I hope I'm not my only friend

at my funeral: *everyone is sitting in their seats when all of a sudden “i like to move it” by king julian blasts through the speakers and all of a sudden my lifeless corpse is dropped down by strings like a puppet and it just starts dancing*

everyone in these notes saying the songs not by king julian can die with me too

oh my god i just killed it in the mcdonalds drive thru

she heard my order exactly, i didn’t stutter, no uhhhh from me. clean, normal human interaction, just a fluid conversation. so cool

This is wonderful!

this is a great way to deal with haters

This is lovely ☺️

“please, daddy, i want some more”

not only do i want this post deleted, but i want the entire channel of NBC deleted right this minute

how u have batman money and no robot leg

he likes the cane because it makes people underestimate him and also he can beat the shit out of people with it

no seriously that’s literally the reason in canon

Now THIS is art.

Have I reblogged this before. I don’t care, How absolutely amazing this is. 

IT JUST GOT BETTER

No offense to Oprah, but people work their entire lives to build a resume and set of skills in public service. Billionaire celebrities, no matter how much I like them, shouldn’t get to leap over all that effort and experience. It’s a hard job, the hardest job in the world if you’re doing it right, it requires experience.

Let’s please stamp out the idea of no-experience celebrity politicians before it attempts an ugly trend. It says so much about our media-fucked politically-out-of-touch population.

the ‘big three’ of coping mechanisms are jerking off, fucking up your hair, and playing your favorite music real loud