fate reminded me I'm Ray Palmer

has she ever laughed much?  if so, maeve doesn't remember that time of her life. she was a quiet child who became a quiet adult, she simply learnt the skill of faking it as needed earlier than most did. but her laugh is low and honest at his babbling - at how he slips and falls in the mess of own unintended remark. she makes a point of glancing at her hands, giving soft hum as if considering something before she actually lets the topic move forward. "my adoptive father is a history teacher. I've probably seen more documentaries than I can begin to excuse." but it'd been nice. that quiet time alone when she couldn't sleep, when he'd let her sit up with him watching obscure channels and obscure documentaries on events most people had long since forgotten. "he had a soft spot for james bond, but I never really got into spy things. I prefer a mystery."

He appreciates the fact that she doesn't linger on his unintentional innuendo besides looking down at her hands. Ray's gaze follows hers and he quickly averts it, because no, he is not going there. One gaffe is enough. Her laughter makes it worth it, but it is quick enough from laughter to annoyance, he's learned. "The thing I enjoyed the most about James Bond were the gadgets." Grin on his face, he looks at her. "To no surprise, I'm sure. I spent a lot of time trying to recreate some of them."

ray is familiar with the place and that's good. that's fantastic, actually. he isn't looking to try anything new right now - if only because he's already faced enough disappointment over the last few weeks. he's not sure he can manage much more. "alright, awesome. do you wanna walk or do you want me to, uh, flash us there?" brows wiggled in a comical manner, trying to keep the mood as light as possible.

"you know, i don't think you've ever, uh, flashed -" ray shakes his head immediately. "no, that sounds wrong." there's a bit of a self-conscious laugh as he rubs the back of his neck. "yeah, i think it'd be fun to be run there. if you don't mind." he's curious about how it feels, if he's honest.

"Chas is the cook but I supposed you're right." He could keep himself alive but he'd never had that same ability that Chas did when it came to cooking. Or baking. Eyes narrowed for just a moment as he surveyed Ray, trying to decide how to answer that. It wasn't the first time he'd been asked that over the years. "Anyone can learn. It helps to be open to the concept of the mystical but there's a cost. All magic comes with a cost."

"So does science," he counters back, but it's half-hearted at most. Ray's pretty sure he knows why John's warning him, and he appreciates it. He's not asking because he wants to do magic. As open as he is to the concept of it, he knows himself well enough to know it won't go well if it goes at all. He's just - curious. Asking about magic means he has an excuse to spend time with John. "Does the cost depend on what sort of magic you're doing or is it just -" He shrugs, makes a face as if trying to find a word. "- a roulette?"

that might be the one true problem. she doesn't ever really know when to stop. she's always been the kind of person to get fully into something without ever really stopping to think about the consequences. lips press together and she sighs quietly, giving his hand a soft squeeze. "i might need you." there's a pause. contemplating her words. head shakes. "no, i will need you. to keep me above water. to hold me accountable. otherwise i will burn the candle at both ends and in a month, i'll be wrapped up in depression blankets."

"then i'll be here." he doesn't hesitate. doesn't stop to think about it, to weigh the costs. nothing of that sort. delanie says she'll need him, and ray makes a promise he intends to keep. "you need me to remind you to take a break? i'm your guy. you need me to remind you every time you choose to do something good matters even if you can't see the results? i'm your guy. you need me to just sit here with you? i'm your guy." he squeezes her hand again, both of his pretty much engulfing hers. "whatever you need, delanie, i'll be here."

cheeks suck in slightly and then puff out as barry breathes, reminding himself that yes, it's okay to take breaks sometimes. he's allowed to have moments of reprieve, it's okay to take a minute. he beams from ear to ear and nods his head quickly. "big belly burger is always a good choice." he smiles. "you familiar with that place or do you wanna go somewhere else?"

it's something but it's not exactly medal worthy. there was a lot more that she could be doing to help people, she could be doing and giving so much more. so why wasn't she? that would certainly turn the odds back into her favor, people would actually like to be around her then. it was a constant fight within herself, against her demons. she squeezes at his hand again and sighs softly. "i should be doing more. i should be doing so much more."

his hold on her hand is tight, if only so that she focuses on him and not whatever's dragging her down. ray knows touch helps him from spiraling. he's hoping it'll help delanie too. "maybe." he nods lightly and then shrugs. "so do more." there's a faint smile on his face. not challenging, merely present. "see what you can do, see what you want to do to help. and do it." he leans forward a bit. "you don't have to burn yourself out, you don't have to give up all the parts of yourself, but if you think you can do more, delanie -" ray brings his other hand to cover their already joined hands. "then do more."

as soon as ray seemingly settles down, jordan lifts a hand to gently rest on the nape of ray's neck. thumb rubs gently across the skin and his cheek presses against the fluff of hair, breathing in slowly. he's much more used to being the protector, the caregiver, the one that provides the comfort. it's usually where he thrives. this is who he is, as a person. he cares so much more than he probably should. "i know. it sucks but there really isn't anything we can do about it now. you just have to... come to terms with it. it takes a while but you'll be better for it." he murmurs, smoothing a hand up and down ray's back. "are you going to therapy or anything?"

he shudders under jordan's touch. it's soft and gentle and comforting in a way ray craves. he wants to burrow into jordan's hold, but he knows himself. if he starts seeking it now, he won't ever stop. and then he'll be too much for someone all over again. so ray holds himself very still, eyes screwed tightly shut. he'll take what's being offered today, and then tomorrow, he'll sew himself back up and find bright smiles and the usual air that keeps people from looking too closely. "mhmm." he nods against jordan's shoulder. "should probably make an appointment." it's been a while what with the legally dead thing, and it's not like he can tell his therapist about his new side job.

he reaches out for her hand and of course, she allows it. any degree of human touch was enough for her. it made her body set alight with pure joy. it was certainly preferred to being punched, that much was clear. she exhales softly, meeting his eyes with a sympathetic smile. he's definitely more idealistic than she is and she appreciates having someone in the room that isn't all doom and gloom. "yeah, okay. i guess. it's better than nothing."

the smile that comes to his lips might be small, but it is deep that laugh lines crinkle his eyes. ray squeezes delanie's hand softly and does not let go. "exactly." it doesn't take away what she's done before, whatever it may be but - "it's not nothing. you're doing something good going forward. that means something. to the people you help. to yourself."