Thinking about Queerplatonic Revalek again and about aroace Revan/allo Malak... About them being friends since they were children, and it was so easy then, to love each other when you're six years old and you can fill each other's world completely because you're small and they're small, and you just fit together. And then eventually puberty hits Alek like a truck but it sneaks up on Revan. It's not so difficult at first, it doesn't change that much, except Alek is growing like a fucking weed and he keeps tripping over his suddenly long legs, but it's not that different. Except when it suddenly is. Except when suddenly everyone else in their age group, and Alek, gets weird about each other, and talks about kissing and sex and about others being hot and Revan just does not understand. And they're still friends, they still belong together, they still have the bond, of course they do, but Alek keeps looking at girls, and he says these things and Revan can't help but be jealous, except they don't really understand of what even, because they don't want what Alek is talking about, they don't understand any of that talk about romance or sexual attraction that is floating about and the Masters keep trying to warn them about, and they know Alek won't just drop them, they're in each others heads, of course they know but... But. The longer it goes on the more there is that anxious buzz, that low fear that he will. That he will leave. That someone else will be more important. Because that is what everyone else is saying, that love is the strongest temptation, that it will draw you away from everything important, make you forget about everything else. And they never seem to mean what Revan is feeling, even though they do love him, more than anything else, more than they could imagine loving anyone or anything else, but it doesn't fit with what they're talking about. What Alek is talking about. And so they stew in it for years, shove that stupid illogical fear into the furthest corner of their mind where it stays, a constant low buzz of anxiety that they won't be enough one day, to come back to, while Alek goes out to explore, to learn about himself, to fuck around honestly, and they don't begrudge him that, they like it when he's happy, and he does come back. But what if one day he won't. What if he will be happier with someone else, with that other love people keep talking about.
And eventually, many years into the future, when they're both already drowning in darkness and rage and Malak argues with them, calls them weak, it finally flows over, and when they strike at him, rip off his jaw, it's not just revenge, it's not just a rebuttal to being called weak, it's making sure he will never kiss anyone again, that no one else will ever want him again. He won't leave. Not for that.
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