OBSCURETOASTER

do NOT offer me a big spoon if you see me with a small one. i know what im fuckin doing

can i offer a smaller spoon?

absolutely! finally, someone with some sense around here

is there a reason for this? like is this part of a strike or something im not aware of? 

Ralph, pick a number between 1 and 10

four of course because it’s my lucky number

Good cause that’s your IQ

sometimes you jus gotta 🍞🥖🥐🥞🍞🥖🥐🥞🥖🍞🥐🥞🍮🥖🍞🥞🍮🥐🍞🥖🍮🍯🥐🍞🥖🥞🥐🍯🥖🍞🍮🥞🍯🥐🥖

if shes your girl then why is she using me as ritual sacrifice

would anyone like a vaguely romantic letter sent to them in which i talk dramatically about the mid-autumnal leaves for 3 pages and then remember at the end to squash in an enquiry about how you are (lavender sprig included)

i give the bouncer my special id which only says “i make jokes on the internet” and he picks me up by my feet and swings me into speeding traffic

i walk up to the same bouncer and show him my special id which says “minecraft youtuber” and he dips me low and kisses me so sweetly

Oh to be moss…….soggy and living on an old log…………………

concept: a fantasy cowboy who rides a dragon instead of a horse

dragon riders are actually just fantasy cowboys you heard it here first

H… howdy train your dragon

do you just want the password to my blog while you’re at it with these god tier takes

so, you could say he’s got…… UNTIL DAWN????