𝙢𝙖𝙙𝙚 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚 𝙏𝙊𝙒𝙀𝙍𝙎,

danielle: no, it's all good. i'm walking home so texting you feels like i'm not alone right now

danielle: yeah, it's not really the best place to catch up with anyone unless you wanted to know how many tattoos or scars someone has now

danielle: but yeah, i'd like that a lot

raya: yeah i couldn’t sleep though so it’s alright

raya: plus i’m glad to make you company

raya: you’re right. i’m still sorry for intruding

danielle: it was good to see you tonight though

raya: hey!

raya: yeah i’m up. told you i’d wait :)

raya: thanks for texting i know you’re probably tired

raya: it was good seeing you too

Maggie laughed, she couldn’t help it. Raya’s enthusiasm made it easy. Her friend hadn’t even noticed the way Maggie still sometimes struggled to form coherent sentences around her, which figured. Why notice something that hadn’t actually changed? She just needed to get herself to focus. It was just Raya. It was just Raya. 

“Hitting something’s probably not a first class sort of adventure.” Maggie admitted. “First I have to teach everyone the right stances, and how to fall safely. I was able to borrow mats from work which was pretty nice of them. I want it to a pretty accessible course, so anyone could take it. So, stances first? I know it’s boring but it’s like, the foundation. If you can make your body a pillar instinctively it’s going to be harder for someone to take you down.”

as maggie talks, raya’s smile morphs into unabashed excitement to something more contained. she listens with eyes focused, nodding at her friend all the way. she wants to make sure that maggie feels as if her efforts are being appreciated properly. if not for her kindness and dedication, raya wouldn’t dream of crossing self defense classes off her bucketlist. at least, not so soon as she struggles to pay for her living expenses on top of the bills that accumulate on her doorstep. 

“ no, it’s definitely not boring, ” raya replies, reaching for maggie’s arm as she speaks. “ i get it, also. everyone learning how to play wants to start with difficult pieces and no one seems to want to learn how to read music. you need that foundation if you want to be good at what you do. ” raya smiles again and shakes her head. “ did that make sense? i just – please don’t downplay what you’re teaching. i’m very excited. ” she then steps back and makes a show of squaring her shoulders. “ okay, what do i do? ”

“Well, if I ever become that mother and project some ridiculous desire onto my child, please push me into a pool!” Fawn remembered kids at her school who had crazy schedules and how they looked at her oddly when she told them how she kept busy or her extracurriculars with her father. Growing up with Victor was like another universe entirely, because her innocence had remained intact then. Now…it was debatable. “You’re a horrible teacher Raya, you really should consider a career change,” she stated over dramatically with a flip of her hair. If it were Fawn, she would have told the mother to happily leave, of course, in a kind matter if she was not pleased with the services provided. As far as the Goldwin goes, she knows incredibly well how talented Raya is and that she could teach just about anyone if they were willing to lean into the experience. “So…I won us an all exclusive paid expense spa day at the Royal Flush next weekend. Are you in?” She was honestly shocked that she had won something from teh fundraiser and was incredibly excited about it. 

“ oh please, ” raya says with a smile plastered across her face. “ you would never do such a thing. ever. ” she stresses the last word with conviction. she knows of fawn’s character and if there’s someone raya trusts to keep their heart good and generous it’s fawn. “ you’re gonna be the dream parent. the kind of parent that brings snacks to the tutor, too. ” she explains. the musician laughs as fawn pokes fun at the parents. while it’s a bit hurtful when it happens, it does come across as ridiculous once she has time to steam off the frustration from having her work underappreciated. raya knows she shouldn’t talk ill of those who pay her well and yet there’s a delicious satisfaction to it. she reaches for her drink but quickly puts it down as fawn shares the news. her mouth falls open and eyes grow wide. “ oh goodness fawn, that’s amazing! ” she says, all excitement and smiles. “ yes, of course i’m in if you want me! ”  raya replied. “ wow, thank you! thank you, thank you! we’ll live a day in luxury. ” she shakes her head. “ did you win it at the fundraiser? where did this come from? ”

