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May I present the best apple:

Step two: dig out stash of old seed catalogues saved for this purpose. Get super crabby because you can't find the Mod Podge anywhere. Give up, then have daughter find it immediately, in the "glue box" you forgot you created.

Step three: decide on a color scheme, and start cutting. I asked @phantomtheraccoon if we should coordinate or contrast and she cleverly said both.

Step four: collect your flowers and fiddle with layout.

Step five: paint item with Mod Podge, place your images, and paint them again. Leave to dry, which honestly doesn't take long.

Step six: trim edges add cut out holes. I didn't actually cut out the screw holes; I just cut little X's there for the screws to go through. Worked fine to put it up, we'll see someday how it survives taking it apart again.

Step seven: coat everything with Mod Podge at least one more time, paying special attention to edges. Dry elevated on something (say, the top of the Mod Podge bottle) so it doesn't stick down.

Step eight: okay, wow, that's awesomer than expected!

🎶whiiiiiiiite gluuuuuuuuue aaaaaand waaaaaaateeerrrrr and aaaaaaaaaastrobrights!🎵

So Michelangelo was commissioned to paint a wall commemorating the Battle of Cascina (what this is isn't important), but Michelangelo never did it, because fuck painting. He did draw a plan for it, but he chose a particularly Michelangelo scene to paint. He chose to commemorate the battle with an image of the soldiers startled while bathing in the river, thereby tempering his distaste for painting with his love of man butts.

This wasn't the only time he pulled this. He was later commissioned to paint an image of the Holy Family, but damned if he wasn't gonna put some naked guys in there.

Basically, Michelangelo really was the guy from this tweet:

[drumroll]

On that note when asked to make a sculpture of the risen Christ he …. Well let’s just say the loincloth is a later addition by another artist.

However! If you need to see Jesus naked for research you can apply at the Vatican and if they consider your need for naked Jesus valid the loincloth will be removed for your academic perusal.

Another dimension

mysterious stick appears out of thin air............