lost in translation

“no one’s wish comes true because this place is filled with so much terrible energy.” chrysanthemum isn’t afraid to start conversations with anyone, just glad to have someone around to hear her shit most of the time. the moment the person had approached the mall’s fountain, she was patting the empty space next her her, no doubt wetting the spot she wanted her new companion to sit as she fished for coins in the fountain, head shaking sadly “security collects them. spends people’s wishes on pop. can you believe this?” water splashes back into her face as she drops a handful of coins back to their temporary home, letting out a sigh “have you ever made a wish here? did it come true?”

as soon as 9 pm hit, gigi felt the sweet relief of temporary freedom. her shift was over and she could finally go off and do whatever she pleased. walking out from the store, her energy changed as she heard the saccharine sounds of mmmbop change to no diggity. as she skipped off to whoever was unlucky enough to be in her presence, her irritating southern twang was at it again. “ my gosh, i love this time of year !! you know, this month’s cosmopolitan magazine says that it’s the perfect time for rejuvenation. you can change up your house, change up your partner, and change up your life. isn’t that so refreshing ?? i’m thinking of changing up my style. let me tell you, i bought this one pair of sweatpants the other day and it had ‘cutie’ on the butt. i was obsessed !! it’s a whole new look for me !! i just hope it doesn’t send the wrong message for work tomorrow. “

“i’d like to see you try,” kit shot back, even though he knew wren could take him. still, he was never one to give up in the middle of the fight. especially when giving up would mean acknowledging that this was even happening. as newt speaks, he looks down at the floor, fingers still curled tightly into fists. he feels that familiar sinking dread in his stomach; he acted before he thought, constantly, and whenever newt was often the one to make him acknowledge his behavior. but… but nothing felt fine, something had changed, and kit didn’t know whether to like it or not. he was just a whirling ball of shame and guilt and regret and disgust directed towards himself. but then newt gently circles his wrist, pressing his thumb over his pulse, and for one startling, wonderful, overwhelming moment, everything is just reed newton, his fingers and his eyes. it was moments like these, when his heart was beating and he felt his breath catch in his throat, that he considered throwing caution to the wind. subconsciously, kit dug his front teeth into his lower lip, and he nodded, placating his friend. “right, we’re… we’re fine.” he gave his friend a weak smile, quickly fading once newt let him go. ah, and it was the chill that filled him at the loss of reed newton that made him want to bury everything he felt deep, deep, deep in his chest, where no one could ever find it. he shoved his hands back into his pockets, to avoid rubbing his fingers over his wrists, ghosting the place where newt once was. “right,” he mutters, sounding a lot more like himself. “and my knuckles don’t need ice, they’re fucking fine.” 

@ofsilcnce​

wren knew he was an outsider. he knew he never was supposed to belong. but the sight before him just rubbed it in his face. wren never hated being around kit and newt. at one point he probably would have been able to call them friends if someone had asked him, but as it became more apparent, wren wasn’t all that important to either of them. in the end he would always be the one left behind. he knew this was one of the reasons it was better just not to care for anyone, to let himself get attached to anyone. these two were a great example. they picked each other first. they would let wren rot. maybe he deserved it, but it didn’t stop the rage from boiling inside of him. his eyes tore away from their moment, rolling as he bent down to pick up his discarded jacket and tattered flannel. he clenched his jaw, biting back any harsh words he wanted to throw back at kit, deciding to spare newt the guilt of trying to break up a fight with his slim arms. “have fun on your date, i don’t need any god damn ice,” he spat, harsh voice, as he pushed past the two of them to the door, “had a blast, back to avoiding me newt? and kit don’t worry, sure you’ll find my replacement for your band real fast,” pushing back against the door, wren spun on his heels turning away from people he figured now hated his guts, just like everyone else.

