For Your Entertainment

coffee shop au’s, regency au’s, fine, good, whatever. you know what your fandom really needs? a clue au. lock your six faves in a giant house and hold them to account for their canon crimes.

while we’re at it, there was a brief but shining wave of Casablanca pastiches in the early 2000s and I would like more of them, please.

:eyes:

Write a piece about a bakery where terrible things constantly happen

that. that means he would have been six years old when he supposedly had his kids. and no one is forks noticed anything off about that scenario

listening to Edward for a century ages you like a motherfucker

okay but hear me out, demonic possession would be a really good diagnostic tool. Especially for illnesses like fibromyalgia that are hard to test for and have “subjective” symptoms (like, you can’t externally measure pain and fatigue, and someone who’s had it all their life won’t always know it’s not normal.) You just draw a nice pentagon, set up all the protective candles, and summon a demon into the patient’s body and ask them the sacred Questions Three, which are “okay Demon Todd how bad is it in there,” “where are the main places that hurt more than the last thirty humans you possessed” and “got any wisdom to share?” and then you give Todd a beer and politely excise him from this material plane and start drafting your new treatment plan. 

tell me more of your sorcery hospital. 

it’s actually a diagnostic clinic only because last time they tried an innovative treatment it blew a hole in the ceiling and all the streetlights on Market Street glowed green for two weeks and when that kind of thing happens people with clipboards and crucifixes start to show up and poke around in your cupboards and ask what all the pentagrams are for

I want a story about a king whose son is prophesied to kill him so the king is like “whatever what am I supposed to do, kill my own kid wtf is wrong with you” so he just raises him as normal, doesn’t even tell him about the prophecy, and instead of some convoluted twist of events that leads to the king’s murder the son grows up and when the king is very old and dying and in excruciating pain the kid is just like alright I'mma put him out of his misery.

Every once in a while, when I’m feeling down, I go and look at the notes on this post and they make me feel a lot better. This is the energy I want to carry into 2018.

I hate it when fantasy writers have no sense of scale and they’ll just casually drop “ten thousand years” like that doesn’t encompass all of recorded human history

Unless you’re a culture of immortals, ain’t no traditions remaining unchanged for ten thousand years. No national borders staying the same for ten thousand years. No laws in place for ten thousand years. Y’all remember Hammurabi? Didn’t think so. Any building that stays in place for ten thousand years is going to be rubble. Any story or myth or prophecy that’s ten thousand years old with only oral transmission is highly suspect, and it’s unlikely the belief system associated with it even survived. Books can’t even survive that long.

#I can’t believe this is a real scene#it reads like one of those Incorrect Quotes things as a joke#except it’s real

This is the best comic I’ve seen in months, I won’t allow any protests