꒾ KISS OR KILL ꒾

“You don’t need pants!”

“A mayonnaise and banana sandwich? Really?”

“Are you actually going to eat that?”

“Flipping flapjacks and flying ferrets!”

“There’s a fly in the orange juice!”

“What do you mean there isn’t any cornbread?!”

“It was a very unpleasant experience that involved licking a squirrel in a hole and honestly you wouldn’t understand.”

“What do you mean you haven’t bathed in spaghetti before? How can you even say you’ve LIVED?!”

“You just slapped me with a noodle!”

“It’s a happy noodle! It’s supposed to make you happy! It must be broken.”

“For this, we need to find a happy fish!”

“Go on, admit it, a cheese excites you, we all know!” 

“Can you help me? I’ve lost my potato.”

“My potato ran away! Quick! Help me catch it!”

“What do you mean it ate the air conditioner?!”

“The vacuum cleaner bit me!”

“A river a thousand paces wide is nonsensical, much like me.”

“I have never washed clothes.”

“Why didn’t you tell me the washing machine was on fire?!”

“Wait, why IS the washing machine on fire?”

“Cultured frogs? What are cultured frogs?”

1) Her hair is completely wrong for the 40’s. No professional/working woman  would have her hair loose like that. Since they’re trying to pass this off as a military hospital, Steve would know that she would at least have her hair carefully pulled back, if maybe not in the elaborate coiffures that would have been popular.

2) Her tie? Too wide, too long. That’s a man’s tie, not a woman’s. They did, however, get the knot correct as far as I can see - that looks like a Windsor.

3) That. Bra. There is so much clashing between that bra and what Steve would expect (remember, he worked with a bunch of women for a long time) that it has to be intentional. She’s wearing a foam cup, which would have been unheard of back then. It’s also an exceptionally old or ill-fitting bra - why else can you see the tops of the cups? No woman would have been caught dead with misbehaving lingerie like that back then, and the soft satin cups of 40’s lingerie made it nearly impossible anyway. Her breasts are also sitting at a much lower angle than would be acceptable in the 40’s.

There’s no knowing what kind of condition Steve’s in, or what kind of person he really is, after decades of nostalgia blur the reality and the long years in the ice (after a plane crash and a shitload of radiation) do their work. (Pre-crash Steve is in lots of files, I’m sure. Nick Fury does not trust files.) So Fury instructs his people to build a stage, and makes sure that the right people put up some of the wrong cues.

Maybe the real Steve’s a dick, or just an above-average jock; maybe he had a knack for hanging out with real talent. Maybe he hit his head too hard on the landing and he’s not gonna be Captain anymore. On the flipside, if he really is smart, then putting him in a standard, modern hospital room and telling him the truth is going to have him clamming up and refusing to believe a goddamn thing he hears for a really long time.

The real question here is, how long it does it take for the man, the myth, the legend to notice? What does he do about it? How long does he wait to get his bearings, confirm his suspicions, and gather information before attempting busting out?

Just a little reminder of what’s to come this year. ;D

Happy New Year!

“New Year’s is always the year’s biggest letdown.”

“So, what are your resolutions?”

“I swear, if I have to hear ‘Auld Lang Syne’ one more time…”

“Hey, sorry, it took me forever to find a place where my cell could get a signal… happy new year’s from [location].”

“What have you accomplished this year?”

“This year sucked. Good riddance.”

“Let’s hope this year goes better than the last one…”

“There’s a party at [name]’s house. You coming?”

“We’re headed to Times Square to watch the ball drop. You can tag along if you want.”

“Hey, last year of [politician your character doesn’t like]!”

“Just think of all the video games and movies that are being released this year…”

“No champagne for me. Designated driver.”

“Giving up chocolate for new year’s? I give it a week.”

“We’ve had a big year.”

“I plan to hit five parties before midnight.”

“3… 2… 1! HAPPY NEW YEAR!”

“Want a party hat?”

“Champagne?”

“Three biggest moments from this year?”

“It’s nearly midnight… have you seen my date?”

“Ah, yes, it’s almost midnight, which no one is going to kiss me at.”

“This time last year, I was living in a motel. This is definitely an improvement.”

“I’ve heard ‘Auld Lang Syne’ six times tonight and it’s only 11:30.”

“And to think, this time last year I was dating you.”

“I need someone to kiss at midnight. You up to it?”

“I need your help. I want to kiss [name] at midnight, and I need you to help me make it happen.”

“It’s New Year’s. Aren’t we supposed to be making out?”

“Oh, God, my ex is here. Pass the champagne.”

“Look, I know you’d rather be in bed, but could you at least pretend to be excited?”

“A toast to my amazing friends, and to the new year!”

“I should’ve been in bed two hours ago.”

“Are you sure [name] is up to stay awake until midnight? I mean, s/he’s only [age]…”

“Psst. Hey. Hey, wake up. It’s midnight. Make your resolutions.”

“I swear, if next New Year’s, we’re in the same place we are now, shoot me. Just do it. I’m serious. Just shoot me.”

“I remember when I’d get so excited for New Year’s…”

“Y'know, New Year’s sort of loses its punch when you stay up until 2 AM every night anyway…”

“I like to think we grew up this year.”

“No firecrackers this year. The neighbors complained.”

“I’m tipsy, covered in streamers, surrounded by hung over people, I have Auld Lang Syne stuck in my head, and I don’t know where my cell phone is. It is New Year’s.”

“You know, under the circumstances, I think this isn’t such a bad impromptu New Year’s party.”

“I can’t believe you gave our son/daughter champagne!”

“Come on, it’s New Year’s Eve, you can’t spend the whole party hiding in the bathroom!”

“How much longer?”

“Any good New Year’s specials on?”

“I’ve had a glass of champagne, I made my resolution, I watched the clock strike midnight. I’m going to bed.”

“You’re crazy. That place is always a zoo on New Year’s.”

“Just pick an outfit so we can go. I mean, it’s just a New Year’s party, it’s not a black-tie event.”

“We should probably get back to the party.”

“What are you doing out here on the roof? The party’s inside.”

“Snow on New Year’s! Wish it had bothered to show up for Christmas…”

“Where’s [name]? S/he’s my ride.”

“I rented a limo. We are arriving to that party in style.”

no idea

what you’re

talking about

“It just pop up on my phone, and there’s one you said quote on quote “The sex is better with me.” Is it?“