I killed someone today.
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he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
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@tatumheade
I killed someone today.

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griimleyā:
āĀ āWE COULD COOK IT!ā SHE SAYS, grinning at the wriggling fish for a moment,Ā ā i mean, itās big enough. ā but then she looks up and catches the disgusted look on tatumās face, which makes her laugh,Ā ā or we could just go to jennyās. this little guy would probably be grateful. ā she sets the trap down and opens it, releasing the largemouth bass back into the creek, giving it a little wave goodbye as if it might be able to see her.Ā ā or did i just COMPLETELY kill your appetite ? didnāt even get a pic for my tinder, ā she jokes.
she nods, nose wrinkling at the sight of the fish, simply flopping around. any fishing trips her dad has gone on has luckily never been with tatum, except for once where she cried when they caught the fish, and janet called her a baby, and that was the end of that. she thinks itās not really something sheād enjoy anyhow.Ā ājennyās,ā she repeats.Ā āi can do jennyās. iād give my left foot for some chili cheese fries right about now.ā she smiles a little, mostly because elise is so damn adorable, like a fairy princess in a kidās story, then pushes herself off the rock sheās on, combat boots landing in the dirt with a resounding thud.Ā ādonāt worry, think we can manage rake in all the super likes just on your personality alone. no need to cement it with a fish pic.ā
ofrachelsā:
RACHELāS ARM GO TO FOLD OVER HER CHEST,Ā but she feels the metal of the gun on her arm and jerks a bit, forgetting it was there.Ā itās not loaded, itās not loaded, she reminds herself, though she does kneel down and place it on the ground, because it feels sort of like an elephant in the room right now.Ā her arms cross over her chest.Ā Ā ā i mean, you point and click, right ?Ā āĀ Ā she asks, only half-kidding.Ā the corner of her mouth rises into a slight smile, though it doesnāt reach her eyes.Ā Ā ā school work ?Ā āĀ Ā rachel guesses, and it feels WEIRD talking to tatum like this, just the two of them.Ā as friends.Ā theyāve never not been friends, she supposes, but theyāve never been particularly close either.Ā janet had been the only thing tethering them together, and rachel still hasnāt completely gotten used to having a new invisible string connecting them, with the sleuths.Ā
from tatumās angle, it just looks like a girl is alone out here with a gun. not exactly the best image to walk in on. but she releases the breath she doesnāt realize sheās even holding when rachel sets it to on the ground, pushing it away.Ā āguess so,ā she says, with a shrug. ever since janet, thereās been a void that neither could fill between them. she was the only reason they even spoke, after all. and now that sheās out of the equation, it leaves them skirting around what they actually do and feel. tatum is never one to dump her problems onto someone else, but if it was anybody, itād probably be elise, definitely not rachel westbrook. but itās different, now, once more, with the sleuths. a lot of things sheās not quite used to popping up and forcing her to adjust, quickly. and with tatum, she usually just grins and bears it. so she nods, tight lipped smile.Ā āyeah. sure,ā she tells her.Ā āitās just a lot. i needed a minute.ā or an hour. or a lifetime.Ā āi know last time,ā she begins.Ā āit was scary. but i need you to be careful with that.ā sheās referring to the gun.Ā āself defense is different from having blood on your hands.āĀ
PERSONA
1966, dir. Ingmar Bergman
hatlvsā:
HEĀ THINKS,Ā FORĀ AĀ BRIEFĀ SECOND,Ā THATĀ HEĀ CANĀ DOĀ THIS. Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā butĀ heĀ cant.Ā itāsĀ evidentĀ asĀ heāsĀ lookingĀ atĀ tatumĀ thatĀ whateverĀ liesĀ unresolvedĀ isĀ buildingĀ aĀ wallĀ betweenĀ them,Ā andĀ whilstĀ atlasĀ couldĀ beĀ activelyĀ tryingĀ toĀ breakĀ itĀ down,Ā heĀ isĀ knowinglyĀ doingĀ theĀ opposite.Ā itāsĀ easierĀ thatĀ wayĀ āĀ andĀ forĀ twoĀ peopleĀ whoĀ haveĀ knownĀ hardship,Ā theĀ easiestĀ wayĀ oftenĀ seemsĀ right.Ā Ā heĀ groansĀ slightlyĀ asĀ heĀ removesĀ hisĀ foot,Ā butĀ silencesĀ himselfĀ almostĀ immediately. « there.Ā Ā»
she doesnāt remember the last time that sheās spoken to him, just him, without the rest of the group around. heās surely busy with whatever is going on in his life, just as sheās busy in hers. running a group, working, making sure her fatherās head stays above water and the mortgage on their tiny house is paid off. so she hasnāt had time to ruminate on her one and only (failed) relationship. she sits, and when the waitress comes by, orders a basket of fries for the table, and sits some more. neither say anything, but mainly because tatum doesnāt know what to say.Ā āso,ā she finally manages. a poor attempt at a conversation starter.Ā ā...how are you?ā

