please please please remember that no matter what your manager says, it is never that serious. unless you are literally performing surgery or defusing a bomb, it simply is not that serious

I tell anyone who works under me “we’re not saving lives” any time they get too anxious about their work. There are so many jobs that you literally cannot mess up in a way that actually matters.

I am the naked window neighbor and I won’t apologize

(backseating you at the mortar and pestle) man you aint even squarshing it

masturbation is evil not for any puritan anti-fun reason but because it has permanently claimed so many verbs

nobody can crank anything anymore. and god forbid you jerk

that shit doesn't fit bro. it sticks out like a sword thumb. it's like a scared pig in a round hole

actually very very grateful for the online slash long distance friendships and connections ive made on this hellsite and i don’t think i say that enough but!!!!!!!! i love you all so so much besties in my phone