black sheep

“a quiz like that is hard to say if someone lied or not, so i think it’s safe.” quizzes like that were always rigged anyway, and with so few options in general you could get any result. he wouldn’t try to take something like that too seriously though, he usually never did, and what good would it do to kill her fun? “straight laced? me?” he audibly laughed, exaggerating it and going over the top as he did so. “you must not know me at all.” no one would ever consider him straight laced, he was known to be quite the opposite in fact. “yeah we got this old raggedy couch some old worker donated forever ago. it’s kind of gross but it’s something.”

“don’t know what libel means, but i’m gonna take your word for it. still don’t take magazine quizzes all that seriously though.” his only experience with magazines like tiger beat had come from his older sister, buying every magazine just to rip out the posters of luke perry and have her walls covered in her various celebrity crushes. “brandon? no way am i a brandon, he’s like the smart straight laced guy out of the group. i’d be the guy brandon probably hates in the friend group. you know, maybe i’d be a steve, just less dickish and clearly more attractive.” he said as his hair was a mess, random parts sticking out where others aren’t. he got up and moved to the tv section, grabbing the seasons they had of the show. “let’s go.”

nate would never consider himself popular, high school showed him that, but he had his circle of people he knew he could call his friends. some were closer than others, but he was glad to have them nonetheless, and he could only hope they were glad to have him. drew was his go to person though, the first person he called when there was some event or just wanted to hang out. they were always on the same vibe, which was rare to find with someone. “i’m dead serious right now. i wouldn’t lie about that stuff anyway.” drew was a little too gullible, especially under the influence, which nate couldn’t help but use to his comedic advantage. “you’re such a baby, they’re not scary at all. it’s like getting water in your eye, it’s no big deal.” he dropped them in with ease, a steady hand with how used to doing this he was.

wren was a real rough around the edges type, and nate couldn’t help but wonder what his social life was like. he had seen him around talking to some people, but not enough to get a real feel for him. did he have a best friend, a confidant, or was he the total lone wolf type. nate was hard to crack open, to let people in to the more emotional side of him, but he needed people nonetheless. he may not tell them his secrets or the pain that eats away at him, but if he didn’t have his friends to hang out with he’d probably have gone crazy by now. “you called me pretty. that’s a compliment.” he pointed out, grabbing his wallet and taking out as much cash he could spend, knowing he had to save enough for actual necessities. “this is all i got.”

elsie seemed prissy for a lack of a better word, not in a bad way but in the way most prissy girls were. pampered, spoiled, easily hurt when things didn’t go there way. he had seen his fair share of girls like her, so spoiled it was like they never got the chance to grow up almost, so far from him who had to grow up so young. he had to appreciate it, their luck in having things easy, even if he couldn’t help the jealousy that stirred inside of him. “yeah well i don’t take tiger beat as a very reliable source. i mean the closest i am to a character is david, and i’m nothing like him, so that’s saying something.” andrea wouldn’t act the way she was right now, but he could tell she was a character of her own, just like he was. “you’ll have to point it out to me while we watch, just to make sure i catch it.”

nate knew what he was good for: a good time, and that was just about it. he could bring some drinks, some weed, talk nonsense in an attempt to get whoever he was with to laugh, and maybe a quick fuck. that was it really, he was good entertainment and that was it, he knew that. that’s why he couldn’t help his confusion at this girl coming here to spend time with him, furrowing his eyebrows in said confusion. “can’t promise anything, but i’ll try. i just don’t know how of all the characters, andrea is your favorite. she has her moments, but she’s the boring one in the group.” he ignored her last comment, sure it was some kind of mistake.

