My Irreconcilable Differences

I was raised completely detached from my matrilineally Jewish heritage. The only thing I know is that they were Eastern European Ashkenazim. My grandmother never talked about her family much because they were really terrible people. I feel like that bled into being ashamed to be Jewish. To the point that my mother identifies as just a white Evangelical... even going as far as getting a Southern Baptist Cross engraved on my grandmother's headstone. She and my sister only care about their Jewishness to play politics. My mom falls in line with whatever Trump is doing, and my sister is an antizionist tankie. I am the only one that cares about keeping our Jewish heritage alive.

I always so out of place and like an imposter. I never got to learn about being Jewish so I'm always playing catch up. Hebrew is, for some reason, more difficult for me to pick up than any other language I've learned. I don't think I will ever be able to come to the bimah and read the Torah on the High Holidays. I don't believe I'll ever hold a bar mitzvah for the same reason.

I don't own a tallis or a kippah. I feel like I don't deserve to. I don't know enough about being Jewish because it was taken from me without ever really knowing. I feel like everyone, especially here can tell that I don't know anything and that's why I feel so alone.

You deserve to feel comfortable in Judaism if you want to. You may need to take classes to catch up on the prayers and stuff but you can still do it.

My rabbi said, a Jew is a Jew is a Jew. It doesn't matter how long it's been or how disconnected you feel. You're still a Jew!.

but your baseline of "I dont know anything about Judaism and it was stolen from me before I ever had the opportunity to learn anything about my culture and ergo I cannot relate to other Jews"

is actually unfortunately.... a common Jewish baseline. Our culture has been decimated repeatedly, subjected to colonization, expulsion, violence, genocide, diaspora, conversion, assimilation, exile, etc etc.

Which means a much higher proportion of Jews have exactly these experiences, which means u are in good company! To the point that we have many words in our culture to describe Jews who later return to fuller observation or desire to learn more about their heritage.

Everyone in this world is just living their lives, each with their own complex needs and desires and interests and emotions. They all have hobbies and friends and families and favorite foods. They all have their own motivations and varying political opinions and views on their governments. They all weigh the risks of standing out or speaking up and they all make their own decisions about that.

They all fear the same in times of danger. They all feel grief and pain and terror the same. They all love and hate and bleed the same.

“yes but there’s a process to forgiveness”. Yes, and not everything exists on the forgiveness-vs-grudge axis. you don’t have to forgive someone to be patient or gracious with them. you don’t even have to like them.

and obviously, all of this should be within reason. our values should never be weaponized to harm us, and there are different levels of forgiveness or graciousness that are appropriate in different situations, both in regards to and regardless of the other party’s behavior.