⋯ 𝙖𝙗𝙨𝙞𝙣𝙩𝙝𝙚 !

DATE: 20190128 LOCATION: first floor, main headquarters TIME: 12:04

He sighs when his name is called, knowing very well what is going to happen after seeing his colleagues go and then come back with bothered expressions on their faces. He knows he’s going to be the next soon, and his name had never sounded gloomier like it did when those strangers called for him.

It’s past 3AM when he receives a third message from Yongjin, but Seojun is not bothered by it. A smile spreads on his lips after he reads the text and he gets up from his bed, puts on his shoes and wears a thick jacket, as well as his beanie and a scarf. He takes the empty bottles from the nightstand and takes them to the kitchen, but he sets them on the floor once he notices they’re not gonna fit into the trashcan.

After that, he makes his way towards the front door of his dorm, typing a new message to his friend. And yes, he’s not entirely sober as well, so picking Yongjinup from the location of the party could either go too well or too bad, once Seojun is walking to the place. He thought about taking his motorcycle, but he would never be able to drive it properly after all the alcohol he drank as well --- he probably wouldn’t handle the weight of the bike in that state.

SMS SENT TO : YONGJIN.sure, im on my waywait for me in front of the building, ok? i’ll be there in 20min

He sends the texts when he’s in the elevator, but puts his phone in his pocket as soon as he walks out of the small cubicle. He walks out of the building and sighs when he feels the cold breeze of winter hits his cheeks, his hands are stuffed into the jacket’s pockets and he walks quickly towards the location of the party. He knows it’s not too far from NIS, if he’s not wrong, it’s only 10 minutes away from the HQ, just like the dorms but in the opposite direction. 

It takes him a little bit less than the 20 minutes he told Yongjin to get there, once he was walking quite quickly because of the cold. He looks up at the building and he can the lights from where the party was happening, and he could hear his colleague agents’ loud voices. He sighs and looks at the building’s front door, waiting for Yongjin to show up.

Seojun is not sure what to do once his friend is out though, once he is also slightly drunk from all the soju he drank... But now that he stopped to think about it, his only option is to either call a taxi or take Yongjin to the dorms. It only depends on how drunk Yongjin is.

Alright, this time the frown that forms on Seojun’s forehead is more of discomfort and annoyance than anything else. He reads the text he just received, from an unknown sender, and scratches his head a few times. Who the hell would send him such a question? And why was that something relevant? Why him, among everyone else?

He doesn’t like this, he doesn’t like to even think of something like that. He’s learned a lot with Ahreum, she was a wonderful woman and taught him so much about the social differences between genders and how society is so unfair when it comes to women. She told him about all the issues with the over-sexualization of the female body, told him about how women are taught to see each other as competition, how men are taught to see women as submissive individuals and/or as objects, and many other things that Seojun had no knowledge of.

And he can’t stop thinking of everything she had told him when he reads the message, he knows she’d be very disappointed if he was willing to rank women like that. Which is why he refuses to answer that question, he refuses to be that type of man.

Not to mention all the trouble that a question like that could cause if it was published to the other agents, or even to the headmasters. He doesn’t want to be part of something like that, he doesn’t want to offend anyone.

Seojun is a man of many talents, like cooking, cutting his own hair and knocking someone out in the first punch, but of course he also had some talents that he just has no idea why they even exist. So Jihae’s question leaves him thinking of some of them --- why the hell would he know how to spin a pen on his hand so well, or how to juggle and how to draw a perfect circle? 

Those things were not useful at all, at least not like some of his other talents, like being able to recognize what time it is just by the position of the sun or the moon in the sky, or being ambidextrous

Ah, that question. He feels his chest tighten when he reads Minsik’s message, a question he’s been avoiding ever since the party was ‘announced’ among the agents. He sighs, rubs his forehead and like before, thinks of an excuse to use as an answer, but he fails to find one and Seojun isn’t the type of person that can lie easily. Even more to the people that work with him, the people he’s supposed to trust and keep close to him.

It takes him a couple seconds to start typing his response, and he takes a few more sips from his bottle of soju in between his words. As time passes, as more bottles are accumulated in his nightstand, more typos happen and it takes more time for Seojun to finally send a simple message --- and that’s why he goes through every text with attention, reads everything and corrects every mistake before pressing send. 

SMS SENT TO : MINSIK.ah, manvalentines day is not the day for me, you knowit makes me bitter.. more than i already ami dont have a reason to celebrate it, i would be everybody’s third wheeland i couldnt leave leon alone all night, he needed to be fed

He’s already on his fourth bottle when he receives Jaehwa’s message, and he can’t help the quiet chuckle that escapes from his lips when he reads it. He fights the urge to screenshot it and send it to Ara, so she can laugh with him about the silly question from the trainee. He shakes his head and takes a big sip from his bottle of soju, the smile doesn’t leave his lips as the types the response for that question. He can’t believe she even sent it, was the girl really that drunk?

SMS SENT TO : JAEHWA.you will gain some points with me if you give me a breakdont need to bring a doctor’s notei will be more than happy, thanks

And he sends the texts, shaking his head and chuckling at how he’s gonna have a break from the most difficult and annoying trainee he’s ever had. He’s all smiles now, excited for the next day of work now that he won’t have to deal with Jaehwa’s stubborn personality and annoying attitudes.

But he refuses to make it that easy for her.

He reads the next text from Yongjin and this one makes him smile. Memories from when he and the other male were close like brothers, almost. Their friendship was so strong and meaningful before the whole tragedy with Ahreum happened... Before Seojun closed himself up completely to anyone who’d ever attempt to get near him. Including Yongjin and other friends that he shouldn’t have pushed away. 

