K-Twizzle @officialswagbomb - Tumblr Blog

Happy pride month to the tiny cowboy and tiny Trojan man from Night at the Museum

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skygrl

yall ever serve urself an appropriate amount of spaghetti and are full after eating the set amount of spaghetti and consciously know that u have eaten all the spaghetti u needed but also. u know that there is More spaghetti in the kitchen. so u go and get urself more spaghetti and spend the rest of the night feeling like u ate 30 bricks cursing urself for eating so much spaghetti

#too real

comradesaucegay

every year around christmas me and my grandma play this fun family game called “maybe you want to put jesus in your room instead, sweetie? :)”. now, it’s important to note that the jesus referred to in our game is not actually the real jesus christ, but instead a wooden figure i made in 2011 that has an uncanny resemblance to the lord and savior himself

so what happens is that i place jesus in our living room, and my grandma smiles and asks me if i don’t want to decorate my room with him instead. i ask her in return if she thinks my jesus figure is ugly (which he is), but she reassures me that this is not the case. however, a couple of days later jesus mysteriously disappears from our living room, and appear in my room instead

now, the real jesus christ might have been able to perform a miracle like this, but please remember that the jesus in our story is only a figure made out of wood. he can not move on his own, so i think we can safely say that my grandma is the prime suspect here

the first year i would often confront my grandma about this, but she would always make up an excuse and never straight up tell me she moved him because he’s so ugly it’s an embarrassment to the family

eventually i grew tired of her lies, so now we only move jesus around in silence. one second he’s in the living room, the next he’s back in my room. in a way i think this adds an extra element of excitement to the holiday season, because you never know for sure when jesus is going to be moved again

comradesaucegay

and so it begins..

voxiferous-deactivated20171119

i was not fucking ready for this photograph

miaoumint

always reblog

#omg #god bless

luanneclatterbuck

I just held a door for a man in public and he was so uncomfortable. He tried to, like… take it from me? And I wouldn’t let him and just smiled and waved him through and you’d have thought I had really done something offensive. He was even coming through from the other side so it would have been doubly stupid for him to take it from me.

HOW DO MEN EVEN LIVE. IT’S A GODDAMN DOOR.

itdidntscandoesitsmeanitsfree

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billwyers

exclusive deleted footage of father steve

#accurate #stranger things

Crave riot grrrl punk with your waffles like Eleven? Or rock with your coffee and contemplation like Hopper? We’ll scan your Spotify listening habits to tell you which Stranger Things character you are.

heavenisaplaceonearthwithyooou

#same

tasteheavenperfectly

imagine being stuck in a room surrounded by everyone you’ve ever had sex with

heysammy-blog

#empty chairs at empty tables

zaynxlvarchive

imagine being stuck in a room surrounded by everyone you’ve ever thought about having sex with

mrgoldenfold-deactivated2016032

oh god NO

newyorktittie-deactivated201511

oh god YES

solitarylikeme

Imagine your cousin sitting there wondering what he has in common with these people

bannerinthevalley

what

tombstonetrash

what

daddy-frnk-deactivated20150108

what

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you: "cool beans"

me, an intellectual: "chilled legumes"

#same

theparttimemisanthrope

Beast: If you won’t eat with me, you can go ahead and STARVE! *exits with a dramatic flourish*

Mrs. Potts: …

#accurate #beauty and the beast

undertakers-convention

[to the tune of the song “beauty and the beast”]

#why am i laughing so hard #beauty and the beast

meanplastic

#true #yikes #keri

deangirl92

When Taylor Swift replaces herself on iTunes as #1 all I can think of is this:

#taylor swift #lol

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toshio

#literally me

moonlittmusings

And there will be nights when your life will fall apart and no one will notice the mornings you spend putting it back together.

#:(

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