Tainted

Trying to stay awake in a boring class

Dear 17 old, you have spent 17 years on this planet and I know sometimes it doesn’t feel like that. Sometimes it feels like you’ve been here forever and other times you feel so young. I know you’re 17 years old and you’re panicking. Maybe not now. But you will. You’re 17 years old, you are not supposed to have your whole life planned out. Because the unexpected always happens. You’ll always end up being fine after a storm. I know you’re 17 and you’re thinking that life is not supposed to be this hard for a 17 year old. And you are right. You are too young to be this tired of life. You are too young to worry about every little thing in your life. You are 17. You should take a chance. You should appreciate. You should experience. Laugh. Learn. But I know you will. I know you.

1. Don’t date a boy who cancels plans last minute. Especially if he’s canceling for someone else. You are not a second choice. You are not a third choice. You are a first choice or you are nothing to him. Do you understand me, baby? You are worth so much more than that, don’t let him push you around. 2. If he’s rude to you, drop him. I don’t care how many times he says “just kidding” or “baby, I didn’t mean it” you keep your head up, your shoulders straight, your chin high and you demand to be treated as the goddess you are. 3. If he doesn’t hold your hand in front of his friends or wrap his arms around you when you’re with his family then he isn’t worth it. Date someone who can’t keep their hands off of you. Date someone who aches with the need to feel your skin on theirs. 4. Make sure he has goals, aspirations, dreams. Make sure he has a plan of some sort. If he doesn’t have any of those what are you guys supposed to talk about? What are your 2 AM conversations going to look like? 5. Find out his hobbies and interests and make sure they’re similar to yours. If you want to travel, date someone who will drop what they’re doing just to take you on a random adventure. You don’t want to be stuck with someone who’s idea of a good night is sitting on his futon with cheesy Dorito fingers while you watch him play video games. 6. If your brother doesn’t like him or if he rubs your sister the wrong way, trust their instinct. There’s probably a reason. I can guarantee you, darling, if you bring him home and we can see in his eyes that you light up his entire world than we will love him just as much as you do.  7. Baby, if he ever lays a finger on you, you fucking leave him. Don’t think twice, don’t look back and don’t you dare accept his apology two days later.  8. If you can’t trust him you shouldn’t be dating him. If you have to go through his phone to sleep better at night he’s not the one for you. 9. You’re going to fight, you’re going to argue, that is all part of a relationship. But baby, if he is contradicting everything you say solely for the sake of an argument, just walk away. 10. I’ve seen anger and rage in your grandfather’s eyes. I saw it everyday for 17 years, baby. If losing a football game makes him so mad as to not want to speak to you, than you are giving yourself to the wrong boy. He’s going to grow, and he’s going to get meaner, and he’s going to hurt you. Leave now.   11. If his laugh doesn’t claw it’s way into your memory and his smile doesn’t make you feel like the entire universe is right in front of you than you are wasting your time.

Feeling emotions is better than being numb.

I wish you knew how bad it fucked me up.

im glad u exist