Gary's

dick n dami yotsuba panel redraw bc i quite simply couldn’t resist

(og under the cut)

Pa Kent: Good morning Alfred. Are you busy today? Ma and I are in Gotham for that fancy art gallery Clark is writing about. Did you have some time to meet us for lunch before the event?

Alfred: Oh, sorry, Pa, unfortunately, I have my hands full with the latest shenanigans of the children.

Pa: Oh? What happened?

Alfred: Master Dick, has discovered he is a father.

Pa shocked: Dick has kids?

Alfred: Yes, we believe they're from the same place as Mister Bart Allen.

Pa: Oh. That makes sense. How is Dick handling everything?

Alfred: Very well. He's ecstatic to be a father. It's his children who are....reluctant.

Pa: What do you mean?

Alfred: Hold on. Let me send you a picture of the children when Master Dick told them he was thier father.

Danny/Dan/Dani:

Pa: Well....they certainly resemble Dick. He looked the same when I asked him to help me birth a calf. How old are they?

Alfred: Master Dan is the oldest; he's twelve. Master Daniel is the middle one at ten, and Miss Danielle is the youngest at eight. They're sweet children, but they do not seem interested in being brought into the Waynes' home. They've negotiated with Master Bruce to get them rooms at the most expensive hotel in Gotham, in exchange for not running away. It took us months to even corner them.

Pa: Wow that sounds so stressful. I understand that your busy we could reschedule-

Ma taking the phone: Alfred, let Dick handle his kids. You deserve a day off. Join us for lunch, wine and dine at the art gallery with us and if the night goes well, let us get you naked between us.

Pa scandalized in the background: That's too forward!

Alfred: What time and where are we doing lunch?

Bruce sitting across from Alfred and overheard everything: Now Clark will know the pain of the butler dating one's parents. Let's see him laugh now. I hope he suffers.