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ofrachelsā:
ā WELL I WOULD HOPE NOT,Ā āĀ Ā she huffs out a small laugh, though thereās nothing entirely amusing about it.Ā but with a gun in her hand, rachel feels like a kid caught with their hand in a cookie jar.Ā she tucks it behind her back, in case someone else might join them.Ā Ā ā i was trying to see if i remembered how to use it,Ā āĀ Ā the brunette shrugs.Ā Ā ā coop said she would teach me, but i wanted to be a little more comfortable holding it first.Ā i didnāt know where else to go.Ā āĀ Ā she certainly couldnāt walk around with it in the westbrook backyard.Ā Ā ā what are you doing here ?Ā āĀ
she doesnāt remember the last time it was just her and rachel, if it was ever just her and rachel, so itās a feeling she quickly has to become acquainted with.Ā āand do you?ā she asks, maintaining her distance because after all, it is a gun that rachel is holding in her hands. if it was a flower or something, maybe a different story.Ā āremember how to use it, i mean.ā she circles around, still keeping space. thereās always space between them, no matter how hard they try.Ā āi just needed a break,ā she says, with a shrug.Ā āeverything was getting overwhelming.āĀ
griimleyā:
open starter.
āĀ āHEY, LOOK WHAT I GOT!ā ELISE CALLS FROM THE EDGE OF THE CREEK. she and her dad used to set a whole lot of little traps in the water when she was growing up, spending sunday afternoons fishing when he didnāt have work. nowadays, itās reserved for what feels like special occasions, edwin grimleyās good days which are few and far between. she still sets traps at the edge of the water anyways, though, just for old timeās sake. unless itās something real big, she usually just lets it go. otherwise: thatās dinner.Ā ā waterās a lot higher this year, ā she notes as the water rushes over her knees,Ā ā means more rain, which is a good sign ! ā especially after the hellish few months theyāve had.Ā ā you hungry ? āĀ
never really the active one, she leaves that to elise, watching her best friend fiddle with traps as she sat on a nearby rock trying to get horror fancams to load with the service being so shit out here. she doesnāt even realize elise has caught something until sheās squinted at the trap in her hands, seeing the wriggling fish. her nose scrunches up.Ā āare we cooking that?ā she deadpans, phone still in hand, despite her attempts going unheeded.Ā āreally? is now a bad time to go vegetarian?ā
I Believe in Unicorns - Leah Meyerhoff (2014)
haha no bro i promise im okay! *dissolves due to loneliness*

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hatlvsā:
ITāSĀ BECOMINGĀ ALMOSTĀ EMBARRASSINGLYĀ CLEAR Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā thatĀ orionĀ isĀ notĀ goingĀ toĀ showĀ up,Ā evenĀ despiteĀ atlasāĀ difficultĀ commuteĀ toĀ getĀ here,Ā andĀ forĀ whatĀ ?Ā aĀ coffee,Ā discussingĀ āĀ somethingĀ importantĀ āĀ asĀ ifĀ orionĀ everĀ hadĀ anythingĀ significantĀ toĀ shareĀ withĀ hisĀ Ā youngerĀ brother.Ā butĀ still,Ā atlasĀ letsĀ hisĀ hopesĀ getĀ inĀ theĀ wayĀ ofĀ realityĀ evenĀ whenĀ heāsĀ losingĀ patience.Ā heĀ ordersĀ anotherĀ shake,Ā comingĀ toĀ termsĀ withĀ theĀ factĀ thatĀ hisĀ ownĀ brotherĀ hasĀ stoodĀ himĀ upĀ onceĀ again,Ā butĀ atĀ leastĀ heĀ doesnātĀ mindĀ spendingĀ timeĀ aloneĀ atĀ jennyās,Ā notĀ really.Ā thereĀ areĀ worseĀ placesĀ inĀ sedona.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā aĀ knownĀ faceĀ comesĀ intoĀ atlasāĀ peripheralĀ visionĀ andĀ heĀ looksĀ upĀ atĀ theĀ otherĀ sleuthĀ withĀ halfĀ aĀ smile.Ā hisĀ brokenĀ footĀ isĀ preppedĀ upĀ onĀ theĀ otherĀ seatĀ oppositeĀ ofĀ him. « ifĀ youĀ wantĀ meĀ toĀ removeĀ myĀ footĀ youāreĀ gonnaĀ haveĀ toĀ physicallyĀ moveĀ itĀ yourself.Ā Ā»
stubborn-- thatās tatum. you can try to deter her from doing anything, but itās often proven futile. and right now, sheās determined for things not to be weird between her and atlas. even if sheās the reason theyāre weird. itās been years, but theyāre still not quite back to normal, yet. instead, a consistently awkward tension lingers when theyāre not among the rest of the group. one thatās evident as she makes her way over to his table, her basket of fries traveling with her. she drops it on the table between them without so much as another word.Ā āiām not going to do that,ā she deadpans.Ā āmake room.ā
ofrachelsā:
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā open starter.
