Not that Jaded

My boss, putting on white grease paint and a red wig: Oh, of course! Let’s do it quickly so that you’ll want to keep working with us since you’re going to be making business decisions!

Me: I would sell you to satan for one corn chip and I’m allergic to corn but before you do this maybe you should call someone who is actually on our contact list for our customer and see if they’ve ever heard of this stranger.

My boss, looking through a selection of shoes that honk when you walk: Oh, but she said that it was very important that none of the employees know what was happening because they’re making staffing changes.

Me: As your lawyer I recommend that you just call a single one of our contacts and see if they’ve ever heard of her name.

My boss, shoving all of our technicians into a VW beetle: You’re not my lawyer.

Boss: On the bright side, it’s only the last five

“Hello I am [name] from [security firm] we’ve been hired to verify the security of the facility I need to see your computers.”

“Erm…I’ll have to verify that with my managers.”

“Congratulations, you have just passed the security verification.” [Scribbles on clipboard] “But in all seriousness I do need to verify your security so I need to see your computers.”

The guy was willing to do it but for whatever reason was failing at it so eventually pentester guy decides fuck it we ball and suggests he could come in person to the bank and provide an assist since security guy is having so much trouble.

Security guy agrees, pentester guy shows up a day or two later and security guy introduces him to the staff as the guy that's going to fix their mail problems and to let him do whatever he needs to.

And then, it gets better, apparently somebody in the office was having a birthday and everybody goes off to the break room for cake.

Leaving pen test guy alone with the bank vault door open.

I’m fed and so full 😭💖

I’m not saying it was a deliberate act of racism, but that’s why it’s so insidious, because it happens without conscious thought; this is a pretty good example of how racism slips into literally every aspect of daily life without people even noticing. If you need more Vitamin D, supplements are good enough. They work for people who live in countries that already don’t get much sunlight. If you are dark skinned, do NOT spend an hour in the Sun unprotected, use sunscreen and stay in the shade.

Here’s an article on the signs of skin cancer in people with all skin types, and why it’s a complete misunderstanding that people with more melanin don’t need as much sun protection.

I grew up in the South and my whole family has a history of skin cancer, for reasons that will be immediately apparent when you see my pasty ass face. At the age of 36 I finally booked a visit to a derm because 1) I needed to and 2) I had a lil tiny persistent red spot on my face. Thanks to a random post on the skincare subreddit years ago, I knew that redness and flaking around the edges was potentially cancerous, so ya boy saw the derm. (Putting read more here for pics)

Yeah so I had one of those for over a year and I, like a fool, kept picking at it. It was on my scalp on the side of my head under my hair and it got to the point that I had to be veeery careful brushing my hair because even a little too much of a scratch from the hairbrush would have it bleeding. Like. A lot.

So you know. I knew there was something Problematic. But I kept hoping it would magically go away. (I would like to point I am an adult and I should know better)

But eventually I was at a regular doctor routine checkup and I was like, "oh yeah also there's this weird thing on my scalp that won't go away..." and he took one look at it gave me the frowny face of Disappointment and immediately gave me a referral to the dermatologist.

Dermatologist got me in real fast, took one look at it, was like, "oh yeah this doesn't look great, I'mma slice off a bit and we'll see what it really is." Do you know they just use a burny thing to cauterize the wound that leaves behind and if they miss a bit your scalp will start bleeding profusely thirty minutes later right as you're about to get out of your car and go back in to work? Yeah, that happened and I had to go back and get more cauterization yay!

Anyway, like the above dude, it was basal cell carcinoma that stumped everybody because, like...it's under my hair. I have thick hair. It's an unlikely place to find such a thing compared to like EVERY OTHER SQUARE INCH OF STUPID PALE SKIN ON MY BODY. But anyway.

Even though I let it go so long, they were able to get all of the cancer out with just one swipe of the MOHS knife (that makes it sound simpler than what happened) and I've got a very long scar on the side of my head (covered by my hair I was so glad they didn't have to shave much of it off) and a little spot that is forever bald where they cut the cancer out.