“ sure do, ” she agrees easily, glancing between the woman and the stage. “ i’m told pole dancing classes are good though, like for exercising too, not just as a career path. ” there is a playful grin on her lips, then she adds, “ i can totally see why. ” 

abigail wonders if she has been a little too blunt about it because all of a sudden the woman is hesitating. “ sort of new to … bisexuality? ” she tries not to grin at the thought of some sort of rite of passage, or hazing, or something to accept new bisexual pledges into their bisexual house. “ well, that’s just word. what really matters is being true to yourself, right? some people just take a little longer to figure themselves out, that’s all. nothing wrong with that. ”

in an unusual display of formality, she offers the stranger her hand. “ i’m abby. ” her smile falters as she considers her next line, but in the end she goes for it, consequences be damned. “ this will come across as a line, but — i really feel like i’ve seen you around before. ”

another sip to her drink and the warmth of the alcohol brings a tint to her cheeks. at least though, it’s what she tells herself. her company is nice though and she has raya in smiles as she replies. “ i should try that, ” she says and surprises herself when she realizes she would. “ maybe i’ll finally build some muscle. ”

raya does laugh when the woman asks if she’s new to bisexuality. granted, it could be interpreted this way. raya admits not being completely clear and, in her defense, she’s been too worried over not looking completely uncomfortable to mind her own words. “ not to bisexuality, ” she says with a chuckle. “ but hey, that’s nice, thank you. i meant i’m sort of new to the club. not my scene, usually. ” 

she offers a hand back to abby as she introduces herself, grinning wider as the woman speaks. “ i’m raya, nice to meet you, ” she says then chuckles. “ you’re right, it comes across as a line, but i don’t mind. ” raya pulls her hand back and takes a final sip on her drink. “ i’ve been here a few times before to see – ” she hesitates. “ a friend. ” raya pauses. “ since you can already recognize me, i guess i’m not a newbie anymore, huh? ”

there was a part of her that would have jumped at the chance to be near raya again, a younger piece of her heart and body that longed for the days when things were a lot simpler between them. but these weren’t those days and they weren’t the same kids that they used to be when it was a lot easier to live with the mistakes they’d done. they didn’t weigh as heavy as they did now, settling in too much that she couldn’t so much as breathe without noticing the heaviness or the distance that had found a way to building another layer to her walls.

a layer that didn’t exist around raya, neither did most of her wall that did it’s best to keep everyone out from seeing too far into danielle’s inner most thoughts and doubts. the ones that steadily pressed on the awkwardness to turn it into almost a frustration at how hard it was to say what needed to be said. or how uneasy it made her stomach to see the other one in this place, uncomfortable with what each girl had to go through nightly to pay the bills. and danielle wasn’t any better than the rest of them, she did what needed to be done.

but the tendril of doubt had already lay the groundwork long ago, trying to protect a piece of her from getting hurt again even if the cool distance was only starting to claw at that piece to remind her that it wasn’t completely gone or healed. it couldn’t be a good idea. it couldn’t do anything more but take them down a path they’d walked before – somewhere between friends and something else, giving danielle the first taste at believing that she could feel more than numb or mad at the world for what it had taken from her. and then it was gone again, just like everything else that she wanted at one point or another.

                                           ( old friends )

danielle nodded. “i guess we won’t know unless we try, right?” that was a fighting spirit kind of move, rather than giving up the ghost when her fingers were tucked into the folds of the robe to hide the nervousness from picking at her nails. it could go terribly wrong, again but it was hard to ignore the desire to reconcile some of what had been there once even if it meant simply to be friends again, wasn’t that worth a chance? “coffee sounds good too, maybe not here and now but.. yeah, two old friends grabbing a coffee.” she paused. “actually, i should get back out there but,” she stopped speaking to dig her phone out of her bag and handed it over for the other to put their number in it. “i’ll text you when i get off work?”

