﹫⌒ᝰ۝ꪆ⊹.ᐟ

spiraling sucks

i realize even more unstable than i was months ago due to paranoia and don't really have actual friends anymore that I trust due to all of the drama and bullshit that's happened over the course of 2 years consecutively

and if i get attached to new people i start uncontrollably isolating myself anyway, so what's the point of keeping anyone around when I barely care for people or feel empathy anymore

what makes this month worse is my birthday is very soon and my dad is dead and won't see me turn 18. and everyone I knew from the year prior is a fucking insane and ruined my mental state literally just out of spite and fun because i wanted space from them all. and now, im fucked forever and ever and I'm at an even higher risk so that's super fun

I haven't been peacefully happy for forever and i'll be way happier dead like I was always ment to be, even if it's going to be awful fighting against my own mind and body to do it because I'm a sad little runt

whatever. I just want to see my dad again. I just want to be happy with my friends again. I want to stop feeling this way and be normal again

if there is a god I hope he will make me normal in my next life