Noxiume

working with kids and one of them says “you know you eat 8 spiders a night on average right?” and another goes “no no no those statistics are actually skewed by people who like eat spiders recreationally for fun and stuff” and my head snapped up like a fucking sleeper agent

Having a job is an awesome way to stay hydrated because you get so bored you start drinking water just for a little excitement

can I get a job as an editor but the only thing I do is correct when someone uses the word "prone" when they mean "supine"

invented a new word today. its 'plagiarism'. im a genius i know

So I don’t play the sims super often so I didn’t know that evil sims can do an “evil workout” which seems to just be a normal workout except sometimes they pause to laugh maniacally.

My woke take, as someone who has worked in both a public library and a school library, is that we desperately need both more books that are at a higher reading level but a less mature subject matter, and more books that are at a lower reading level but a more mature subject matter, because 8 year olds who are advanced readers are still 8 year olds and don't want to read about graphic violence and torture, and teens and adults who have learning difficulties or who are just later readers for whatever reason are still teens and adults and don't want to read about Billy the Bunny going to school or whatever the hell.

jerking off is gay because you’re the same gender as yourself

Having your interests mocked as a kid and general low self esteem will have you insulting the things you like even when they're generally considered very good. Because you like it, and historically when you like something it's stupid and not worth anyone's time. So you will say nonsense like "I recommend this book/game/film, but it's okay if you hate it, it sucks, I really enjoyed it but that's because I'm an idiot" and you are recommending them the Citizen fucking Kane of that particular media type. And importantly: you need to stop doing this it is killing you

when a woman puts her everything into an outfit and her face is shiny like a disco ball and she layered her fav perfume with oil and then her bf puts on some shorts and a shirt like u better put on a fucking pink wig and lace panties im so mad at you rn

Jeff was right