āalright man, i wasnāt here the night of the fire but this is what i think as, you know, one of chuck eās angels, like off the record. unless you wanna, like tell the people of course, cause thatās totally chill if you do, man, i still love you.ā deon says absolutely unprovoked, brow arching for a moment he smiles and continues,Ā ābut dude, i think i fuckinā cracked it, man! like i fuckin got it, bruh, like, okay.ā deon puts his hands up as he arches his brows higher, immediately saying,Ā āno one knows how the fire happened right, like itās a total fuckinā mystery⦠like nancy drew. or scooby doo you know? but i fuckinā do, because right around the same time that we had the fire the fuckin toy store got in those new little ugly things, you know, the furbies!ā deonās eyes are bright with his enthusiasm as he gestures wildly. ābruh, my theory is that at night, those little motherfuckers turned into gremlins, you know from like the movie gremlins, and they fuckinā came in and tried to burn down the chuck e cheese, cause, get this,ā deon leans into them conspiratorially, almost whispering as he says, āthey didnāt want the competition. they were jealous of chuck e! they wanted to be the only animatronic motherfuckers in town! and also cause you know, theyāre gremlins and those fuckers are nasty.ā deon nods in approval at his words, leaning back easily before heās arching a brow and pointing at them as he says, āand you wanna know how i know iām right? the next day after the fire,ā deon brings his hands together a moment before making an exploding gesture as if to silently sayĀ āpoofā.Ā āā¦all the fuckinā furbies were fuckin gone,Ā man! like how do you explain that? theyāre evil, dude, iām fuckin telling you!ā deon shakes his head with a sigh as if deeply put out, ātheyāre gonna fuckinā kill us in our sleepā¦āĀ
kit is nodding along with deon; he is alwaysĀ down for some conspiracy theories about the chuck e. cheese burning down. ever since it happened, it had been his very favorite hobby. to have something like that happen right next to him?Ā it was too good to be true. however, kit had to snort at the end.Ā ācāmon, deon, donāt be ridiculous.ā he leaned forward, conspiratorially.Ā ānow, i have to agree, gremlins are nasty fuckers, and those furbies? even nastier. but. youāre forgetting a very obvious explanation.ā he points in the general direction of chuck e. cheeseās,Ā āthose furbies? those are already godless abominations, they were created by evangelical christians to sow discord and bring about the apocalypse and the second coming of jesus christ. now, typically, there are a few people, members of a secret satantic cult, that go around to buy up all the furbies to halt this plot. but hereās the thing, those furbies in the chuck e. cheese? they were in a machine, they were nearly unwinnableĀ prizes. they canāt just buy them up. so, what do the cult members do? a robbery of just the furbies would be too easily traceable, far too suspicious. so, they have to burn that entire motherfucker to the ground for the sake of humanity and to prevent the world as we know it from ending.āĀ