((screaming))

You are microwave safe. You are dishwasher safe. You will not turn orange after one use. You will not deform under boiling water.

sometimes u read tumblr drama where u instantly know that no one involved is employed

alternatively: as employment is not inherently a moral value i will also add on: hobbyless

damn bitch get it together

Good for them fuck shit up ladies

me being strangled by someone who rightfully wants me dead: lmaooo i can't believe how bad u wanna fuck me

if i were a woman, i would tweet “ginger snapped so jennifer could body”, but i’m not a woman, and i don’t use twitter, and i haven’t seen jennifer’s body, and i don’t make a lot of money or have a car or look nice

and i don’t dress well or know how to tie any knots besides the regular one you tie your shoes with. my taste in music is lacking and i need a haircut

my friend asked me to pretend to be her boyfriend because her parents are homophobic af but they ended up hating me so much that they were glad when she said she was gay task failed successfully

my fav quote by freud is definitely the one where hes writing to his fiancee and hes like im gonna make you eat so much you are just a little weak baby and im a big cokehead