Aries: Try imitating that Finding Nemo volcano chant the next time you do the sex and tell me how it goes

Taurus: Midwestern people are somehow both way too friendly and way too racist and maybe this is why I want to move

Gemini: Every single conversation I have with you two just ends in us quoting dead vines I think we need to stop hanging out with each other

Cancer: The day where I have a nightmare about the Babadook has finally come

Leo: Cars themed horror movie idea: Vroom vroom welcome to your doom

Virgo: High speed milk makes the bones strong

Libra: So I started my period on New Years Eve once so technically I was on my period for two years

Scorpio: Cosmo Tip #1045: Begin muttering an exorcism during sex and what your partner does next will surprise you

Sagittarius: We’re watching the BBC Sherlock in my English class and it’s just giving me an excuse to talk about my gay ships

Capricorn: *At Red Lobster* *Sees someone eating a crab dish* Ooh Mr. Krabs isn’t feeling it now, is he? Oof Spongebob, I don’t feel so good… *proceeds to cackle to myself quietly*

Aquarius: So would a conversation between the Lorax and Groot go something like “I am Groot” “I am the Lorax and I am speaking to the tree”

The very definition of staying in your lane.