The smile on his lips soon turns into a sad grin, his eyes fall closed and he takes a deep breath before staring at the phone again. He remembers of the many times he’d brag about being good at playing darts, and later prove that he could beat everyone even if he was drunk enough to trip on his own feet. He had the experience, many years throwing knives at possible threats to their missions. His aim? Either forehead or neck, death was always his goal, as ordered.

His record, Yongjin asked?

He doesn’t remember what was his record when playing darts, he only knows he could go from 501 to 0 in just a few attempts. But he remembers clearly on this one specific mission... He had a few bruises here and there, a bleeding lip and maybe a black eye, but his knives were stained with the blood of at least eleven enemies, all stabbed in the neck.

SMS SENT TO : YONGJIN.idk, its been so long since i last played darts..i probably dont have the same performance anymore

Seojun sends the texts and thinks for a moment. Remembering of those nights spent with Yongjin and their friends, with Ahreum cheering for him as he drunkenly threw darts at a target and still managed to beat everyone else... He missed it. He missed the feeling of being surrounded by people he can trust in. He misses the jokes and the laughs, he misses the friendship he had with Yongjin.

He misses his best friend.

He regrets pushing Yongjin away like that.

Another text is received once he puts his phone away and Seojun sighs when he has to reach for the device again, the bottle he has in his hands is half empty already and he takes a big sip before reading the content of the message.

He frowns. Reads it again and this time with a bit more focus once his mind is already affected by the almost three bottles he’s already drank. But he’s not surprised by the explicit content of the text when he reads the sender. Ah, Juwon. 

Seojun sighs, runs his hand through his short hair and doesn’t waste time to respond to the message, his fingers tapping the screen frantically as he types.

He’s making his way into his small kitchen when he hears his phone ringing again, the second time that night and he’s still surprised by it --- he’s not used to receiving text messages so often, his phone is usually dead most of the time, either for lack of battery or just lack of online interactions. Truth be told, Seojun is not the biggest fan of cellphones: the one he has is only useful for him when he’s exercising, it’s when he uses it just to listen to some music and distract himself. But it seemed like his popularity had increased that night.

Seojun grabs another bottle of soju from his fridge before walking back to his bed. On his way he takes a look into Leon’s tank, checking on the little gecko to make sure he’s fine before he flops face down in his bed again. He takes a deep breath and pulls a pillow underneath his chest as he takes his phone from the nightstand again.

He opens the message and reads it as he opens the bottle in his hands, the content of the text brings a sad smile to his lips and he immediately takes a sip from the bottle, as if it’d make it easier to respond to the other man. His friend.

Not sure of what to say, he lays there with his thumbs hovering other the keyboard with hesitation. His mind wanders through many and many excuses, searching for the best and most convincing one, once he doesn’t want to sound like the bitter and slightly jealous man that he is. What would Yongjin think o him if he just said he can’t go to the party because it makes him upset? Because it makes him sad? It all sounds too childish for him, and he’s a whole grown up man now.

SMS SENT TO : YONGJIN.sorry, dude, i’m not going tonighti dont really feel comfortable celebrating valentines day, so im home drinking by myselfnot to mention i shouldn’t let leon alone all day and then all night, i had to feed himmaybe next time i will join you

He’s laying in bed when he hears his phone ring, there’s a second bottle of soju in his hand and Leon isn’t with him anymore. 

His mind wasn’t already the same when he decided to put the little reptile back in his tank, he didn’t want to cause any accidents by doing anything that could scare the animal and hurt him --- once leopard geckos can drop their tail if they feel threatened. Seojun does not want that to happen, and the chances are big once he’s already had one and a half bottle of alcohol. 

So now he’s in bed alone, his gaze still frozen on the ceiling when his thoughts are interrupted by the little sound of a new message on his phone. He takes a breath deep and rests the bottle next to an already empty one on the nightstand, he reaches for his phone and opens the text message. He blinks, a slight frown forms on his forehead and he wonders, what better time to respond a question like that than when he’s not fully sober? But at this point, he knows Ara herself might not be sober as well considering she’s probably at the valentine’s day party.

He sits up, leans his back on the headboard and takes another deep breath before he starts typing his response, with extra focus once his brain is not working at its fullest after almost two bottles of soju.

SMS SENT TO : ARA.why are you asking me that out of a sudden? how drunk are you already, ara?

He sends the first text, but he doesn’t expect her to text him back answering his question. He’s trying to make the situation a bit lighter, knowing that his next text might be a bit longer than expected.

SMS SENT TO : ARA.um.. you know, i have some good memories of when we tease and laugh at the trainees. but my favorite memory with youi dont wanna be overly emotional but at ahreum’s funeral, you gave me the most meaningful hug i had ever received--- this is cringey, right? but yeah, it felt so weird because i know you knew what i was feeling since the same had happened to you earlier. so it felt different from any other hug from any other person. like... you knew what i was going through, so it felt like that hug had so much more emotion and meaning that i remember ugly crying on your shoulder for probably like 5min. even though it felt like a whole hour. it was both comforting and heartbreakingbut im really thankful for that, it really meant a lot to me

Seojun really means what he says in the text, and the thought leaves him thinking for a moment. Ara was such a great friend before he left to join the army, he doesn’t find a reason to keep pushing her away like he’s been doing to most people --- even to the ones he considered his best friends. 

They didn’t deserve that.

DRINK UP, BABY, STAY UP ALL NIGHT Thursday, February 14th, 11:57AM --- Valentine’s Day.

As if he didn’t feel miserable enough, Seojun is also surprised by an email on his inbox: an invitation to a party that’s not being planned by the organization, but the employees instead. He’s confused when he reads it, not sure if they are allowed to do something like that, but he’s sure their superiors would have already done something if it was against the rules.