CeeCee- It’s A True Blog

I catch red flags from certain people. I see the silver lining. I see triggers that other people give to certain people. I see the manifest of enlightenment from certain people but don’t know what to do with it because they’ve been manipulated or coached or suppress and co dependent for soooo so long. The harboring of things be real. The deflect and disrespect be real also. Oh yeah my favorite, when they push off what they going through (issues) onto other people.

Yassss, so I do have a new Podcast officially. This is my first Podcast. It’s funny because it is for work but you know it’s a Podcast. I have enjoyed doing them. You will hear me dropping Gems for the free for the power people who work in the education field, specifically Afterschool and Out Of School Time people. So you know take a listen and make sure you follow me on Anchor. Well you have to favorite on Anchor but on Spotify, Breaker and Apple Podcast you can follow me. I started on Anchor which is a free Podcast App if you have not known that fact. You can actually earn money from creating a Podcast from Anchor also. Okay y’all but here is the link.

https://anchor.fm/miss-ceecee

Miss CeeCee’s After School Talks

But that is what I have been doing since this Quarantine thing. Y’all just don’t know I am 75% loving it and the other 25% want to go out and be normal. But hey I have a few complaints. That’s another Blog. Woo child, I will be doing more Blogs as I do my Podcasts. I have to make sure I plan them out.

But stay safe and social distant for real. I don’t have a choice. 🤪 Byeeeee

Woooo!!!

WHAT A FUCKIN WEEK!!!

Managing adult humans is a tough job. It’s fun assss fuck but Goddammit, these mothafuckas got one more time to try it. That’s another post I can go into deets about. Nah who are you kidding, I’ll create a play about it. 

Anywho... So I am all for reconnecting with others especially family members. Nah I just told a lie. I am all about people being able to heal within and out mentally and spiritually. By any means necessary and the work needs to come from self and not other measures. (A WORD) I have known that since my early twenties. I’m glad I have figured that out a long time ago because if I have not gotten that MESSAGE a long time ago, my life would be up in flames waiting on mothafuckas too meet my needs and expectations. 

So I am currently choosing to reconnect with my other 7 siblings. It has been a breath of fresh air. I feel like I need to get out of this a few things. My expectations are high and I don’t care. 1. I would love to hear the “why” from each sibling. Within that “how” also. I want to know the “why’s” of the past 10+ years. Tell me how you experience life as a Bellin6er since everything. 2. Build a newfound trust, boundaries, accountability, growth and a new life experience individually bond per person. 3. Hug. 4. Cry and shade tears if possible. 5. Laugh and make new memories and share old memories. 6. Take lots of pictures. 7. Share a moment of silence. 8. Understand/ Voice Concern and Opitimistism. 9. Visit the City from time to time. 10. Keep in contact. Those are my top 10.

So I have fully reconnected with my little sis. I actually contemplated that connection for about 3 weeks I believe. I had to psych myself out. It was a great experience. I actually went out to her apartment in L.A. It was fun even though I was sick. It was okay we made the best of it. I enjoyed myself and learnt a lot from her. And I hope she learned a lot about me. I loved her personality. I told her I love her for the first time yesterday. Well, Thursday. I believe she has said it to me, but I’m high right now so yeah. 

I’m really of thinking of doing ASMR. But wait for it , wait for it....

I might ASMR songs. Have anyone done that yet?

I think not. I tried it earlier on mile app. And I started cracking up laughing. My cheeks still hurt by the way.

This is just another tool I can use for myself on a bad day when I am feeling all out of sorts.

I also got the idea the other day because I went to Trap Karaoke the other day and people weren’t singing into the mic 🎙. But they were saying all the words. Dead ass , I was reading their lips 👄 and it matched the lyrics. Maybe sound tech could have turned the volume of the mic up because the music was waaayyyy louder then those microphones. (No shade) All in all I had fun.

Back to ASMR music. 🎶 🎼 🎵 I think I might make one today before I go to brunch.

So I have about 5 housemates. 2 couples and a single boy. One of the couples brothers is staying at the house in the living room. I did not know that until 4 days of him living there and wondering why there was sooooo many suitcases and bags in the living room. The brother (the one that lives here) came to me as I walked in from work and apologized about not letting the house know that his brother was going to stay for 2weeks. (Overstayed 😐)

So me thinking about what he said, I’m trying to figure out where this is coming from. He told me that he apologizes and that maybe I wanted to use the space and that he was leaving soon when he gets things together.