WHEN RACHEL NEEDS A PLACE TO GO AWAY FROM PRYING EYES, itās the shed she always turns to.Ā lately sheās been frequenting it a lot more, whether any of her friends are around or not.Ā sheās tired of the dozen questions her parents give her every time she comes and goes from her house, as if carolyn is going to break out of jail to finish the job.Ā sheās tired of her new sleep schedule, now that jenny has her opening instead of closingĀ Ā ( though rach wonāt admit that she kind of prefers it this way ) .Ā Ā but mostly sheās tired of herself for making her relive what happened over and over again, making her feel utterly DEFENSELESS.
her father hasnāt even noticed that the handgun he keeps in his dresser is missing, and out in the woods behind the shed rachelās turning it over in her hand, trying to decide whether this makes her feel POWERFUL or stupid.Ā her father had showed her how to shoot it once when she was ten, but all she remembers is the loud noise it made and how much her mother had yelled at him afterwards.Ā
the sound of leaves rustling behind her makes her tense for a moment, before glancing behind her shoulder and giving her friend a small, guilty smile.Ā Ā ā i promise itās not loaded.Ā āĀ Ā though she does have the bullets in her pocket, just in case.
she feels bad for missing the important things. she feels like sheās always missing the important things. and decidedly, thatās not something a leader does. miss things. but in her defense, her fatherās been getting a little sloppy these past few weeks, and someoneās got to look out for him. and since the obvious preferred choice is no longer around, tatum is the next best thing. sheās taking a break now, her father finally calming down from his general sad disposition, and the first place she goes is somewhere to clear her head. tatumās only slightly surprised to see rachel there, more so surprised by the gun in her hand. she thinks, maybe, she should turn around and go before sheās caught, but rachel turns around.Ā āi didnāt think you were going to shoot me, anyhow,ā she tells her, simply.Ā āwhat are you doing with that?ā
pagcantmaterialā:
closed starter for: @tatumheadeā
roxy was leaving her first shift back at jennyās since getting back in town when she saw tatum across the street from the diner.Ā āoh my gosh!! tatum!! hey!!ā she yelled across the way, waving frantically hoping that her friend would notice. she looked both ways before skipping towards her.Ā āhey!ā she called out again gleefully, fixing her glasses atop her head when she caught up.Ā āi missed you so much! AND you will never guessĀ i got you from my trip.ā she stated with excitement.Ā
sheās listening to her walkman, the cureĀ blasting through her headphones, coming back from her latest drop off, heading over to pick up her next errand. if she wasnāt keeping her head up, she might of missed roxy altogether. but, then again, itās kind of hard to miss her with all the flailing. tatum knocks her headphones off, letting them rest around her neck.Ā āāsup, rox?ā she asks, reaching over to pause robert smithās voice.Ā āi missed you, too.ā brow quirked at her statement, a small smile tugging at her lips.Ā āyou know you didnāt have to get me anything at all. i appreciate it, though. whatād you get me?ā
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Cities are built from ruins. I think people are too.
Midnight Excerpts #24 // L.H.Z (via lhzthepoet)
Think of all those gems of nihilistic wisdom the world would be missing if you hadnāt been born. Happy birthday, oh, joyous one.