“ i am literally going to fight everyone right now. “ “ wrap yourself in a condom of safety. “ “ watch out for aliens and lions. they run rampant in public bathrooms. “ “ shots fired from the d. “ “ you literally sicken me. if there was someone who sickens me, it’s you. you make me sick. get away from me you cretin. “ “ i am the saltine cracker of love. “ “ he showed me a dead bird, and i got sad so i wanted you to see the dead bird too. “ “ you fucking crying bro? you being a nerd– oh you’re not. okay. false alarm. “ “ i am a burrito filled with anxiety. “ “ drive me to throw rocks at the sun. “ “ how do you feel about sea lions? “ “ duuuuude, what do you think it would be like to be a cactus. “ “ what the fuck is math? take it away. “ “ i am allergic to you specifically. “ “ it’s broken? well poke a lot of eye holes in the curtain and we can just stare at the audience screaming for like three hours. we’ll call it live art. “ “ get the fuck away from me you, extra long tadpole. “ “ you’re what a flat tire would act like if it were a person. “ “ we can be pirates! “ “ sorry, i can’t do that. i’m busy being an opium pirate. “ “ marry me for the tax benefits, bro. “ “ oh no. everyone stop what they are doing. get the camera. i’m going to reproduce asexually. my spawn is budding off of me. capture the birth. “ “ i have been to the nurse six times in five days, fight me. “ “ towels make me uncomfortable. it’s like rubbing carpet on your body. “ “ do these pomegranate seeds smell like bourbon to you? “

“You haven’t slept for days, have you?” “Are you eating properly? You don’t look it.” “Why do you keep stumbling over your words? Just how tired are you?” “You need to think about yourself every once in a while.” “I know your work is important, but you’re going to end up in hospital if you go on like this!” “You haven’t even touched your food. What’s going on?” “You look so… empty. I’m worried for you, please talk to me.” “Are you alright in there? You’re so quiet.” “How did you get these bruises? Please don’t lie to me.” “There’s something bothering you that you’re not telling me and I can see it slowly destroying you. What happened?” “You’re sleep deprived and you haven’t been eating. Why do you think you’re feeling dizzy?” “I can give you some pills to help you sleep. They aren’t healthy, but this is even less healthy.” “If you didn’t just blink I would’ve sworn you were dead, that’s how sickly you’re looking. Go to bed, please!” “Have you drank all of these bottles in one weekend?!” “I know you don’t want this, but it’s for your own good. Sign the papers so they can pick you up tomorrow and you can get clean.” “What the hell are you doing?! Did you do that to yourself?!” “When was the last time you left the house? Or opened the curtains for that matter.” “Here, just keep breathing. It’ll be okay. Better out than in…” “This can’t go on like this! You’re not eating, you’re not sleeping, you barely talk!” “I’m sorry. I went through your room and found this. Explain what the hell this is doing in your room!” “I thought you’d quit! How long have you been lying to me?” “I’m only trying to help and right now I think I have a much better idea of what you need than you do.” “Did you take anything? Why are you passing out? Hey! Stay with me!”