ohbells

So after 5 months of being clean I relapsed tonight, thought I didn't need to do it anymore, I thought wrong. I'm in a v dance heavy show rn (a musical) and I've been partnered with a guy I've liked for nearly 2 years (sad ik) and I really thought this was gonna be it, he's finally gonna like me back!! There was this one dance move and it's normal in dance but weird anywhere else, a hip thrust with arms going to your hips so like you make fists and bring them to your hips idk how to explain it and he made a sound effect (you could imagine) and we were just killing ourselves laughing the whole time like genuinely crying with laughter and then I said "right you have to stop this is giving me the ultimate ick' and he said AND I QUOTE "just tryna flirt with my girlfriend" AHHAHAHA WHAT??? (Btw never said that our characters were dating, just dance partners, like couples were NEVERRR mentioned) And so I obviously was literally having heart palpitations said very calmly back "what did you say?" And he was like "oh nothing haha" and I said "no actually what did you say??" And then "5,6,7,8" then we had to do the section we just did and so after we'd done it again I said "no really what did you say I didn't quite catch that" and he was like "really it was nothing" and I couldn't tell if he was regretting what he said like oh shit she thinks I like her or oh shit she thinks I like her yk??? Anyway, I was looking through his reposts and they were ALL about a girl and so I started to get my hopes up then realised, no boy has ever reposted about me, ever, and I honestly have no faith that they ever will. So I brought myself back down to earth and I'm gonna ask a moot friend tomorrow because he's best mates with him and he'll probably know so yeah. That was pretty soul crushing also all the vids have a blond girl. I'm brunette. 😀. Hope you enjoyed my not so quick rant, will give an update on moots response tomorrow if you guys want it! It's 2:30 in the morning so goodnight babes.