erin could hardly understand herself, so lost in who she was, who she wanted to be, and the version of herself that she presented she didn’t even now what was real anymore. yearning all her life for a connection, someone to let in and let her in just the same. anytime she had tried it only hurt her, but she still wanted it all the same. despite that she still struggled to do so, protecting herself with anyone she came across, worried they’d see who she was and she’d lose all the power she once had, be pitied. she yearned for someone safe to make it easy but only went to danger, running into warm arms and cold hearts, violent delights and violent ends. she had her idea of an ideal man, and wren fit none of that rather he was the opposite, but he’d work for now. she dreamed of a knight in shining armor, a man of morality and kindness swooping her off her feet. nothing about wren had ever been that to her, but when he was around he lit a fire inside of her that refused to die, so overwhelming she swore she could choke on it. it was pure disaster, and she loved every minute of it. “yeah, i do. you make it cute.” she had no shame in admitting it, often finding herself in their more intimate moments tangling her fingers through his hair. hearing his confidence in his statement brought out a laugh in erin, he was so sure of himself and yet so far off. she moved her face closer to his, space almost impossible to see, whispering into him. “you have no idea who i am.” and with that he kissed her, crushing his lips against her, and one thing they could always say was that they never had a lack of passion between them. his kiss was a retardant to that fire he put in her, the only reprieve she had on her choking lungs, breathing air right into her with his touch. he pulled away but didn’t really leave her, staying close enough where her lips continued to graze his, her own smile forming. “i’ve been told that a few times.”

kit spent his break where he did every other break: in the food court, with his legs spread over two seats and his boots hanging into the aisle. “so, have you heard what they’re saying about hot topic?” he asks the person nearest by. “that there’s bloodletting in the back room, that all the managers are vampires, that we’re required to get facial piercings.” kit presses his tongue against one of his snake bites. “i mean, i can’t believe they’re onto us.” 

she had to pay wren in particular a visit the day after the party, and she did so with a small order of fries to bribe him. “good afternoon, wren,” she said as soon as she saw him in the radioshack, “i come bearing gifts.” once he was settled, she asked, “so, i heard some pretty disturbing rumors about someone using the ball pit like keith richards uses a waterbed.” kath raised an eyebrow at him, “care to comment?” 

@ofsilcnce

for the past three minutes, elsie had been staring longingly into the nordstrom, sighing intermittently. as if, perhaps, if she stared at it long enough, some magical force would grant her the christian dior dress she so craved. that was the worst part about not having money, in her opinion; being denied that transformative feeling of buying a brand new dress or pair of shoes, feeling like a brand new woman. of course, though, it wasn’t long before elsie was caught, and she jumped a little, “oh, uh, sorry, i was just-.” she indicated the dress, as if that would explain anything. 

even though elsie’s boss kept reminding her she had to stay professional, which she’d explained many times meant no running out of the store at the sight of her friends, it was hard to help herself when it came to drew. as she saw the girl passing by the bath and body works, elsie perked up and sped towards her. “drew!” she shouted, before stopped herself where the store floor met the mall floor, arms windmilling almost cartoonishly. once she was sure she wouldn’t fall, however, elsie smiled right at her friend and waved, “hi, drew!” 

@ofsilcnce

some things are better left unsaid, unspoken, translated through rushed kisses and rough touches. sometimes all she wanted was to talk, learn something meaningful about him, have him open up. other times she wished he’d shut up and kiss her hard before he had the chance to say something that would break her heart. it was so easily broken, she can’t even remember if there was ever a time where it wasn’t. hearing his teasing she gently hit his arm, her smile and laugh showing no disdain, not to him at least. “oh i could already tell that once i saw this mullet you’re growing, told me all i needed to know about you.” she teased, pushing her hand through his hair, gentle and slow as she tore her hand away from him and back to herself. “well compared to you everyone’s good. i think you just like the idea of me being a good girl, and you being the big bad guy to corrupt me.” she teased with a pout, her arms immediately wrapping around his neck as he pulled her in closer, and she found herself melting into him all over again. “always.”

the two of them were always a concealed chaos, doing the dumbest almost craziest shit they could think of one night then spending the next on his couch for hours. they often knew their limits, sometimes, and the times they didn’t were ignored by the both of them. they were high, they shouldn’t be held accountable for any mistakes they made, it was the drugs. “yeah helen and i are best friends, i sneak in here some nights and just hang out with him.” he lied, going along with their ridiculous story, or at least it was that to him. “when have i not been careful? i’m a pro at this and you know that. it hurts that you doubt me after all the times i’ve done this for you.” he shook his head, tsking at her in disapproval for her doubt.

with two years between them they never really hung around with the same crowd, nate being a junior when wren was a freshmen, and getting kicked out of school halfway through his senior year he didn’t get to witness much of wren in high school. he was pretty perceptive though, and from what he remembers the two had always been drastically different in their similarities. both fuck ups, whispers about them as they walked by, rumors spreading. they dealt with it in such different ways, nate embraced it, tried to make the most of it. making a joke out of himself, using himself as entertainment for everyone else as it stung him each time. wren was more edgy, angsty, broody. nate could’ve easily been just that, almost as easily as wren could’ve been him. “will do man.” and he probably would some other day. “you’re the one calling me pretty boy, giving me all these compliments. do you have a crush on me or something? how much you got on you right now?”

open starter.