raya wonders just when she learned to keep things beneath the surface. she prides herself in being true to her heart and yet she speaks merely of having danielle in her mind. it’s not a lie, not quite. the blonde seems to never tire of walking in the paths of her mind. sometimes she’s quiet, not enough to move raya to do anything about it – and then sometimes she’s loud and the longing tugs the hole in her heart wider until the musician decides that they need to sort things out.  telling danielle she’s been on her mind is too simple and purposefully so. it seems to evoke a faint memory rather than a constant and the woman who always keeps her heart on her sleeve cowers before the possibility of danielle breaking it again. 

there’s an itch to scratch, deep within her soul when raya looks at the woman and awaits for an answer. hands wish to reach for her, tongue to ask – where did we go so wrong? nevertheless raya remains still with the exception of a nervous bite to her cheek and hands aimlessly going through her hair. hopeful eyes await as they did so many times while raya restrains herself from bursting into reckless emotion. 

she nods, relieved to not receive the rejection raya was so certain about. her shoulders drop the tension, if just a bit. she smiles, tentatively again. “ right, ” the musician agrees. she chuckles softly at danielle before replying. “ i agree – a coffee shop seems like a better option. ” her stomach drops when danielle tells her she should go back out but tries to wipe the disappointment from her expression. “ sure, of course, ” she says, eyes downcast as she reaches for the cellphone. raya quickly punches the numbers before getting up to give it back. she doesn’t think as she acts  – as her hand wraps gently around danielle’s wrist and she leans in to kiss her on the face. “ i’ll wait for you. ” she whispers, before quickly making her exit towards the club. 

raya wonders when she learned to keep things beneath the surface because she is still so bad at it. 

🌺 - what’s your type?

“ i don’t know if i have a type. i like nice people with nice smiles. ”

🍧 - what’s your favorite treat?

“ any and all baked goods. the more carbs, the better. ”

💝 - what’s the best gift you’ve received?

“ my first violin. i helped grandma restore it and by the time it was done, she gifted it to me. i have it to this day. ”

💄 - what are the best kind of kisses?

“ passionate ones? you know – the type of kiss that makes you curl your toes and gives you goosebumps. “

💗 - do you blush easily?

“ easier than i should, for sure. ”

💕 - what fictional duo do you and your partner/best friend act like?

💕 - what fictional duo do you and your partner/best friend act like?

“ a tough one. fawn and i can be elizabeth and jane bennett. fawn would be jane, of course, because although younger, she’s prettier and nicer. mari and i can be ann perkins and leslie knope. ”     –  @fawngoldwin / @marigoldilocks

💖 - how do you show affection?

“ i’d say i can be pretty touchy. besides that and offering all the compliments i can think of, i’m also pretty protective of the ones i love and it shows. ”

👅 - are there any words you can’t pronounce?

“ entrepreneur. i don’t think i can even spell it correctly. “

💌 - what’s your biggest regret?

“ i’d have to say – focusing too much on my own little world and missing the opportunity to spend more time with my grandparents before they passed. if i had known they’d be gone so soon i would’ve made a lot of things differently. ”

Why had Maggie done this to herself? Raya had been the cutest girl she’d ever seen back in high school, and age had only made her cuter. Raya was also Alex’s best friend and someone he genuinely liked and Maggie shouldn’t step on his toes like this. Why couldn’t she have developed a childhood crush on someone convenient? Why couldn’t Raya have grown out of the cuteness? Why had Maggie invited her here in the first place?

She needed more friends, more actual friends besides Alex, to tell her when she had dumb ideas. Dumb ideas like inviting old crushes over to try and nail out self-defense routines. You had to like, actually touch people some times to get forms right for self-defense. Ugh. She was so dumb. Dumb, dumb, dumb.

