C

You’re not a man… but worst of all you’re not even a muppet.

Was talking to my friend about how Dan and Phil finally confirmed they were together with my friends and one of them went “don’t they explore haunted houses? That’s them right?” She thought Dan and Phill were Shane and Ryan. And honestly they are the straight Dan and Phill… I can see it.

I’m now going to be treating my dating life like when congress overrides a presidential veto. If I decide to go on a date w a guy and 2/3’s of the senate (my friend group) says no after he’s already done 1 thing wrong… my veto is overruled and so is the possibility for a relationship

Just set a boundary! Had to repeat affirmations because I was so incredibly anxious despite the fact IM the one who was done dirty

Now that the Muppet Show revival has been announced imma just say it… idk if yall will be able to handle the level of cunt that will be served by Miss Piggy AND Sabrina Carpenter

Nobody is safe from the obscene amount of niche fun facts I have locked away in my brain now that the muppet show revival has been announced

What the fuck is in the air rn. Why are all my friends falling in love. Everyone is coupling up. I feel like I’m on love island and I’m up for elimination cause the huzz don’t want me

I hate the stereotypes around female formula 1 fans. Like God forbid a girl understand and enjoy a sport WHILE ALSO thinking Charles Leclerc is one of the hottest men I’ve ever seen. We can do both I promise!

I can’t stop quoting the Smurf poster anytime someone brings up Smurfs. Every time it’s mentioned without fail I hit em with the “Did you know Rihanna IS smurfette”. The look you get is worth it every time trust.

I’ve never seen a Smurfs movie poster that had any other phrase besides “Rihanna is smurfette” and I like to think that IS the tagline.

If you thought Kendrick’s level of hater was inspiring… WAIT till you see the new Superman

At my school we have a class where u teach at a local elementary as your first period. And my second graders have just decided im teaching 3rd grade next year. They refuse to accept that I’ll be in second grade again next year. Apparently they’ve made my choice for me 😭😭

Bro I hate talking to introverted men. Like you just gotta keep trying until you figure out if they hate u or have anxiety. It’s a constant guessing game

Why did we stop talking about gargoyles. Bring them back.