sputnik sweetheart

I can make smoothies and fruit juice with you forever, meditate by your side, cuddle with you on the grass, watch cartoons while we pig out on Japanese food. I can stand those pillow fights and you scaring me half to death with that crossbow of yours. I will never not love tracing the salty areas of your neck with my tongue and having you kiss my thighs. But most of all I could never get tired of the passion behind your crushing embrace and hungry mouth. And the way your hair looks when you wake.

That moment when he strokes your hair, moving it from your face and for the first time, kisses you when you least expected it. 

So this is what it feels like to be so in love with another person and I've finally experienced it today. Lying on the grass wrapped in his arms and with our hands intertwined, I couldn't believe what fate has brought us together. The feeling I had when I was with him was so overwhelming, I almost wept. I love him. There, I said it. I am madly in love with someone I just met five days ago. He shot an arrow through my heart and now I'm a complete mess.

I finally gained the strength to confront his gf and tell him everything that happened between us. And honestly, it put my mind at peace like nothing I've ever done. Finally after five months of this BS, it feels like I'm actually letting go and even though, I am obviously scorned by him nonetheless, at least I made a new possible friendship. It's weird how things can turn out, that you can actually be friends with the guy's gf who he cheated on to be with you. Very strange.. but something lost, something gained. If you don't try to be good and honest with others, how can you expect to be truly at peace?

Nothing like rounds of pool with a deliciously hot man and a millionaire CEO to get your mind off everything in general. 

Have to write a 7-page law paper and plan a brunch for my sorority alumnae. No big deal. 

Brother: "I had a dream you still got your headache and then you died." … Accurate because now I really do feel like I'm dying. I'm so weak and numb all over and my head won't stop pounding. Can't even open my mouth either cause it hurts. Ugh only I would get terribly ill during midterms.

Life is rough and shows absolutely no mercy in what it throws at you. But what can you do about it except to whack it back like a motherfucker and remain strong and happy? There are times when I used to lock myself in my room, overanalyze the things that have happened to me throughout the day, feel depressed about what I did/didn't do, and then do something self-destructive like taking out my anger on my mom or ignoring the people that care about me and going to the people that don't, thus perpetuating a whole cycle of sadness that never really seems to go away. All I can say is that I've "grown up" in a such a short amount of time and although I should be retaining hard feelings for certain people, I don't feel that way anymore. I've learned to embrace the positive qualities of people instead of diverting my attention to their bad ones. I've learned to keep myself so occupied that I haven't had a mental breakdown in months. I've learned to truly value the meaning of family and good friends and probably most importantly, I'm slowly learning to love myself, love myself for the better person I'm becoming. I guess it just took me a while to be able to take a long hard look back at things and be like "hey, you're doing it all wrong!" but nonetheless, I'm grateful for the lessons I've learned since starting college. The consequences of my mistakes have hurt me so much to the point that they've left me feeling like a worthless, empty shell. They don't hurt as much anymore; though I'm occasionally haunted by them, mostly when I'm alone with my thoughts at home or the library. But the pain is quickly dissolving. At least now I can quickly extinguish these self-degrading thoughts when they come to mind. At least now I can smile once again and learn to cherish those close to me the way I've never done before. That, I can thank for. After all, there will always still be some rainy days, but are you going to let them take away the sunshine that is you? 

Busy... so damn busy. Never been so busy in my entire life. Literally sleeping 3-5 hours a day and hulling an XL cup of coffee to every class. This is the price to pay for maintaining a social life and excellent grades.

LOL my little brother and his friends just got arrested for shoplifting at Whole Foods. And also banned for life. I'm gonna go and buy stuff at Whole Foods just to rub it in his face for being an idiot :3