Pause! Flag on the play!

I wanted to be like yeah that’s cool. And usually we have a vote and everyone gives input and says yes or no if someone can stay in the house. As that should be in a shared living space situation. And another thing why do these cis men think they can just make up and decide what a woman can do and think it’s okay? You need to still ask the question and make sure everyone is okay. 👋🏿 But moving forward I will be petty Betty and just say “no” not giving it second thought. Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice NO mothafucka.

So I said it was no worries 😉 (I was tihddd). He told me I need to tell the other housemate that I was okay and I said no you can tell him/them. (Once again 🎻) The brother was in there and was concerned and sincere at the time and was apologizing and put the blame on his brother that lived there. I’m like okay, bye.

As the 2 weeks progress, I am greeted by him daily. “Hey gorgeous!” , “You better work!” , “How was your day?” And so on and so forth. I was like okay, just being polite, I guess. But really just a f.y.i. if you are couch surfing in someone house please be unheard and unseen. 👂I don’t think y’all understand what that means. 🤔 Unheard as in don’t speak, don’t ask for nothing. You been on your ass all day on your phone, eating sleeping and shiting and running up the electricity bill. Don’t open your mouth to speak if you ain’t collected a check. Unseen as in be sleep or out to work. Your ass better be resting your eyes for the next day of service for work. You ain’t got time to drink or for any leisure activities if you ain’t got your own fucking space to pay bills at. Gtfoh! 😉👍🏿 Unseen as in out at work or coming back from work and you about to turn down for the night and you don’t have the time for leisure activities because your ass isn’t contributing. It’s a no go. I’ve experience this personally with a ex friend. And that ass would be socializing and drinking and buming shit from housemates. Like niggrow gtfoh and get your shit together and contribute. (Learnt’ lesson)

But the point of this post was now this person of 2 weeks maybe more has been here and has not contribute to the house chores or bills at all. And had the audacity to tell the single housemate “I would be living on the street before I live here” niggrow you know you lie. Seriously? How do you fix your lips to say some shit like that. That’s that ungrateful fuck shit. You ain’t put in on no bills (pg&e to be exact) and you been eating and sleeping on the couch for free. Man. You can’t just do that. You on hard times or maybe not. But obvi you are because you not in a hotel or motel for one. You can’t be ungrateful and say you rather live on the street. The door is there. Gtfoh and take your ungrateful fake energy out of here.

I can’t stand people who don’t see the deed or the just that some kind humans do. People true colors really be coming out. Well get the fuck outta my face with that ish. I’m glad the living room will be semi back to it’s normal use Friday. We Will see.

You know what?

I told myself, it’s okay to say no or tell someone no.

I have honored that but it seems my motivation for no goes downhill depending on each individual instead of the situation. And my mood does play a huge part into my no saying also.

Don’t you just highly dislike when someone lowers down the window right when you get in the lyft/Uber car when you smelling all fresh to death in your bath and body works cucumber and melon lotion and spray?

I always look for this...

Driver “hey can I lower the window for some air?”

Passenger “sure, I don’t mind.”

But it goes like this....

Passenger gets in vehicle

Driver “are you CeeCee?”

Passenger “yes that’s me. Are you Santiago?”

Driver “yes”

Passenger “okay” proceeds to click seatbelt in

Sound “sound of window rolling down quickly”

Passenger *thinks aww shit, I SMELL GOOD! 😏

Oh dear Warriors!

#webelieve

#westillbelieve

This new rebirth of a squad is to be reckoned with.

Everyone will just see.

Reminds me of 2000’s squads.

Young!

Hungry!

Passionate!

Willing!

Learning!

Let GO!!!!

Oh dear WARRIORS!!!

This is me at thirty. 30!

Woah thirty!!! It’s me!!! 👋

I have arrived.

I am here.

Am I ready?

So much to do before fourty. 40.

It seems like time flies by as you get older.

As I embark on this journey, I want to unfoolishly (is that even a word?) make a impact on others.

Why should I put others before me?

(Geez lady, don’t be a narc)

Let me rephrase...

As I encounter this new found year of life, let me be of service to others in the greatest way possible and also let’s make sure people don’t test my patience.

Remember your patience is still on 💯.

Signing off, CeeCee.