it was a rule at blockbuster that they always had to be up on their feet, moving around and organizing movies or offering to help a customer, even standing while at the register just to seem professional. there was nothing professional about nate though, bringing a chair from the back room out front for him to sit on, not really caring if he got in any trouble for it or not. he often had a few people come in to see him, close friends or regular customers who trusted his opinion on movies. he didn’t expect the blonde he had met briefly before at chuck e. cheese to be someone to seek him out at work, but he wouldn’t complain about that. “hey, fancy seeing you here.” he smiled, leaning forward more in his chair towards her. “i’m nate, nice to properly meet you elsie.” he took her hand in his, shaking it gently before dropping it down to his sides again. “let me guess, you came here to watch some bev hills.”

nate felt bad as he saw how newt reacted to it, he was so genuine and nice, not taking it personally and immediately respecting that. it’s almost funny how low nate’s standards are that something as simple as basic human decency was something he found so admirable about newt. he tried to wipe his guilt away, knowing he had no reason to feel that way but feeling so anyway. nate was all emotions whether he liked to admit it or not, they overwhelmed him, took over him. he tried to push them down as hard as he could, not show them easily to anyone, covering it with smiles and laughs and acting like he didn’t care. he probably cared more than most people about everything. “hey man it’s all good, don’t even worry about it.” he kept trying to brush it off, hating to live in the uncomfortableness. “man you’re really just coming for me, take that option away and now i have nothing to back my claim. how i am in the bedroom is all i’ve got going for me.” and he didn’t even know if anyone would say that, but hey there had to be some reason people usually came back for that and sadly nothing else. “yeah man, sure. you’re a good guy, real sweet.” it was true that newt was, but nate didn’t appreciate people lying to him. he knew who he was and his worth, and when people tried to lie about it he only felt worse. “i can’t help it i’m a natural flirt. i just talk my regular talk and everyone thinks i’m coming onto them. i think it’s secretly that you all want me to come onto you. you want a date just ask for it, that’s what i’m all about.” not that he ever really asked anyone on dates anymore, humiliating rejections in high school putting him in his place of knowing he wasn’t good enough for that. he was good for a quick fuck, as a bootycall, but that was it. “well i’ll start keeping an eye out for when you’re working and i’ll only go in then. you can tell me about every game and we’ll see which one i pick.” he responded, closing the door and pulling out a joint, lighting it for the two of them as he took a hit and passed it over to newt.

the two of them were always a concealed chaos, doing the dumbest almost craziest shit they could think of one night then spending the next on his couch for hours. they often knew their limits, sometimes, and the times they didn’t were ignored by the both of them. they were high, they shouldn’t be held accountable for any mistakes they made, it was the drugs. “yeah helen and i are best friends, i sneak in here some nights and just hang out with him.” he lied, going along with their ridiculous story, or at least it was that to him. “when have i not been careful? i’m a pro at this and you know that. it hurts that you doubt me after all the times i’ve done this for you.” he shook his head, tsking at her in disapproval for her doubt.

with two years between them they never really hung around with the same crowd, nate being a junior when wren was a freshmen, and getting kicked out of school halfway through his senior year he didn’t get to witness much of wren in high school. he was pretty perceptive though, and from what he remembers the two had always been drastically different in their similarities. both fuck ups, whispers about them as they walked by, rumors spreading. they dealt with it in such different ways, nate embraced it, tried to make the most of it. making a joke out of himself, using himself as entertainment for everyone else as it stung him each time. wren was more edgy, angsty, broody. nate could’ve easily been just that, almost as easily as wren could’ve been him. “will do man.” and he probably would some other day. “you’re the one calling me pretty boy, giving me all these compliments. do you have a crush on me or something? how much you got on you right now?”

nate knew how people were, good or bad, he didn’t hold it against them unless they went too far. everyone had their reasons for what they did, and he was the last person to be in a position to judge anyone. he knew he deserved it sometimes anyway, his idiocy peeking out too much, sometimes he needed to be put in his place. “nah, it’s alright. not a fan like i said, those stupid shows are just a good guilty pleasure, especially when i’m high.” he went to grab more tokens, taking advantage of the situation and him being allowed in. “i’m a legend when it comes to these games, which one you want me to show off my skills for?”

