Nox

You wouldn’t believe the truth about who you are; because everything you believe is what you want it to be.

Your head is quicksand and you sink into it. Now you’re misled with no way out. Your heart is distant, you throw yourself against the wall to feel anything at all. Your life’s a labyrinth of places you’ve never been. Follow one wall to the end. Your bed’s a prison, your spine is twisted up in knots. You toss and turn in all your thoughts. When your mind is unkind and you can’t reason with it, you pick sides and cut ties but you’re still losing. You’re coming up for breath, looking for a hand. You’re running down a path you don’t understand, and in this unforgiving world...Break your neck looking back to see what you had, but never face the facts, ‘cause they make you mad. Now you’re right back where you were. Don’t follow me, ‘cause I’ll lose my way again. Just fall away, ‘cause you’ll never know what could’ve been. Don’t follow me, ‘cause this road leads to an end. Just fall away, ‘cause you’ll end up back where you began. 

The more and more I think, the more and more I see. 

Every time you come around, you know I can’t stay no. Every time the sun goes down, I let you take control. I can feel the paradise, before my world implodes. Every pure intention ends when the good times start. Fallin’ over everything to reach the first time’s spark. I only know how to go too far. We took the long way ‘round, and burned ‘til the fun ran out, now...My bad habits lead to late nights ending alone. Conversations with a stranger I barely know. Swearin’ this’ll be the last time, but it probably won’t. I got nothin’ left to lose, or use, or do. My bad habits lead to wide eyes starin’ at space, and I know I lose control of the thigns that I say. Yeah, I was looking for a way out, now I can’t escape. My bad habits lead to you.

Breathe, cold, another bad dream. Got mud on my face but I can’t get clean. Feel, hope, but I rip at the seams if I can’t get you away from me. Taking showers every hour and I choke on steam. Writing on the mirrors and the space between. All so tall, it broke the fourth wall. Guess my fairy tale had a few plot holes. Breathe, cold, another bad dream (another bad dream, another bad dream).

Found you when your heart was broke. I filled your cup until it overflowed. Took it so far to keep you close. I was afraid to leave you on your own. I said I’d catch you if you fall, and if they laugh, then fuck ‘em all. And then I got you off your knees, put you right back on your feet, just so you could take advantage of me. Just running from the demons in your mind. Then I took yours and made ‘em mine. I didn’t notice ‘cause my love was blind. You don’t have to say just what you did. I already know. I had to go and find out from them. So tell me how’s it feel. Tell me how’s it feel sittin’ up there? I’m the one who put you up there, but I don’t know why.

I’m only whatever you make me, and you make me more and more a villain every day, but you don’t know, you reap, you sow. Whatever you give to me, from yourself, you take. Well, if you’re a hater, then hate the creator. It’s in your image I’m made. I lost all my faith and lost all hope that everything means anything at all. You liar, you don’t love me too. It’s easy for you after all. Losing you is easier than lying to myself that you love me.