Undertaker's Convention

*scrolling tumblr* hmmm. i agree with the sentiment of this post, but the phrasing feels off to me. it doesn’t really have that Reblog factor, you know? *scrolls* oh good, a post that just says “i jerk off till my penis scrweam” . i better reblog this

i jerk off till my penis scrweam

I wish all the pee came out in one go like a shotgun blast

you just dont get this on other websites

You’ve heard of “i didn’t say it was good, i said i liked it,” get ready for “i said it had some technical problems & didn’t fully deliver on its themes, not that i didn’t like it”

shell of a person is such an apt description like yeah i feel exactly like that rn

you need daddy to complete you

daddy needs to be euthanized

Actually, no, I don't think that friendships dropping like flies in your late 20s and early 30s because no one has time for that between overwork and family obligations and marriage and kids and partners and the ritual of the time slayer is normal and ok. No I don't think deep conversations and spontaneous adventures being replaced with a tired coffee every six months is a normal part of growing up. I don't think that emotional intimacy and soul bonds disintegrating in the face of practical inconvenience is a fact of life. I think that means something is deeply deeply wrong with our society and I will never forgive it for the friends I've lost

woke up this morning, rolled over, and very confidently tried to blow out my alarm clock like a candle. absolutely no precedent for that.

In the year 1450 a priest rolls over and slams his hand into his candle, burning him and sending wax flying all over the place

just got off a literally hour-long customer service call where i kept getting put on hold and shunted around to a bunch of randos, and ofc Every Time i talked to a new person i had to explain my problem all over again, until finally i got so fed up that i cast power word: kill on the guy i was talking to but that spell only works if you have line of sight so all it did was brick my phone. and i can't afford a new phone bc i already need to buy a new laptop bc i bricked the last one playing league and trying to power word: kill a guy who called me a slur after we lost (NOT EVEN MY FAULT BTW). so now i like have basically 0 devices that connect to the internet. i'm making this post on the wii web browser.