looking down on the girl there was something just adorable about her, like she was a barbie doll come to life. “you seem like the type to be a fan. who do you like more, dylan or brandon?” it was pretty much the same as the brenda vs kelly question, and her answer would be very telling. you can learn a lot about a person from their favorite movie or show characters, nate had learned that working at blockbuster very quickly. “hey well we got a little tv in the back room of blockbuster so if you ever want to catch up, it’s all yours.” nate offered that up a little too much which his boss hated, but it was usually after closing anyway. “andrea? who likes andrea?”

nate wasn’t a dealer but he might as well be with how often people asked him for stuff, and with how often he said yes and shared from his own stash. he wasn’t one to step on wren’s turf like that, and he didn’t need the extra trouble anyway. “yeah i got some left, let’s go.”

hearing drew laugh only made nate laugh more as his high hit him harder, fumbling through his pockets to grab his eye drops but instead finding literally anything else. “dude no, i think his name is helen. chuck is just a front, he told me himself i swear. seriously dude i swear chuck e. cheese himself told me his name was helen.” he insisted, trying to stay as serious as he could but not being able to help the laughter creeping out. with all his stuff now on the floor he finally found his eye drops, left having to pick up his wallet and the various spare change and receipts that were scattered on the floor. “i want a pizza with everything on it.” he spoke, putting his hand on her face to steady it as he tried to put the eye drops in.

nate rarely held any ill will towards anyone, not even his own family, not finding it in him to put in the effort of actively disliking or hating someone. even when they deserved it he couldn’t bring himself to do it, usually he felt more sad about it then anything. it took a lot to make nate dislike someone, and just based on wren’s attitude he was sure he was a guy that could easily piss someone off, but not nate. he was hardened, that was for sure, but nate could recognize a lot of himself in him. there was mutual understanding, respect, at least for nate there was. “hey man i’m trying to be good right now, gotta get my unlimited tokens while i still can. i’ll just stick with the weed.” it was a hard thing to say no to, but nate knew his limits sometimes. “i have been told i have good hair but it means a lot more coming from you.”

despite the front he put up of playing the role everyone gave him, nate was a lot more than that. he didn’t think he was worth much, he didn’t think he was worth anything in all honesty, but at least he knew he was a good guy. at least he tried to be one, sometimes that got lost in translation in his jokes and his usual carefree attitude, but he did try to be good. he couldn’t do much for anyone other than give them movie recommendations and maybe some weed, but he tried to be there for the people he cared about, even if he didn’t always hit the mark. he knew what it was like to not have anyone even try with you, and he didn’t want to be like that. “i know i just did it too you, and no hard feelings, but get your hands off my shoulders.” he felt bad saying that, but it was almost too much for him, too gentle and too nice. he couldn’t handle that, the lack of it in his life before making it terrifying to him now, overwhelming. he quickly tried to make it fun again, fearful of ruining it all. “i’ve been told i’m pretty life changing in general. tend to have that effect.” he forced a smile, his overthinking and internalized stress immediately killing his high, and he was especially thankful now that they were going to smoke again. “you’re really asking me for my sources as if i didn’t flunk out of high school for not knowing how to properly cite something. you think i know anything about sources? that’s just cruel man.” he teased him, not really taking it to heart, making light of his failures as he jokingly punched newt in the arm. “hey man i’m all about that. i’m a great ego booster, to those who deserve it of course.” newt was definitely that, nate had never seen newt be anything but nice, which is more than he could say for most people. “i can agree to that.” he opened the door for newt as he replied, letting him out as he followed close behind.

cat had a really special talent of making nate feel like shit but still stick around. often happened when someone didn’t have enough love for themselves, or saw enough in the other person to make them keep sticking around and hope something would change. he didn’t want anything more or anything less right now, but he couldn’t deny the sting her condescending tone left him, one he was used to hearing his entire life. “i don’t know real people words. you’ll just have to try and decipher what i’m saying on your own.”