shiki // commission open!

One day post TLG, Harris has the Cens doing a video for social media, it’s a competition for who can keep a straight face while the others try to make them break with a smile or a laugh.

Towards the end, only Ilya remains. No one can break him, so they go get Shane. He’s got a little smile while they explain and he starts thinking of what to say. Of what he can say for a video going on the internet.

He hesitates, because he knows what he wants to tell Ilya, but keep it their secret. No one else needs to know what this was about, but he’s saved this tidbit, waiting to play it at the right time. Ilya’s steeling himself. He loves Shane and usually would smile with him just in the room, trying do be earnest about anything, but he won’t let his husband break him for this. Finally Shane makes direct eye contact with Ilya -

‘The first time, after the commercial,’

Ilya tenses, eyes light up but he’s keeping his face neutral. He isn’t sure what he thought Shane would say but it wasn’t this.

‘ while I was waiting for you -‘

‘I put on a suit and tie.’

Ilya has never been so happy to lose at something

Ilya Rozanov + love in (another) language

your creature of the dark

Ilya would sit his team down and be like: Boys. You know how the second greatest hockey player in the league fucks up our chances at the cup pretty regularly? Well what if I told you I’ve decided to take one for the team and solve this problem for us once and for all. That’s right, I’ve leveraged my incredible body and sex appeal to seduce Shane Hollander to Boston at an extreme pay cut, thus basically securing us every cup until the end of time. Now everyone be nice to this hot piece of ass I have secured for hockey reasons because I’m such a baller.

I think they would crown him a champion. I think they would be like “the gay thing is weird but we can’t argue with results and anyway Ilya’s fucked all the pussy from Boston to Montreal it makes sense he’s branched out. Boston would be like “we literally don’t care if they’re fucking on center ice if they’re winning cups they’re winning fucking cups”. Shane would do a joint dunks commercial with him and eventually become the people’s sweetheart. Maura Healey would personally petition for Ily to get citizenship.

I made this as a joke but the resemblance is actually uncanny. Those big wet eyes.

so shane has to post the photo himself to prove that no, boston captain ilya rozanov does not have any evidence or incriminating documents on shane hollander