bob

I love that people are countering this with “Well you haven’t read the book”. If I met someone and they told me about their relationship but started with how their boyfriend tracked their cellphone, manipulated them, scared them, refused to offer support when they were upset or scared, that they had to hide things from him in order to feel safe, ignored their retraction of consent and issued ultimatums without educating them about their choices then why should I care how they met? Why does what he got her for Valentine’s day that one year matter? There is no context that would make those things okay, so why exactly does not knowing the good things he supposedly does make my opinion less valid?

Just because you haven't read it doesn't mean you can't have an opinion about the franchise. But that's the thing, Grey makes sure that Ana can't tell a friend about him so she can't be told that how hes treating her is wrong. He isolated her so he could control her. It's disgusting. But, I know what you mean. If the bad is bad enough knowing the rest that goes along with it doesn't matter.

I can tell you don’t watch much TV, because there’s stuff like that happening all over the world and not too many people are doing anything to stop it.

I have about ten different explanations for why what you just said is wrong and dangerous. But I can't with you anymore.

Not everyone likes to play it safe, which is where the events in the book come into play. You can be against it all you want, but it doesn’t change the fact that it’s a thing.

It's not "playing it safe". It's rape. She said no, he continued. It's rape. It's abuse. And I can't talk about this anymore because if you're saying that then other people are saying that and it means that so many people aren't safe. And that thought alone is making me feel physically sick.

I am done talking to you. 

I do get it. But you're not listening to me when I tell you I know enough about the books to despise them.

I didn’t say I’d be okay with that, but some people are into that. Some people actually consider that roleplay.

Yes, some people can roleplay it, in a safe, sane and consensual environment. (Which is the BDSM mantra, all of which are broken in the books). But I'm not talking about roleplay, because that's not what it is in the books.

To each their own, I guess.

So you'd like it if a man tied you down and had his way with you anyway after you said no to his advances? It literally makes me feel sick.

I can talk however I want. You better listen carefully or you better not talk at all, because you obviously do not pay attention to what I’m saying - so you really wonder that I am getting mad? Because I am getting mad. I am on your side with this stupid shit and yet you act like I am not, like I have no idea what I’m talking about, while I am the one who actually read that crap. And you don’t have to pay for that, you can borrow it in every fucking library. And yay for you knowing exactly what is happening - still you haven’t read it yourself. And I hate people who believe they can tell how a book really is when they simply heard other people’s opinion and read a summary of it! That’s crap.

You're telling me I'm the one that isn't listening? I have literally read more than the word count of the entire three books in different articles and reviews both for and against it. I know all the little bits that people think are cute and romantic, and I know the stalking, the manipulation, the sex contract where she has to exercise four days a week (but negotiates it down to three), the birth control he puts her on so he doesn't have to use condoms, how he buys out the entire industry she works for so he can keep an eye on her. I know about how he flies interstate when she dares go out and have some fun with the one friend mousy Ana has. How he takes her home when she's drunk without her permission when he barely knows her. How "his wife fucking safe worded him". How she's terrified to tell him about a pregnancy because he's unpredictable in his affections towards her, and when she does tell him he blames her for it completely. I know all about it. Don't tell me I don't, because you don't know me. 

You must really despise men, huh?

I despise a franchise that promotes abuse. 

You listen that well to me. GOD! I’m not defending them, I am hating this fucking first book, just like I said - but I hate when people talk about shit they have no clue about. So either read it yourself and make up your mind about it yourself and not because of fucking reviews or shut the fuck up.

Listen here, Princess. Don't talk to me like that again, or I'll make sure you can't talk properly for a while. I know exactly what happens in the books, but I refuse to pay money to a franchise that promotes domestic abuse like they do.

I mean not if they were there by themselves, unless they plan on having a heated moment with their hand in the backseat of their car. You do know that not all men are like that, don’t you?

Probably getting off on watching either a) Jamie Dornan shirtless or b) watching a man emotionally manipulate a woman and taking notes.

Well then you are totally qualified to say things about the book. Reviews don’t replace the actual reading - and of course you can have an opinion on that topic after that, but it’s just not one I would take 100 % seriously, because you haven’t read it yourself.

And you're defending them, why? Two women have literally died because of these books.

Believe it or not, there were more men there than women.

Because they think they're getting sex after. After what I know about the books I never want a man to touch me again.

Well I stopped after the first. i was done with that shit so yeah. But I know what happens further on. Ladies at work couldn’t keep quiet about that bullcrap. Well I don’t like it and I am definitely not a prude.

I didn't read them but I've read an equal word count of articles and reviews, both for and against them. And I listened to the women who came into my coffee shop rant and rave about how sexy Mr. Grey is. I had to stop myself gagging.

Not many people are. But the amount of cunninlingus in that movie made me a fan.

You can watch that for free online without being in a crowded room of other women, too. 

No need to write me a summary, as I said I read that book. And I am still not sure how people would want anything of that sort. Sure BDSM can be amazing, it can be, but if you are doing it right and if you don’t make your partner completely dependent on you. It’s about trust not literal power. And that is what Grey is doing - he has power over her and he uses it, while she is the stupid little girl who is so smitten that she is forgetting what she is worth. That she is worth so much more than that - even though she is written incredibly shallow. But the most terrifying thing is that so many people read it, that Hype made so many more people read it and most people just can’t see what is wrong about it all. And there is actually nothing right so…

I said books. As in all of them. This isn't a pissing contest. These books aren't BDSM, it's a big man taking advantage of a young girl and the author calling it BDSM so that if you say you don't like it, people assume it's for the sex and you're called a prude. 

Well I am kind of concerned about it as well. As I read the first book I was shocked by how the author described this relationship. She did it completely wrong. And I am mostly concerned because some ladies may go watch that movie and believe this is how a relationship should be. Not that I would know much about it, but still. You can throw female emancipation right out of the window if you are having a relationship like this, to be honest.

The plot of the books is that Christian Grey gets a free pass at life because poor baby had a bad child hood and he's pretty and has money, and Ana's only sense of self worth comes from him, so no matter how bad he treats her she always comes back because that's what he's psychologically conditioned her to do. She almost fucking dies because she breaks up with him at one point. It's pathetic and I'm angry and appalled that anyone would spend money to watch it. And even more angry because so many people see this as not only healthy, but as something they want. Well, they think they want.