Smiling back at Raya was way too easy. “Hey Raya. Yeah, no problem. I’ve needed someone to help me out and Dani’s always busy. Are you sure you’re up for it today? We could do something more lowkey if you need. Or want.”

raya makes a successful attempt at not flinching when dani is mentioned. she lets the name slip past her own mind and instead focuses herself on smiling back to maggie. she shows restless, excitement and adrenaline already making their way through her veins. she has little idea of how to proceed at all and yet, raya trusts to be in good hands when it comes to maggie. the woman has to be one of the kindest people she ever met. she figures that this might run in the yao blood or maybe it’s something in their dna that naturally draws raya in. regardless, there are few people raya would trust this much to be vulnerable around. 

“ no, hit me with it! ” she says then pulls back, thinks about it for a second.  the brunette steps closer and she clutches the strap around her shoulder with one of her free hands.  “ i mean– show me how to fight back and then hit me with it. ” 

“I don’t know how you manage,” Alex confessed at the idea of not having a car in Grimmbrook. Sure, as a kid when life wasn’t overflowing with things to do, walking everywhere wasn’t the worst thing to happen. He got to spend more time with Raya by his side that way. But once he had a car on his sixteenth birthday Alex had realized the boundaries of Grimmbrook weren’t as close as he thought they were and that those minutes rushing to buses, or jogging to keep up, could be spent on detours to morning breakfast and later goodbyes to the girl from another school.

“I didn’t have a car in the city,” he confessed as he thought back to just a few years ago. “It became more trouble than it was worth. Finding parking, traffic jams… it was easier to walk or catch the subway, or even get an Uber instead. You wouldn’t believe the amount they charge to own a parking space in the city.” It wasn’t that Alex couldn’t afford it, he could, but that money could be put to better uses and it was unlike him to waste his money on unnecessary purchases unless he really wanted it. “But I like driving in Grimmbrook; more open roads to just forget time for a while and drive.”

Alex exhaled a laugh as he was called out by his old friend. Young Alex certainly didn’t want to waste any minute scoffing down cereal that he could spend with Raya, but he’d never been brave enough to tell her that was why he’d skipped the meal so often. It changed when they were older and he could buy them breakfast on the way to school, but for so long he’d gone hungry until morning break just to spend a little more time with her. Even though it was history between them Alex wasn’t quite prepared to share that story today either.

“Isn’t it comforting to know I’ll never change?” he joked, glancing at her then back to the road. “Wouldn’t dare.” It felt like they were reliving times once past, especially as he pulled onto a familiar path towards their old spot. “So, tell me, what’s been happening in the world of Raya Cohen this week?”

" it's easier than you think, " she tells him. raya must admit, it's short of the comfort that a car offers – especially this one they're sitting in. when raya first sold her car after her mother passed, she missed it. right now, however, she misses more her mother sat beside her than anything else. besides, she definitely doesn't miss the portion of the bills she could eradicate with the money earned in the sale. raya likes this much more than driving on her own, too, she thinks. eyes curiously scan over the panel much like she did when alex was sixteen and proud of his fresh driver's license.

her attention is pulled from the set of buttons and screen towards alexander again. " really? " she is surprised to hear and yet, it makes sense. as he explains, her head bobs in a nod. raya cringes on her seat to the mere thought of the price he mentions. definitely far more than sensible. " i would believe if you told me but it would probably warrant me a heart attack." she says with an overexaggerated shake of her body to show him goosebumps. " mhmmm, suck it new york! " she replies to his last comment with a smile. " grimmbrook ain't so bad, huh? you got open roads and me. "

it comes easily. the smiles and the banter. she who so oftens feels adrift finds comfort in alexander's ever changing but ever familiar presence. so when he asks, it ressonates with raya, despite the roll of the eye that she offers alex. " not if it means you keep making unhealthy choices. should i start packing granola bars again? " she raises his eyebrows at him.

her eyes go soft as she recognizes the path alexander drives towards. a smile dances on her lips, interrupted by a bite when alexander asks about her week. " you know, " i got a last notice on some bills and i have no idea how i'll pay. parents are criticizing my tutoring job. " nothing much. i've been thinking of selling the house, though. i was hoping you'd give me some tips on that. "