Dis Is Me

Please, don’t make it end

I fucking hate what my life is now. You abandoned me, and now I’m alone. You’re happy and I’m not. It’s weird. I hate you with such a passion inside me, yet I’d take you back in a heartbeat because I’m still in love with you. I miss you, but I wish I had never met you. I want to see what you’re up to, but when I look through your Twitter I cry for hours on end and throw up, so I’ve stopped. I’ve stopped eating much too. I’m down 15 pounds, the first time I’ve lost weight in my life. I don’t really have friends, and the ones I do have are distant. I’m alone, all the time. I haven’t met anyone new, crush or friend. College has sucked me into a pit of depression worse than any I’ve faced yet, and you pushed me into that pit. You dug the hole and pushed me in and spit on my face as I fell when you started dating him after assuring me for years that you and him were nothing. I don’t believe the things you tell me, and that makes it all the worse. I have breakdowns almost daily, skipping and leaving classes left and right. I pretend I’m okay just so my parents don’t institutionalize me. I’ve been secretly going to therapy, but it does nothing. I’ve contemplated suicide more times than I can count, I’m numb to it. I’m numb to life. Things I used to love, music, reading the news, playing with my dogs, playing overwatch, I hardly do those things as much as I used to. I mostly lay in bed, waiting for time to go by, wishing I could reverse it. Wishing I had you again and wishing I was happy again. Even as I lay here crying, shaking so much it’s near impossible to write this, I still wish I had you again. I want you back JoJo. Forever and always.