cynical

dependent michelle jones-watson for reshieldedhq. ━━ penned by summer.

   “sorry, i – do you mind??” grinning a bit sheepishly, steve held up the pencil clutched between fingers, sketchbook opened to a fresh page. “i’ve been drawing mostly trees and other scenery today, so i figured it might be worth a shot to ask for an actual subject.” 

@reshieldedstart​

          “  i  just  think !  ”   and  the  spider  girl  perks  up  ,   excitement  in  her  eyes  as  she  thinks  .   she’s  always  been  the  type  to  enjoy  the  little  things  ,   to  say  the  least !    “  i  should  be  an  absolute  MENACE  to  the  patriarchy  ,   yanno ?   FUCK MEN,  they  really  don’t  deserve  shit  .  ”   outside  of  uncle  ben  ,   of  course  .  

“ what , like .. getting married ? are you marrying someone ? “ to be fair , in his family , weddings took up about sixty percent of the so - called ‘ big news ‘ . “ or you’re like .. y’know … “ he trails off , gesturing to his own stomach . “ bun ? oven ? baking metaphor ? “

“glad some girls around this city have each others backs” she smiles genuinely before nodding affirmatively “alright, to the nearest coffee place then? any preference?”

(  @ofmichellejones​ !  )“  this  professor  is  going  to  be  the  DEATH  of  me  -  ”   peni  whines  as  the  two  of  them  step  out  of  their  building  ,   cheeks  blowing  up  in  distaste  as  she  does  so  .“  how  SEXIST  does  someone  have  to  be  for  us  to  go  to  the  college  council  or  something ?  seriously  .   i’m  tired  of  fucking  BRAD  being  called  on  and  he  gets  the  answer  wrong  anyways  .  ”

she’s  a  part  of  harry  he’ll  never  fully  be  able  to  reckon  with  —  a  part  that’s  easier  to  turn  away  from,  to  brush  aside  as  he  tries  to  position  himself  forward.  she’s  one  of  his  oldest  friends,  and  yet  a  drunken  mistake.  one  of  the  greatest  souls  he’s  ever  known,  and  yet  another  name  tacked  onto  the  end  of  a  long  list  of  people  who  left  too  soon.  who  distanced  themselves  from  harry  when  things  got  tough.  he’d  lost  gwen  stacy,  and  with  her,  mary  jane.  then  in  her  wake,  he’d  lost  michelle,  too.  of  course,  some  cuts  could  be  patched.  like  putting  a  bandaid  on  a  bullet  hole  —  if  he  didn’t  think  about  gwen  stacy,  he  didn’t  have  to  grieve.  if  him  and  mary  jane  could  keep  lying  to  themselves,  they  could  be  together  forever.  but  michelle  ? she’s  the  wound  that  still  stings.  there’s  no  newfound  sense  of  normality  between  the  two  of  them,  and  harry’s  inability  to  gain  control  of  their  friendship  only  drives  him  mad.

but  she’s  here,  in  front  of  him.  right  now,  she’s  alone.  she’s  not  running  away.  he’s  all  but  got  her  cornered.  if  harry  can  only  act  like  the  past  few  years  haven’t  happened,  they  can  be  normal.  they  can  be  okay.  harry  gives  the  brunette  a  thin-pressed  smile  that  doesn’t  quite  reach  his  eyes,  nodding  his  head  in  acceptance  of  the  offer.  “  know  what ?  you’re  right,  ”  he  agrees.  “  there’s  this  café  on  fifth.  it’s  on  me,  if  you  wanna  catch  up.  ”

there’s something about the way he was standing there, looking at her, that filled her stomach with this sinking feeling. there was this pit in her stomach, it somehow grew, snowballing the more they stood there and looked at each other. the silence between them lingered, it was palpable, and the longer it lasted, the longer she was watching him, waiting for him to say something, the more she felt like she could be sick. and michelle can’t even tell why, which is the worst part. is it that on some level, she still feels something for him? is it just that feeling of what could have been, always wondering what they could have had? was it knowing that mary jane was with him, and that intuitive feeling, inkling of an idea that things weren’t going as well as they could have been? the frustration that mary jane got him first, even though she loved him first? or the guilt that she’d never told her sister about any of it; the feelings or the kiss? 

         arm  wraps  around  michelle’s  shoulder  and  she  gives  the  younger  girl  a  gentle  squeeze  .   she  considered  both  jones  girls  to  be  one  of  her  own  ,   always  inviting  them  over  for  dinner  (  or  even  birthday shots  when  they  got  old  enough  )  .“  you  and  i  both  .   and  we  could  even  have  some  beers  -  ”   may  says  with  a  wiggle  of  her  own  shoulder  .“  maybe  ,   but  you  deserve  to  be  heard  nonetheless  .  ”

“oh. i didn’t even see that….” she carefully takes her key-card from the young woman’s hand before offering her a faint smile, “thanks. most people in this city would rather leave it than speak to someone else, well in my experience….” she shrugs before putting the card back into her pocket, “can i get you a coffee or something… as thanks, y’know?”

He was grateful for her, a moment of familiarity in the midst of unsteady ground. He’d spent the last months falling, his web broken mid-swing, the ground rushing up endlessly to meet him but never quite hitting. One of his oldest friends, still here, still pretending it hadn’t all gone off the rails. He was grateful, too, for her relentless lack of optimism. “Yeah, I know, think about the years of suffering I could’ve just avoided with a good snack. Damn. This is a turning point, Michelle. I can feel it.” Peter gave her a sheepish look. “I don’t know. I think I fucked up whatever pull I had with them when… Well. I’m not really a poster boy anymore. I mean, I am, but super the wrong kind of poster.”

               𝐍𝐎𝐎𝐃𝐋𝐄𝐒  𝐀𝐑𝐄  𝐒𝐋𝐔𝐑𝐑𝐏𝐄𝐃  between  glossed  lips  ,  spicy  moon  had  been  mary  jane’s  comfort  food  ever  since  the  blip  .  an  easy  coping  mechanism  to  deal  with  the  loss  of  family  ,  aunt  anna  no  longer  as  youthful  as  she  once  had  been  .  chunk  of  life  torn  from  perfectly  manicured  fingertips  .  through  it  all  ,  there  were  things  to  look  up  to  .  .  .  like  michelle  .  hadn’t  lost  her  sister  ,  hadn’t  lost  any  time  with  her  but  mj  had  always  been  consumed  with  the  life  of  others  .  a  sort  of  escapism  from  a  broken  home  life  .  she’s  flighty  ,  doesn’t  call  much   —  she  could  blame  it  on  a  busy  schedule  .  truth  was  ,  she  was  running  .  hiding  behind  the  façade  of  her  superstar  lifestyle  to  ignore  the  people  that  loved  her  most  .  mary  jane  was  never  meant  to  be  a  family  girl  .   ❝   mm  ,  did  you  ?   ❞   napkin  is  placed  against  pouted  lips  ,  quirk  of  her  brow  shooting  upward  as  she  maneuvered  to  the  back  of  kitchen  chair  .   ❝   it’s  actually  pretty  sick  ,  people  actually  really  like  me  .  or  like  ,  they  pretend  they  do  ,  which  is  just  as  good  .  is  that  bad  ?  i  think  i’m  friends  with  doja  cat  ?  can  you  believe  that  ?  oh  my  god  ,  you  have  to  come  to  this  label  party  with  me  .  there’s  going  to  be  a  ton  of  celebs  there  ,  bella  hadid  ,  kendall  jenner  .  .  .  it’s  gonna  be  crazy  .   ❞