It is easy to be, where my presence lacks opacity.

I am a woman now - no longer doll flesh, no longer a lolita so my blog name has lost meaning.

Noone cares.

I found this beautiful boy who thinks I'm beautiful too and it's almost overwhelming because soon we will have been together 5 years - but of course that means he too is no longer a boy and together we are adults in this awful world.

We are reaching the point where we grapple with the concept of welcoming in new life through my body or by taking in those without mothers.

I am scared to be a woman it was simple being a horrible girl but I do not want to be cruel any more.

So deliciously in love.

When I close my eyes.

I see your beautiful brown eyes,

looking deep into mine.

It no longer hurts to breathe.

The air is sweet and good.

Your hair falls around my face,

Black silk, swallowing me up.

I get lost in you,

Not crazy because I take the right pills,

You cannot let her wander the streets unsupervised unrestrained

Who knows what could happen

If let of her chain.

She'll bite if provoked

And should be put down

Mercifully we will keep her

Locked up in the pound.

She's hostile with women and vicious with men.

She paces her cell like a creature possessed.

We put nothing in there not even a bed if she had one she'd only tear it to shreds.

When she arrived she was all skin and bones

but we fattened her up with meat and potatoes

- the usual slop.

Her hair was all matted so we cut it all off.

Its hard to medicate her, takes six men to hold her,

face down on the linoleum floor.