It's bedtime, bro

cop pulls me over little does he know my drivers license is written in elf hieroglyphics & blinds anyone who reads it

the dad kept buying it tho. #ally

My hoes care about me.

Just found out the guy I've been fighting with via email over whether a matter is legal or finance's responsibility is the SAME GUY I've been chatting with in the halls. Oh my fucking god. I'd literally send him an email basically being like, you are incompetent and you are actively trying to evade responsibility, and then FOUR MINUTES later see him in the halls and go "Heyyyy bitch omg how's your wife, how did the vet trip go, when are you going to come to lunch with us on Thursdays omg stop avoiding us" he must think I'm CRAZY

Call me old fashioned, but I think the president saying "a whole civilization will die tonight" is the part where he should be deposed immediately.

hey its me your doctor. idgaf