– HER SHIFT IS IN TEN MINUTES, so…that’s probably adequate time to smoke a joint and chill outside near the dumpster and still arrive right on schedule – which happens to be fifteen minutes late. she pulls the joint out of a tin in her leather purse, fumbling around in the bag for a lighter – nothing. she can see it in her mind now: sitting right on her nightstand next to the ashtray, covered in stickers. fuck. so, she waves down the first person that passes by. 

“ hey-o, ” she greets cheerfully, “ got a light ? ” she waves the joint in the air, rocking it back and forth precariously on her fingertips with confidence. “ i’ll share. ”

as soon as wren mentioned newt joining, all kit could do was freeze in pure terror. just the thought of that- ugh, he didn’t want wren between him and newt, that was just-. he shook his head. when wren wrapped an arm around his shoulders, kit shoved it off, glaring at him all the while. “don’t fucking touch me, fuckhead. you’re being so goddamned gross right now.” his cheeks were reaching new levels of heat he didn’t even really know was possible, and he hoped, for a fleeting second, that he would soon wake up and this would all be a dream. but no; kit was never that lucky. fuck, now his best friend in the world knew he was the type of person to hook up with guys in a public restroom, to hook up with the kinds of guys that tried to talk people into threesomes. it felt like his best friend was… dismissing him, and kit hated it, hated every moment of this. hated the fact that newt knew he was fucking hard. so, he turned around to face wren, glaring down at him for a moment. “wren,” was all he said before he socked him in the jaw. he shook his fist out, making his way out of the washroom again. “consider that a preview of me kicking your ass, fucking creepazoid.” 

@ofsilcnce​

even wren could tell when he had taken something too far. so he dropped the whole stick, letting himself get shoved off of kit, pretending to stumble even further away to give the two of them space. his hands going up in surrender, “dudes, come on i was kidding-” of course, wren wasn’t the funny guy. jokes weren’t his thing. it was easy for him to see why the two of them wouldn’t see it. it possibly didn’t help how poorly wren was at expressing care for people, and unfortunately, these were people he cared about. so as he was trying to explain himself, a fist came flying at his face. wren had taken a punch or two in his life. he had taken many in fact. as soon as the punch landed, wren took it, staying in place. not even reacting as if something had happened. “alright dick face, i’ll let you have that one. but you do that again i’ll fucking kick your god damn teeth in, so don’t fucking test me.” his voice was dark, his glare was intense. “look, this shit is fucking awkward, and neither of you are fucking helping. like dudes come on, not like we don’t all fucking know each other, not like we hang out with anyone else in this shitty fucking mall,” his hand ran through his shaggy curls, “you two are the buddies here so don’t fucking focus whatever the fuck y’all have on me,” he looked between them, his eyes lingering on newt. he didn’t know if newt ever told anyone they fucked around together. and he wasn’t trying to throw that mess in here too, so he hoped newt could see that through his look. that he did remember what they had gone through.

“wow, great, thank you for your never-ending fuckin’ nihilism, wren,” she retorted, her tone her usual dryness. the edgy boy routine– it was something jude had come to know, and maybe even appreciate a little. but it’s been awhile since either of them have spoken, or seen each other, and she had to force herself to get used to it once again. she placed the joint between her lips, looking at him with a raised eyebrow. she was decidedly ignoring all the reasons why she began avoiding him in the first place. if she didn’t acknowledge shit, it didn’t exist. “no fuckin’ shit, i should hope so,” she said, leaning forward and cupping her hand around the flame. once the joint was lit, she took a deep inhale, letting the smoke then curl out from her lips as she waited for the thc to kick into affect. she held the joint out to him, expectantly. “might need to buy more soon, though. ‘m running low.”