the cosmic wave of rpf

Charles, getting activated by the phrase like the winter soldier: I’m so horny right now you have to give me a sedative

Carlos: did anyone feel a spectral chill pass over us

"Charles," Carlos hisses, feeling all the nerves in his teeth, "you're fucking married!"

"What?" Charles seems baffled by this, "I have been with her the whole time, have you just noticed?"

"Yes," like explaining to a child, "but you were not married."

"What difference does that make?"

"Of course it makes a difference, are you stupid? Why even get married if it is the same thing."

"Is that why you won't do it?"

"Go fuck yourself," but it is, of course, the reason.

--

The last time they slept together was right before Charles told him. They were in a hotel together and Carlos was imagining Charles in his house. It had happened enough times that Charles almost could have come to his house. Charles, pointy, solid Charles, in with all the things Carlos's women have furnished his apartment with. He'd touch everything, or look at nothing, depending on the mood he was in. They'd been threatening to have dinner for years. Carlos was contemplating making good on it when Charles, emerging from the shower, said "I have proposed."

"To get married?" Carlos asked, which was a stupid question, but all the fibres of his body were twisting around themselves and he wanted it clarified. He also wanted another minute to decide what he was going to say.

"No, to make another ice cream flavour. Of course to get married."

Carlos tried to make eye contact with him but he kept his gaze on the carpet.He didn't give a fuck, wouldn't look at Carlos for anything, pulling his jeans back on. Maybe it was a mercy, so they could both pretend Charles couldn't see it bothering him. Watching him dress was painful so Carlos stared out the window. The Mediterranean was glimmering, the azure waters Charles grew up on.

"Ok. Do you want my permission or what, mate?"

Charles swallowed. The bob of his throat brought Carlos back, reminded him of the feel of the inside of his mouth.

"Alright, Carlos. I thought you would want to know."

Carlos pictured her, how she probably cried. Or would she have cried? Out of relief, maybe. When Carlos proposed his girl would not cry. When he proposed he'd do it properly, anyway, like Charles doubtless hadn't. Carlos never brings it up but Charles is tasteless. Worse because he doesn't know it. If Carlos told him he'd go all wounded and say something irrecoverable, something Carlos hasn't noticed yet about himself in turn.

"Ok, now I know. Get out of my room."

Charles rolled his eyes. Usually they'd have kissed here. Carlos still wanted to. Instead he watched Charles hesitate for a moment and leave, hair still damp.

--