narrative - a totally different killer showing up in the same place, going after the same sort of victim, and using the same general methodology relies a lot more on coincidence than ‘he got smarter and came back’.

Then we have the immigration issue - not as simple as one might think. Even with your ‘Ted Cruz was actually 12 in 1963′ timeline, Ted Cruz was actually 12 in 1963. It’s not easy for a minor to travel alone by bus, train, or airplane without their parents’ consent, involvement, and adherence to legal procedures when it comes to border crossing. Even at 16 (as some speculated killings occurred in 1967) Cruz’s age is a huge mitigating factor on his capacity to pull off the border crossing without a passport. He’s legally a minor - an 18 year old might be able to walk through the border and hitchhike to the nearest airport, but not someone who needs their parents’ credit card to buy the ticket. Let’s be real here. Borders are an issue.

As for the LUP, I mean, come on - cut them some slack for not collaborating formally before 1971, they were founded ‎June 1, 1970. 

Peter Diamondstone, the founder of LUP, graduated from the University of Chicago in 1960, Sanders in 1964 - their time on campus and their social circles definitively intersected. The ideology of the Liberty Union Party didn’t spring spontaneously into existence with its foundation, though its capacity to collaborate with like-minded organizations did. What I hoped to point out with that assertion was both the fact that Sanders had substantial support from a group of radicals that contributed to his capacity to execute the Zodiac murders and contributed to his distinctive identity as a killer.

On August 1, 1969, the first letter bearing the Zodiac/LUP symbol was published. Sanders had been active in Vermont’s leftist community since 1964 at that point, or had at least owned Vermont land - it’s entirely possible that both the ideology and the symbol of the nascent organization had already become a defining part of his modus operandi.

Meanwhile, though, if you want to think about that symbol in relation to an Actual Real Timeline, Ted Cruz was Felito Edward Cruz until he changed his name when he was was 13. In 1983. ‘Ted’ did not exist at the same time as anything Zodiac did. Find ‘Rafael’ in the symbol and we can talk. That’s a rhetorical statement, not a challenge.